Why the need to love and be loved...
Why as hard as i tried, this need still returns to haunt, why can't i be as cold as ice, with a heart of stone. Why and how did it ever get warmed and soften even when i thought i've put up walls, frozed my heart and yet somehow that feeling still managed to crept in?
Do i really need to be loved that badly? Am i that weak? Can i not look after myself?
I thought i was stronger after rachel, after army and after so much crap load of bullshit but so wrong was i.
Anyway Merry Christmas to all, well not exactly christmas, it's boxing day i think. Flying has made me lose track of time. In a way it's good coz i hate annual special thingis like Christmas eve, Christmas day, New year eve, New year day, Valentine day and all those sickening days that u must spend it with someone "special"...
What the fuck...
I almost forgotten i told Kenn Chng and the rest of my army buddies that i wanna stay single, get married only when i'm filthy rich that i could use money to throw at people and that brothers matters most.
How disappointed am i with myself...
Maybe staying in here made me weak. The comfort of life as a simple minded cabin crew has made me forgot about my aim, lose track in life and bring my life to a standstill, stuck in this muddled pit of indecisiveness...
First of all, where the fuck is my IPPT 914 Commando Gold? I almost forgot about the what i told RSM before i ORDed, that i'm still a commando after ORD and i could take on any of the junior guys anyday, anytime.
Can u believe it? i now can actually settled for silver? My 2.4k Run was a miserable 11 mins, back in those days i could actually just walk to the finish line in 11mins.
What about my Triathelon?
Then there is the thing about getting my degree.
I really lost my way this time man. I need to get back on track... From now on, things must change, fuck cabin crew lifestyle, if anyone again say that where on earth u can find such good pay and easy job, i will tell them they can have it. I want to do something with my life.
What's the point of having all the money in the world but in return become an empty shell. I want to accomplish something that in the end that when i look back i have no regrets. Coz i tried my best and i didn't waste my life away.
In the end, I may lose everything in this world, but least, i will not lose myself, this shall be my promise.
I shall be back from my Milan / Barcelona Trip on 1 Jan, It shall be a new beginning...
Why as hard as i tried, this need still returns to haunt, why can't i be as cold as ice, with a heart of stone. Why and how did it ever get warmed and soften even when i thought i've put up walls, frozed my heart and yet somehow that feeling still managed to crept in?
Do i really need to be loved that badly? Am i that weak? Can i not look after myself?
I thought i was stronger after rachel, after army and after so much crap load of bullshit but so wrong was i.
Anyway Merry Christmas to all, well not exactly christmas, it's boxing day i think. Flying has made me lose track of time. In a way it's good coz i hate annual special thingis like Christmas eve, Christmas day, New year eve, New year day, Valentine day and all those sickening days that u must spend it with someone "special"...
What the fuck...
I almost forgotten i told Kenn Chng and the rest of my army buddies that i wanna stay single, get married only when i'm filthy rich that i could use money to throw at people and that brothers matters most.
How disappointed am i with myself...
Maybe staying in here made me weak. The comfort of life as a simple minded cabin crew has made me forgot about my aim, lose track in life and bring my life to a standstill, stuck in this muddled pit of indecisiveness...
First of all, where the fuck is my IPPT 914 Commando Gold? I almost forgot about the what i told RSM before i ORDed, that i'm still a commando after ORD and i could take on any of the junior guys anyday, anytime.
Can u believe it? i now can actually settled for silver? My 2.4k Run was a miserable 11 mins, back in those days i could actually just walk to the finish line in 11mins.
What about my Triathelon?
Then there is the thing about getting my degree.
I really lost my way this time man. I need to get back on track... From now on, things must change, fuck cabin crew lifestyle, if anyone again say that where on earth u can find such good pay and easy job, i will tell them they can have it. I want to do something with my life.
What's the point of having all the money in the world but in return become an empty shell. I want to accomplish something that in the end that when i look back i have no regrets. Coz i tried my best and i didn't waste my life away.
In the end, I may lose everything in this world, but least, i will not lose myself, this shall be my promise.
I shall be back from my Milan / Barcelona Trip on 1 Jan, It shall be a new beginning...
I admire your conviction to make positive changes in your life. You could stay within your comfort zone but you are enlightened and determined. That's brave. Not many of us do that... or want to do that. Here's wishing you Happy New Year, and best of luck with those resolutions :) You can do, Jon. Once a commando, always a commando right? Jia You!
~leen
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12:01 AM