beneath-e-pale-moonlight: January 2008

Saturday, January 26, 2008

2007 and many lessons learnt...
Most important lesson- There is no honour in this world.

2nd lesson- Money brings power and power is everything.

3rd lesson- The one u love most might not be the one u be with.

4th lesson- There is no such thing as love, it's just your imagination.

5th lesson- Hatred brings more DRIVE in a man than love.

6th lesson- Think with your mind not with your heart.

7th lesson- If u have a heart, never ever give it away, guard it with your life, it holds your spirit. Without your spirit u are a broken man.

8th lesson- Never stop being perfect, the only reason why she likes u is because she is impressed by all your abilites. Not love. The moment u stop impressing, she stop "loving".

9th lesson- Never find strength in a relationship, never turn to relationship for comfort, the guy is the only pillar of support for the relationship. It will cave in under all the weight.

10th lesson- Life sucks, face it, live with it and use it to your advatage if u can.

There are plenty more, but these are the life altering lessons i've learnt, i'm now a different man!

1/26/2008 01:29:00 AM | Permalink |

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Blogging from Lahore.
Armed with my iphone i attempt to blog in my hotel room. Ran into some difficulties though...

First of all, the iphone doesn't let u blog from the convenience of the Compose page, instead u have to write all your blog entries in HTML. Lucky i'm not just trained to be a cabin crew, i have engineering background as well.

Anyway what's with the radio promoting engineering courses? We dun get such publicity in the past. Hee... finally we have too many bankers doctors and lawyers. haa haaa... Now u know the importance of an engineer.

But unfortunately the money is elsewhere, so i would forgo my engineering background and embark on a different path and it won't be cabin crew.

Yes i know, a comfortable lifestyle is hard to give up. But to trade my self esteem for money i just couldn't bring myself to do that. I'm a commando after all, and our's is a hard but glorious life. If there is no challenge, then there is no point in existing.

Challenge your limits, not limit your challenges.

I have crew telling me that they were this and that in the past and that nothing beat this job, the outside world is hard. Then i look at them and think, why do u wanna lead a leisure lifestyle with nothing to accomplish when u have the potential to do so much more?

Well... whatever... I know being human, enough is never enough, u will always want something more, how long can u convince yourself before u realised it's not enough? That u are hungry for more? Do u want to wait till u lose the ability to do something about it then u make your choice? By then is too late.

U lose your freedom of choice, u lose yourself. u get drag around by the company, like a dog on a leash. U dare not bark, because u fear losing your meal. U cannot hunt because u forgotten how to already. I rather be the wild pack, an alpha male. Proud and dignified. I hunt hard for my daily meal, yet i do not have to worry about not getting fed tomolo. If i'm good enough, i will survive. The true test of one's abilities.

No point claiming your skills when u are hand fed everyday.

Even if i failed in the end, at least i know i have tried my best and there is no other way and if i want to hang myself for failing i can jolly well go ahead, there is no regrets. At least it beats wondering whether i should hang myself or not for not trying and not knowing whether i would fail or not.

Life sucks but that's the way it is, it's the mother of all bitches, that will mock at your failures and make u miserable. To not try is to succumb to life and become life's pet bitch. I'm an rebel- what life throws at me i will go against it. I will never succumb to what people's so-called "life-installed".

I exist to fulfil my potential.

Recently i visited Lynn that was recouperating at home after an op. She told me her brother told her that he has a friend that knows me, they used to call me LEGEND. Haha... I've not heard this word for a long time since my glorious canoeing days. It reminded me that there are always people looking up to me, looking up to me for inspiration. To not perform is to fail them.

I will not fail those who have faith in me and look to me for inspiration.

Because I AM LEGEND...

I AM JONATHAN.

1/20/2008 03:22:00 PM | Permalink |

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Tidal Waves of Emotions & Memories...
Moving house really soon, the flat at Punggol is almost ready. The lights are up, while the furnitures and fixtures are either done or on their way already. Most probably by the time i get home from my Karachi-Lahore trip everything would have already been finished.

Well it's time to pack my room to move over. Plenty of things to pack, some to keep while others to throw. Saw my old photoes and reminded me of all the best times in my life. I came to wonder what ever made me degrade to such a pitiful state now. Where was that ever-proud jonathan?

Somethings in my life i must discard as well, i shall not carry such excess baggage anymore.

Found Pics and Keepsakes from my previous relationships. My heart suddenly soften and those sweet memories came flooding back, it felt really good to be in love, but love brings pain as well. A question came to my mind, is it worth it? If given a choice to go back in time would i still want the same? Would changing certain past make any difference to the future?

I found a note she wrote to me and till now it still moves my heart. Given all these hurt and pain, i would gladly be with her if she ever write this note to me again.

But i know nothing will ever change and i should move on.

Love has lost it's meaning and honour has lost it's value. Such is the nature of this cruel human world. From now on, nothing matters more than material gain.

From now on i shall work hard, set my goals- unrealistic they may be, but i will reach there.

People always like to tell u what's possible and what's impossible, from now on i shall show what's possible and pave the way for others to follow.

The loser always say, "it's possible but difficult", but the winner will always say, "it's difficult but possible". The losers will see all the difficulties in view of the possibilities while the winner see only possiblities despite the difficulites...

I say, "it is difficult because i'm human, but it's possible because i'm a commando..."

1/19/2008 01:25:00 AM | Permalink |

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Promise...
that i will stay out of your life, to return back to you everything that was before the heartbreaks, before all the lovey dovey, before all the hugs and kisses and before we ever started.

Yes, i'm missing u, i wonder how are u now? i wonder if u are having fun on your trip and if that someone really accompany u all the way. I feel so tempted to call u but i know what your reaction would be. A Promise IS Still A Promise and so be it. Let all the hurt and pain i'm feeling be exchanged for your freedom and happiness. At least, instead of 2 miserable person, there would only be one.

But at least one thing good did arised from this sad episode and i should count my blessing.

That is my friends are still around for me, sheltered me when the storm get too rough to handle, provided warmth when the night gets too cold and soothe a hurting heart when the sorrow is too much to bear. Even my new found friends graciously chipped in on the much needed care and concern. Truely i'm blessed.

I may have lost my heart, but i've found true friendship.

A million Thanks to all who stood by me.

1/17/2008 07:40:00 PM | Permalink |

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I'm home once more...
i dun really know what i'm feeling anymore, should i be feeling sad? lost? dispair?

In fact i'm feeling non of those, just numbness. Yet when i thot i could move on, the stabbing feeling of pain still came back to wreck havoc on my heart. The heart is what that made us human, but to have one we have to bear it's ultimate burden- the feeling of love and love lost.

Such is the overwhelming burden that i wish i do not have one, i rather it be carved out of me.

I'm tired of all these... Wish i could sleep forever.

Anyway i'm back from Dubai / Istanbul. Continue my story tomolo if i have time. i really need to go sleep for now.

1/15/2008 09:32:00 PM | Permalink |

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I will not...
i will not love anymore becoz i am no longer capable of loving,
i will not hate anymore becoz i do not love,
without love, there can be no hate.

i will not be broken hearted again, becoz there is no longer a heart to break,
i will not bother to listen to my heart becoz it can no longer be trusted,

From now on, the old jonathan doesn't exist anymore...
He's too weak to exist, he cares for others more than himself causing his own destruction.
From the depths of hurt and anger, someone new will arise.

He will not be hurt,
He will not be angry,
He will not be concerned,
He will not be broken'ed,
He will not LOVE again...

He will not overwhelm anyone with his love anymore, there is no longer an ounce left in him.
.
.
.
風箏有風　海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白　所以離開
所以不再為愛而愛
自己存在在你之外
.
.
.
Back from Brisbane and Dubai / Istanbul tonight.
Wanted to change flight but decided against it because a promise is a promise.

Got knocked by a car on the night before Brisbane, well... it didn't kill me which i'm not really surprised cause i'm still indestructable. I may be empty inside already but i'm not an eggshell. i've been knock down by bus before and i'm still fine. U need to run me over with a train before u can cause some damage. Dun worry i won't jump off the MRT platform, i'm afraid i may damage the MRT and the SMRT people will ask me to pay for the damages to their trains cause i'm not dead yet. hahaha...

Anyway the night before Brisbane i went to catch AVP2 with myself. Ha... Doesn't matter no one wanna watch with me cause i've done that before and i'm sure i can do it again. I dun have to reserve that movie for any particular someone and be disappointed after that coz i end up missing the show completely due to all sorts of reason.

Getting knocked down after the movie doesn't deter me either.

Life is so freaking exciting, just the first week of 2008 only and so much things has happened, just can't wait to see what's installed for me for the rest of the year.

SO BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKER!!

Anyway some pictures from my Milan / Barcelona trip to keep u guys occupied.
Click on the links below.
-Venice Pics
-Duomo Pics

1/08/2008 11:13:00 AM | Permalink |

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

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