Sunday, May 24, 2009 

The Pursuit of Happiness.
Do we chase after happiness or is it already in us? is it rather the discovery of happiness. Perhaps happiness being a feeling, comes from within, therefore if the source already existed within oneself then what is there to pursue? Rather it's more likely a discovery of happiness, to discover what that has not been realised.

FIll your own pockets first before u fill others, it's true that a benevolent man can fills more pockets, but the reason being that his pockets are already full and yet still have so much in excess that he could fill others.

The same it is with happiness, be happy enough inside and u can give happiness to others more than yourself.

U do not take other people's happiness to fill yours so that u could give happiness to others, u are still owing yourself the happiness eventually. What's taken must be returned and you would be left with nothing.

I do agree there are times we borrow happiness from others, but that is seen in terms of gearing ratio, u increase something to turn something bigger, but it is most effective when u have a big enough capital yourself. what's borrowed can never be bigger than what u have, or u will never be able to return back, and ultimately what's borrow must be returned.

Everything else in life is the same, what's not filled can never overflow, happiness, love, joy and goodwill. Fill oneself first before we fill others.

Spend SGD 27 for 24hrs of internet in Delhi, kanna called up for delhi when i thot they wouldn't be calling me up since half the day is gone, scalded myself with AVML gravy while plating. Tore the blister while closing compartments. Great... what else can there possibly be installed for me? haha... i was truely suprised. ha. Amazing. Shit does continue to hit the fan.

oh well, life stil goes on, the sun does continue to rise in the morning and sets in the evening and human still need to shit every single day. Life goes on.

Still have like 6 hours remaining lor. haha... but it's time to go to sleep.

Friday, May 22, 2009 

Less Gloomy of a Day...
hiak hiak... So much gloom for the past few day, time to let the sunshine in already. Perhaps it's always sunny outside just that i've been drawing the curtains the past few days that i have not notice what's outside. Life is pretty much the same way i guess.

No doubt it might be gloomy once in a while, the clouds will still come, the rain will still fall but the sun will also still shines. Nature has a natural cycle of things, perhaps it's the same for human. Just that having control of one's life may be what's that's steering us away from the natural cycle of things. It's like good things will never be within my reach if i decides to sit in shit all day right? i must move towards the good things right?

Good things are always at there, just that we must move towards it.

So moving on, the gloom has past, life should always come back to normal and i shall go back to posting funny topics and hilarious events once more. Anyway i guess everyone is sick and tired of the same old nonsense right? yah me too... haha...

the topic for today is forgetfulness... hiak hiak hiak...

i mean it's not that i want to forget, it's just that i can't hold much memory, or rather i have trouble drawing from memory. I mean after being reminded, or made known that i have fogotten, do u realised that i will go, "ai yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ya hor....", haha... i just can't seem to remember when i need to, or should i say draw the appropriate relevant information when i am required to.

Is it that there is too much things on my mind that creates an information queue, waiting to be purge from my brain, that it ends up preceeding what that should be remembered and drawn from memory at that point in time. hahaha...

Either way, i need to find a new method of remembering things, either a new way of storing information, requeuing of thought processes, or a new way to draw information from the mish-mash highway of my brain. haha...

Surprisingly i can remember alot of things this morning... hahaha... like the things i've forgotten. LOL.

Let's see... Birthdays, Roster sending, BBQs, my investmentment thingi, calling friends to arrange to meet up *opps...* haha... and someone was supposed to go for photo shoot today. Hahaha... Ok ok, i dun deny i've forgotten, haha... but i'll make up for it ya. Hiak. Well, at least i remembered it this morning. LOL.

i --promise no more forgetfulness, haha... ok lah, promise is a bit hard in the case of jonathan and his limited memory power, but he shall have more organised thoughts to remember and recall more. Just like a 80Gb Hard disk drive 8Gb tumbdrive, haha... hey hey hey... tumbdrive also not bad ok, consider the amount of MP3s it can store. i shall sing everyone a song. hahahaha....

Oh ya, i can't sing for nuts just to let everyone know. LOL.

Anyway enjoy the day everyone, it's bright and sunny and i'm going for a run. Hiak Hiak... Hope the photoshoot goes well today, and i'm having a class BBQ tonight, if only i can remember what time is it. haha... can someone see this post and tell me what time is the BBQ. haha.. Or i'll just go at 7pm. Oh what the heck. haha...

Requeuing my thoughts now... Hiak hiak... *Hiaking out Loud* LOL.

It's a beautiful day.

Thursday, May 21, 2009 

Repercussion
Yes we all do wanna effect a change, but know that there will always be the possibility of an adverse effect. Dun expect nothing will happen if one expect to do something drastic, after all, the objective is to effect a change, but do note that the outcome may not be what one expects.

If one decides to unleash a beast, beware it may turn back and bite, it is a destructive force that cannot be willed. Beware of one's action. Think before acting.

I do not know what to say anymore, there are boundaries, some we do not cross even for people as close as family.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 

Resolute.
some decision are not to be made rashly, incautiously, impulsively. But once made one should stand by it. To waver signifies the one's inablitly to trust his own judgement, casting self doubts. If inital dicision can be wrong, what makes one thinks the alternate decision will be correct? It may be wrong as well.

If so, other things in one's life may be wrong.

Trust your judgement and live by it, by doing so u can assure that your decisions were correct, from start to finish, all course alterations were based on preceeding events that were given much thoughts and not of rashness and impulsiveness. There will be no regrets.

I never want to live in regrets, therefore i make my judgement wisely, weigh the consequences and live by my actions. I will not turn back, but move forward. To turn back and look for second chances is the result of regrets and remorse.

In the first place, why make a choice that one will regret later on?

i do have my fair share of mistakes but i can assure myself it's the better choice, nothing is perfect. I can find assurance in the way that i do things that i've done possibly whatever i can and that nothing can be done anymore. There is no self doubt, because all choice are carefully weighted to begin with. There can be no self doubt, reality dun spare chances. Only human do, but merely out of courtesy and pity, perhaps in the hope that if we screw up other's will return the favour.

But the simple fact still remain, nothing has changed. A decision still has been made, things set in motion and course altered.


Anyway i believe that if one doubts himself, there can be no way to convince himself that he has done his best, nothing would be enough, and no reward would be deserving. Worse, that person would apply it to the rest of the world.

I will not self doubt, because if so, all my subsequent decisions could be wrong, would be wrong.

There will come a time that people will depend on my decisions and i do not want to be wrong. In life learn to make careful judgement call, who knows one day u will have to make a call that will affect the lives of millions or change history.


We learn to handle our own shit first before we handle other's.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 

The home stretch.
it's call time and i'm already all prepared. Just finishing up the last few minutes of my internet. time to go home.

Anyway while i was in the shower, i've been thinking, perhaps love is like a race, and the couple are team members. Winning any race depend not just on each person's drive to win, but the chemistry and individual techniques as well.

I remembered something back my IVP canoeing days. No doubt me and jack (who was so called my "brother" back in poly, haha...) had the same will and drive to win, in fact, to top it off we were the very best that NP has to offer, but we could never race together as a team on the same boat.

Our techniques are different, i can't compensate for him nor could he compensate for me because either way it would serverly affect our individual abilities. We won't be able to row as well as we are on our own. Jack is all about speed and reps, while i'm all about power. On our own we are equally match, but there is no way to put 2 different motors to work in tandem.

Anyway the reason why the long forgotten topic of canoeing suddenly appeared was because i was watching rowing on ESPN on the wee hours of the morning here in Joburg. Haha... Brought back some happy memories, the rush of competition and the trill of winning. The speed, the rushing waters, salty air, sweat and pain all seem so familiar.

Therefore perhaps love is not just about trying your best effort and u will win, it's a team effort that not just require 2 different people to work together but also how well they can compliment each other. It's a long race and arduous race, select your team member wisely.

But like all things in life, we learn from failure.

We fail so we can learn. Sometimes there is no way to learn from other's experience, we are all different thus variables are different. Different variable means similarity does not apply.

Ok times up, time to go home.

Can't wait to be home. Hiak Hiak...

Thursday, May 14, 2009 

Why the need to justify?
Why the need to make sense of your actions when each view things differently, do we find reasons so that others may agree with us or are we trying to find a reason to agree with ourselves.

Day in day out, we face personal conflicts, even when others deem our actions perfectly normal, we still find the need to make ourselves agree, either through other’s acceptance or through much reasoning to come to agreement with ourselves. Perhaps it’s not others that need convincing, but ourselves, we are our greatest critics.

Perhaps it’s the do’s and do not’s we imposed on others in the name of righteousness that in a way we have to live by our own rules. Maybe if we could be kind to others, we could be kind to ourselves.

Over the years, I’ve came to realise that there is no right or wrong to any action, human generally term what is wrong when they are placed at a disadvantageous situation, but if the table were turn and they stand to gain from someone else’s losses, how do anyone justify that.

From experience, usually they don’t, they just keep quiet and get by.

We are all made different and being different we had different ideas to life, thus why impose on others to follow one’s idea just because one needs to justify one’s action?

Be kind to yourself and you will be kind to others, be kind to others and you will be kind to yourself.

You will see that your wish to be happy is shared by others as well, just that our idea of happiness is different.

Thus i will never restrict my own happiness and i will not restrict other’s as well.
In the end, let us ask ourselves this question, what’s so “right” when what's "right" doesn’t make oneself happy. So does that make being unhappy “right”?

Therefore even if i do not share someone’s view i will not stop them from doing what his or her heart desire, because i will not hold back on something just because someone doesn’t agree with me. We are all responsible for our own happiness.

No one can stop u from doing what that makes u happy, only u can.

Haha... Well, nothing significant, it’s just one of those self pondering day. Putting life into perspective once again.

Now in Joburg, 6 hours difference, day 2, and counting down. Hiak hiak...

Monday, May 11, 2009 

Emotion Reaction is Definitively Irrational.
how true.
To have emotion is only human, but to react to emotion will only serve to our demise.
Emotion does not adhere to logic and reasoning and thus actions arising from emotions does not conform rationality.

Acting irrationally will only cause whatever situation to degrade.

Knowing this, people will still act this way, because they want EMOTIONS TO RULE OVER THEM.

It's the achilles heel of our social behaviour.

Being less ruled by emotions makes one more rational.

At that every critical moment that will decide subsequent events, rationality is paramount.

We do not want to do something stupid. BUT Anger, hate, love, sadness, happiness, bitterness and all the other verbs that comes with the "capital E" makes us do stupid thing.

Capital "E", Emotions....

It's god's gift and curse to man. A powerful tool, but bestowed upon man, whom lacks the ability to wield it. It can serve to multiply effect, spur one on to perform beyond capability, but also the ability to bring about the destruction of oneself.

i do not fear it's power, i only fear it's consequence. I do use it, but wisely, in control, if anytime u let go of its rein and it will rear a fire breeding dragon, ready to consume EVERYTHINGGGGGGG~~...

Once lose there is no control, no stopping, till finally it consumes u.

IT'S FREAKING SCARY...

now, dun u just wanna return it back to god or to wherever it came from?

Wednesday, May 06, 2009 

Woooohooooo... Freedom!!
or at least for the time being. Exams are finally over.

Took the bus and train home coz the car is still at the workshop. haha...

Guess what?

The first thing i did when i came home was to reach for the remote and turn on the TV, my god, after weeks of TV deprivation, i could wait no longer. haha... No show on the TV? doesn't matter, i have dozens of shows i had recorded on my digital set top box during my month long exam revision.

Haha... and against the better advice of "Hiak Hiak" i was watching TV instead of going to sleep... hiak hiak hiak...

So it was the continuation of HOUSE season 5. Right now AXN is showing like episode 9, while i'm still stuck at episode 6. haha... Time for some catching up. I'm a sucker for medical drama.

But perhaps i like HOUSE best was because in some way i find that i can relate myself to the character, not that it's a good thing coz, ehhh... well u have to watch the serial to know. He's god damn irritating, blunt, tackless, but in some way he is lovable and always delivers the cold hard truth, addresses human idiocy which we so often cling to as life's true doctrine.

MY GOD... speaking of that, i can't agree with house more, WE ARE FREAKING IDIOTS.
It's not our mistakes that is wrong, mistake is a result of an action, it's the inability to change or not make change an action that is wrong. For particular, humanly justified action, we fail to act accordingly, even when such action is WRONG! WRONG as in what's right for ourselves.

YES, WE ARE ALL FREAKING IDIOT.

haha... In certain ways we are alike, blunt, tackless but make complete sense. haha..

People hate him, but respect him.

Anyway in life if we can cut out emotions, we can make the best decisions of all, emotions clouds all judgement, mars the truth, blended with make-believes and all u have is some warp sense of everhything else but the truth.

Finally a break after a hectic month. Life doesn't really return back to normal, perhaps being hactic is normal, we are merely ignoring the fact for a while, taking a break before we dive back into the foray.

2 and a half year more to go. Plenty more coming up and many more gauntlets to run. But i'll be ready. I hope.

Somehow, dispite all the hardship i kind of enjoy this feeling, i'm tired but satisfied, i came home today, sat down, and felt a sense of pride, it has been quite a while since i truely had this feeling.

One thing about me, i never feel pride doing meager and trivia stuff, i always believe i'm too capable, to feel happy over small success is like an insult to my abilities. It's like saying i am freaking clever i know how to solve 1+1. It's a freaking joke, but there are plenty of such people around.

But then again, haha.. Whatever that rocks your boat... whatever. haha...

Anyway i really must document this, i was so freaking impressed after i wrote it.

It was the last question of the marketing paper.

Question goes something like this, "commentaries describe countries properity to a PLC, how are u against or with this statement" or something like that.

My god... It's application of concept lor.

ANyway PLC is product life cycle, it states the growth and decline of a product, something like today something is the "thing" but only to be forgotten 10 years down the road.

Wah liao... i wrote nearly 2 whole pages on this lor, complete with the PLC diagram and explanation.

In short i say we start from scratch, follow the PLC curve, but we will never reach the decline state although certain things will become outdated but we will find some other avenue to seek revenue from. it's more like an overlapped PLC curve without the decline stage. Anyway the question is also 2 freaking pages long. hahaha...

U should actually see the paper, leave aside how correct i was, i am freaking impressed by my work lor. it's not the length which the answer was written, more like the application of concept into a different field.

This is the first time i encounter such questions lor.

I feel like damn Uni student lor... damn... whoever say anything negative about being a graduate i'm ganna fuck the person upside down.

haha... I wish the lecturer was looking for some 15 smartest student in the class to work as analyst or something man. hahaha... Not that i'm the 15 smartest, but i would sure like to work with them and work on something big.

Anyway, i'm glad i'd chosen this path. Nothing will change that, rough journey will shape a man, or at least beat him into one even if he doesn't like it. haha... but i sure as hell do...

"Wooohoooo... do u wanna live forever?"

Monday, May 04, 2009 

Time does not turn itself backwards.
yet human often goes against the natural order of things.

It's always too late once time has past and never too early to make a right decision. Or perhaps it might all be due to the lack of ability. Time spares no mercy so choose wisely.

Things set in motion can't be undone, we can change ourselves but there are constant variable that cannot be changed. Do not lit the fuse if u do not intend to race the countdown.

Things are just like studying for exams, u cannot make up for lost time, time is already lost. Exams will still come on that day, date and time. U can only study faster or skip some chapters, either way it will affect the quality of your work in the exams. It will never be the same.

But humans being humans...

Anyway exams in 2 days time. actually more like 1 1/2. This is the final paper. The Finale...

Keep it together man. That's all i can say.

Friday, May 01, 2009 

...
i found myself staring at the post board. I do not know what to write. Overwhelmed by too much issues, i do not know where to start.

Perhaps i should begin with crashing my car, Yes, 4 days back i crashed my car on the PIE, yeah... the "fighter pilot" has went down, finally, haha... a 3 car pile up. Damn long story, dun really wish to divulge into it. Good thing no one was hurt, anyway i wasn't angry or anything, Just that i'm amaze that such things actually can happen out of the blues. Or perhaps it was the 3rd lane. haha... next time just stick to the extreme right lane. Safest place to be. "fighter pilots" lane. haha...

I'm preparing for a whopper for the premium next year.

Oh what the heck... it's something all driver face. The road is a dangerous place to be.

Plus these few days i seemed to have the most hectic of flights, i dun know why but the load is always full. I wondered was it me or something. i need to go shower some "7 flower water" or something. haha... Plus i even earned myself a written complaint, against me, solely... HA! How amazing man. Something u cannot talk yourself out of in the eyes of the company. Oh... fuck it. It's all part of working life, if everyone was so successful in dealing with thing, no one would be where they are already and no employers could afford to hire anyone coz they are just damn good.

This just goes to show i seriously need to complete my degree. I dun exactly take shit sitting down.

But on a lighter note, i did have the most pleasent of all surprises. Haha... For a moment, all shit on earth cease to exist and i found myself on plains of rolling meadows and cool soothing breeze, life was peaceful once again. Haha... ok ok... i was exaggerating, but let's just say it was a pretty nice feeling. Hiak hiak... Hmmm... i wonder can i be greedy for more? hahaha... Well, count my blessings right? haha...

A thot crossed my mind this morning when i wake up. Do i always like to play rescue ranger? Have i taken up what i need not be concern over? End of the day, everyone is answerable to themselves and i will have to ask myself, "have i ever did anything right for myself."

No doubt u may have saved the world but have u saved yourself.

Heros comes with super power and i don't, maybe i should consider this fact.

"save the cheerleader, save the world..." Hiak... ok... i'm uttering nonsense now. haha... Please ignore the sentence. hahaha...

Anyway i dun think the world need saving, even if a meteor the size of singapore strikes earth and wipe out all living things on earth, we would still start from some sea dwelling creature and start evolution all over again. Oh hell... we may just become Xmen. haha... Which is like so much better.

Which brings me to another question in life, since life is so fragile, why do we still impose on ourselves to do things we don't really like. A meteor could just strike tomolo and most of us would be saying "oh shit... i should have..."

The common expression is always "NO CHOICE" eh... so? No choice or else what? We could hardly answer. But often upon impending disaster human will find their choice.

Oh dammit sometime i really do wish a meteor will strike earth and get human's nonsense over and done with. The last one hour of earth is when u will ever find the truth in humans. If the last hour and u still can't decide, then u have wasted your entire life.

Or a easier way, maybe i should go climb some mount everest and get caught in a white out or something, get freezed half frozen then maybe i will get my thoughts straight... haha... Quickest way to nirvana. Haha...

Or perhaps i already know what i what. Choices requires the heart of a lion to make, or the easier way would be to wait for a meteor to strike earth. haha... Which in return i would get to enjoy my choice for 1 hour. Not so much of a bad deal, at least it's better than never... hahaha....

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