beneath-e-pale-moonlight: February 2009

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dilemmas
There are time where i should stand up and "be the man" yet i ended up hesitant. As much as "balls" do carry weights, unfortunately i realised that slamming your hard and heavy balls down on something meant a complete irreversible act of destruction. There can be no turning back once acted upon and there will be always be collateral.

Perhaps life actually offered us an easy choice, just that we fear making choices that u will regret later. But yet when current situation poses much threat and distress so why do we still hesitate to act? There is already nothing to lose, u have lost enough already.

Or is there?

There was this phase from where i came from, "courage is the strength to stand up when everyone else is sitting down." Perhaps we lack courage which explans why we are confined to our seat in this horror rollercoaster ride of our lives. Perhaps heroic actions and bravery can be found in our daily lives by the daily decision we have to make.

hmmmmm... perhaps all these rattling is just plain nonsense.

I'm just feeling emo today, needed an outlet.

Standby still not called up yet. Bloody 2 days of standby. Freaking shit, let us just keep it that way. I DO NOT WANT TO BE CALLED UP and i wanna go for Accounting class on Monday. It's a better use of my time.

2/28/2009 04:24:00 PM | Permalink |

Friday, February 27, 2009

What do we truely want?
i thought i had the answer, but yet why am i still feeling so lost? Or does objective changes in relevence to time, what may be important today may not be as important tomorrow?

These days, i crave success more than anything else, but there was also a time where love took precedence over all things. So what had changed? Pehaps a change in situation cause a change in goals.

i've gain an understanding that we are all slaves to time, changes in situations derives from the changes in times therefore certain time allows freedom in pursuits of whatever your heart desires, while certain don't. We don't get to choose, we only get to react to what that is thrown at us.

Or perhaps there is a choice, just that the repurcussion of the alternate choice may be less promising.

I do wished to have everything, but everybody knows that is not possible.

I'll do whatever it takes to substain my pursuit of goals and there may come a time where i will have to give up some so that other more important goals may be met, it's not complete abandonment, but rather a detour.

Sigh... must i always explain myself, why can't my actions be justified by current situations?

Personally i feel very tired being human, we seek assurance from each other, at work, at home, with friends and close ones. Why do we need to hold fast to our promises even when we know it's to our disadvantage and why must we be compelled to make promises? Can we move on with life without making promises, can relationships, by relationship i meant affliations, substain without having to provide assurance all the time?

In my life, i have never ask for promises, especially from friends, i do not want my friends to feel obliged to do something they do not want to. U can be sure they would do it if it's within their ability to do so as u would have done it yourself.

Perhaps it's for self assurance that we seek promises, thus we ended up imposing on others to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. -to assure ourselves.

Something for all of us to ponder over, in relation to what i mentioned, should we blame someone for something we ourselves are incapable of solving?

I'm not implying anything, perhaps we should seek new understanding to life.

Anyway American Idol is airing on Channel 5 tonight. haha... It's the Group 2 Semi, Yes TJWwwwwwWWWWWWWwwww... i watch American Idol too! haha... I already watch it on STAR TV already. heee... The perks of SCV. Didn't watch it live though, but recorded it on my Set Top box. Heee... yah, i got the recordable digital set top box. Haha... Freaking hilarious, u guys should watch.

Can we all just chill, life is already complex enough.

2/27/2009 11:28:00 AM | Permalink |

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Argh...
DAC's tonight, the last i remembered, hell has moved to the skies. Dammit... come to think of it, it was only 2 weeks ago. I can't believe i actually change for a DAC. Oh well, needed the offdays for classes, though not much of a choice, u dun get the best of both worlds.

Life sucks, but that's the way it is. Anyway whoever says that we shouldn't complain should try doing these flights for a month, it will sure change their mind set. These people are like trying to say i-can-blow-u-till-u-come-while holding-my-breath-underwater to their bosses. My My... i'm amazed, i would sure like to see that happen! hahaha... Dun drown ya! haha... Pray your bosses come soon.

Oh well, as soon as i cleared my degree i'm out of here.

Why somethings can be a real pain? haha... like all things, u must experence it to know.

What u know u won't envy.

Personally i would prefer admiration rather than envy, envy is of jealousy, that u are undeserving, but admiration is of approval, of high regard.

Do u envy an olympic medalist or show admiration? I would expect no one would say envy unless he could do better. So do u wanna be envied or admired?

Anyway an update on my Accounting test. OMG... it's a freaking killer. 4 out of 5 questions were theory and they carried a heavy weightage on the test. U could see the distressed on everyone's face. We are all not used to being tested so much on Concepts and theory.

I can only imagine how the Marketing test in the coming weeks would be.

Heee... a picture of my Lecture Group. I was freaking bored after the test so took a snap of the Lecture.

Heee... sorry i'm lazy to rotate. That's me trying to copy notes. damn burnt already.

And here's a picture of a completely unrelated event. haha... I finally managed to get a parking lot at T3 that is nearest to the lobby! haha... The most sought after lots!

Haha... Hope later in the evening i'll get back the same lot.

2/25/2009 08:41:00 AM | Permalink |

Monday, February 23, 2009

D Day.
Do u think i'm ready? i think i'm.

There is a feeling of calm, is there something wrong? I had this feeling before, is it a feeling of resignation? Resign to my fate of whatever to come? Or perhaps this time i'm really ready.

Pray is the latter.

Anyway during revision, i deliberately skipped some topics, i actually told myself this will not appear. It's too complex for a 1hour paper. Perhaps i'm now more proficient in learning, Understand the dynamics of test questions setting, or maybe i've completely lost my mind. haha... Anyway i have a good feeling about this and hope it serves me right.

Seems like all is prepared... Now i only need a calculator... hahahaha... Dammit...s... Hope back in SIM they still sell one. haha... or else i'm screwed... haha... Seemingly the most important tool and yet i always forget.

Ok got to go... Test starts in 2 hours time.

2/23/2009 04:37:00 PM | Permalink |

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bring it on BABY...
oh my god, account test coming up in 22 hours time and i'm still on Chapter 1, or sort of... more like chapter 1/2. haha... The lecturer was right, U got to be god damn crazy to read the textbook, in his words, "U WILL DIE AHHHHHHHHH..." Pray that no theory appear on tomolo's paper. If not, WE"RE ALL SCREWED.

Heee... Turned on the TV and saw Eunice Olsen. Heee... i can never get enough of her, oh my god i can't peel my eyes off the TV. How should i put this, she is not exactly drop dead gorgeous but sooooooo... womanly and that goes a long way. Perhaps this is why girls are so puzzled with our choice of girls. haha...

Anyway i have started running over again and certain things still peeve me. Can someone explain to me why do people like to walk abreast on the pavement. Freaking taking up the entire walkway. How do u get it across to them that they dun own the walkway? Why must i have to end up on the grass patch to pass them? What the hell... Best of all, when u passed them they act like, "what's the hurry?"

MY GOD... U fucking take up the entire pavement! U are a god damn obstacle course. There are people trying to run u know. Hello?

i shall run again tonight...

i missed those day back at changi beach, we own the enitre stretch from our camp to the beaches. People are so intimidated that they just stand clear of us. haha... Oh well, sensible people would not wanna get run over anyway. haha... 9 mins for 2.4k, ouch... it will sure hurt. haha...

Anyway i will be doing Frankfrut next week with my cousin! haha... YEAH... been 2 yrs since we last did the MLE flight. haha... Can't wait couz. EH... u better dun go change flight ah, i skip class for this flight leh. haha...

Ok lah, wish me luck lah, i need as much as i can get.

2/22/2009 07:38:00 PM | Permalink |

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I'm GOD DAMN Tired.
i am so mentally worn out.
Roster's not out, exams coming, i can't match my classes to my roster with so many standbys. i am coming to think if i have made a serious mistake by taking up part time classes. It's wearing me out.

Or perhaps that's precisely what the company wants. Oh yes... there's plenty of time for u, but they never mention about the amount of usable time.

Nothings get done. i'm beat i'm burnt and no one cares.

Sydney's tonight and i will be back for class on monday.
Class is 7pm, i'm back 5:40pm.
It's gonna be close.

Life sucks...

2/14/2009 02:07:00 PM | Permalink |

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Oh damn it...
i was supposed to be sleeping for my evening flight but unfortunately i listed down the things i've to accomplished by today set me back many hours eating into my sleeping time. Sleep needed for my Freaking DAC turn.

Well, since now there is not much time to have a proper sleep, i shall just go without sleep, and after owing everyone months of blog entries, i shall spare 10mins to write this post before i go shower and prepare for flight. Beside's blogging was one of the things i wanted to do on my list for today. i'm so DAMN TIRED... arghhhhh...

Oh... what the heck, it was supposed to be my offday today if not for the fact i've got class on thurs and thus decided to take a DAC turn today so i can be back for classes.

Damn... All the things u do to get a degree. Life really sucks. But that's the way it is, perhaps i would get used to it, perhaps even like it, like the bitterness of Coffee... A Fucking way to develop an acquired taste for life's shit.

Anyway, homework's done, or rather for my part of the group project, the rest of the group have not email me back their portion of their work. Heee... i'm rather proud that i've managed to find time to do my homework.

Went back to STC yesterday for some Wine to Vine Course, which i dun really find interested, perhaps we have learnt that before and the company just ask us back to fill something in our roster.

Anyhow, it's a good opportunity for me to go back to STC to do some paperwork, i've to submit my SAF100 to planning dept for my reservist somewhere in the middle of the year. The Guys are all back from abroad, haha... which means we will be having a wild time this year. Something to look forward to.

I needed a new CEAC card as well... FUCKING THING COST ME $20 TO GET A NEW ONE. THOSE BASTARDS...

Drove down to NTU after my Course to meet chin chun and Gab at their Hall. But not before TaPaoed our favourite Chicken Chop noodles and Red Tea Jelly from Changi Village. Bring back memories from those days back in camp.

Heee... Someone suggested we play some poker game that i do not know how to play, ended up i won some pile of money. haha... Hey... wanted to treat chin chun and Gab Tidbits and drinks from the SUN store with the winning but Chin Chun don't want lor. haha... ok lah, give u all a chance to win the money back next time.

Damn... should have just study hard and we could have been hallmates. haha... Eh... Chin Chun, Give me the picture we took in your room leh... still in your camera.

Anyway my dear gal gave me an advance Vday present. haha... i Haven't bought anything yet. haha...