beneath-e-pale-moonlight

2009-08-15T12:37:00.003+08:00

Saying Goodbye...

Ladies and Gentleman, all good things must come to an end someday. This blog ranted much, talked much, laughed-at much and cried-for much. Many events past and many stories told and we have continued to move on. The past soon becomes a distant memory.

Pehaps it's time to lower the curtain.

Thanks for being the loyal readers. It has been fun!

Let's say goodbye to this 4 yrs old blog.

This blog shall be closed in Nov 09. Where it comes to a full circle. 4 Years.

2009-05-24T19:32:00.004+08:00

The Pursuit of Happiness.
Do we chase after happiness or is it already in us? is it rather the discovery of happiness. Perhaps happiness being a feeling, comes from within, therefore if the source already existed within oneself then what is there to pursue? Rather it's more likely a discovery of happiness, to discover what that has not been realised.

FIll your own pockets first before u fill others, it's true that a benevolent man can fills more pockets, but the reason being that his pockets are already full and yet still have so much in excess that he could fill others.

The same it is with happiness, be happy enough inside and u can give happiness to others more than yourself.

U do not take other people's happiness to fill yours so that u could give happiness to others, u are still owing yourself the happiness eventually. What's taken must be returned and you would be left with nothing.

I do agree there are times we borrow happiness from others, but that is seen in terms of gearing ratio, u increase something to turn something bigger, but it is most effective when u have a big enough capital yourself. what's borrowed can never be bigger than what u have, or u will never be able to return back, and ultimately what's borrow must be returned.

Everything else in life is the same, what's not filled can never overflow, happiness, love, joy and goodwill. Fill oneself first before we fill others.

Spend SGD 27 for 24hrs of internet in Delhi, kanna called up for delhi when i thot they wouldn't be calling me up since half the day is gone, scalded myself with AVML gravy while plating. Tore the blister while closing compartments. Great... what else can there possibly be installed for me? haha... i was truely suprised. ha. Amazing. Shit does continue to hit the fan.

oh well, life stil goes on, the sun does continue to rise in the morning and sets in the evening and human still need to shit every single day. Life goes on.

Still have like 6 hours remaining lor. haha... but it's time to go to sleep.

2009-05-22T08:30:00.005+08:00

Less Gloomy of a Day...
hiak hiak... So much gloom for the past few day, time to let the sunshine in already. Perhaps it's always sunny outside just that i've been drawing the curtains the past few days that i have not notice what's outside. Life is pretty much the same way i guess.

No doubt it might be gloomy once in a while, the clouds will still come, the rain will still fall but the sun will also still shines. Nature has a natural cycle of things, perhaps it's the same for human. Just that having control of one's life may be what's that's steering us away from the natural cycle of things. It's like good things will never be within my reach if i decides to sit in shit all day right? i must move towards the good things right?

Good things are always at there, just that we must move towards it.

So moving on, the gloom has past, life should always come back to normal and i shall go back to posting funny topics and hilarious events once more. Anyway i guess everyone is sick and tired of the same old nonsense right? yah me too... haha...

the topic for today is forgetfulness... hiak hiak hiak...

i mean it's not that i want to forget, it's just that i can't hold much memory, or rather i have trouble drawing from memory. I mean after being reminded, or made known that i have fogotten, do u realised that i will go, "ai yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ya hor....", haha... i just can't seem to remember when i need to, or should i say draw the appropriate relevant information when i am required to.

Is it that there is too much things on my mind that creates an information queue, waiting to be purge from my brain, that it ends up preceeding what that should be remembered and drawn from memory at that point in time. hahaha...

Either way, i need to find a new method of remembering things, either a new way of storing information, requeuing of thought processes, or a new way to draw information from the mish-mash highway of my brain. haha...

Surprisingly i can remember alot of things this morning... hahaha... like the things i've forgotten. LOL.

Let's see... Birthdays, Roster sending, BBQs, my investmentment thingi, calling friends to arrange to meet up *opps...* haha... and someone was supposed to go for photo shoot today. Hahaha... Ok ok, i dun deny i've forgotten, haha... but i'll make up for it ya. Hiak. Well, at least i remembered it this morning. LOL.

i ~~--promise~~ no more forgetfulness, haha... ok lah, promise is a bit hard in the case of jonathan and his limited memory power, but he shall have more organised thoughts to remember and recall more. Just like a ~~80Gb Hard disk drive~~ 8Gb tumbdrive, haha... hey hey hey... tumbdrive also not bad ok, consider the amount of MP3s it can store. i shall sing everyone a song. hahahaha....

Oh ya, i can't sing for nuts just to let everyone know. LOL.

Anyway enjoy the day everyone, it's bright and sunny and i'm going for a run. Hiak Hiak... Hope the photoshoot goes well today, and i'm having a class BBQ tonight, if only i can remember what time is it. haha... can someone see this post and tell me what time is the BBQ. haha.. Or i'll just go at 7pm. Oh what the heck. haha...

Requeuing my thoughts now... Hiak hiak... *Hiaking out Loud* LOL.

It's a beautiful day.

2009-05-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

Repercussion
Yes we all do wanna effect a change, but know that there will always be the possibility of an adverse effect. Dun expect nothing will happen if one expect to do something drastic, after all, the objective is to effect a change, but do note that the outcome may not be what one expects.

If one decides to unleash a beast, beware it may turn back and bite, it is a destructive force that cannot be willed. Beware of one's action. Think before acting.

I do not know what to say anymore, there are boundaries, some we do not cross even for people as close as family.

2009-05-20T13:00:00.002+08:00

Resolute.
some decision are not to be made rashly, incautiously, impulsively. But once made one should stand by it. To waver signifies the one's inablitly to trust his own judgement, casting self doubts. If inital dicision can be wrong, what makes one thinks the alternate decision will be correct? It may be wrong as well.

If so, other things in one's life may be wrong.

Trust your judgement and live by it, by doing so u can assure that your decisions were correct, from start to finish, all course alterations were based on preceeding events that were given much thoughts and not of rashness and impulsiveness. There will be no regrets.

I never want to live in regrets, therefore i make my judgement wisely, weigh the consequences and live by my actions. I will not turn back, but move forward. To turn back and look for second chances is the result of regrets and remorse.

In the first place, why make a choice that one will regret later on?

i do have my fair share of mistakes but i can assure myself it's the better choice, nothing is perfect. I can find assurance in the way that i do things that i've done possibly whatever i can and that nothing can be done anymore. There is no self doubt, because all choice are carefully weighted to begin with. There can be no self doubt, reality dun spare chances. Only human do, but merely out of courtesy and pity, perhaps in the hope that if we screw up other's will return the favour.

But the simple fact still remain, nothing has changed. A decision still has been made, things set in motion and course altered.

Anyway i believe that if one doubts himself, there can be no way to convince himself that he has done his best, nothing would be enough, and no reward would be deserving. Worse, that person would apply it to the rest of the world.

I will not self doubt, because if so, all my subsequent decisions could be wrong, would be wrong.

There will come a time that people will depend on my decisions and i do not want to be wrong. In life learn to make careful judgement call, who knows one day u will have to make a call that will affect the lives of millions or change history.

We learn to handle our own shit first before we handle other's.

2009-05-16T16:23:00.003+08:00

The home stretch.
it's call time and i'm already all prepared. Just finishing up the last few minutes of my internet. time to go home.

Anyway while i was in the shower, i've been thinking, perhaps love is like a race, and the couple are team members. Winning any race depend not just on each person's drive to win, but the chemistry and individual techniques as well.

I remembered something back my IVP canoeing days. No doubt me and jack (who was so called my "brother" back in poly, haha...) had the same will and drive to win, in fact, to top it off we were the very best that NP has to offer, but we could never race together as a team on the same boat.

Our techniques are different, i can't compensate for him nor could he compensate for me because either way it would serverly affect our individual abilities. We won't be able to row as well as we are on our own. Jack is all about speed and reps, while i'm all about power. On our own we are equally match, but there is no way to put 2 different motors to work in tandem.

Anyway the reason why the long forgotten topic of canoeing suddenly appeared was because i was watching rowing on ESPN on the wee hours of the morning here in Joburg. Haha... Brought back some happy memories, the rush of competition and the trill of winning. The speed, the rushing waters, salty air, sweat and pain all seem so familiar.

Therefore perhaps love is not just about trying your best effort and u will win, it's a team effort that not just require 2 different people to work together but also how well they can compliment each other. It's a long race and arduous race, select your team member wisely.

But like all things in life, we learn from failure.

We fail so we can learn. Sometimes there is no way to learn from other's experience, we are all different thus variables are different. Different variable means similarity does not apply.

Ok times up, time to go home.

Can't wait to be home. Hiak Hiak...

2009-05-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

Why the need to justify?
Why the need to make sense of your actions when each view things differently, do we find reasons so that others may agree with us or are we trying to find a reason to agree with ourselves.

Day in day out, we face personal conflicts, even when others deem our actions perfectly normal, we still find the need to make ourselves agree, either through other’s acceptance or through much reasoning to come to agreement with ourselves. Perhaps it’s not others that need convincing, but ourselves, we are our greatest critics.

Perhaps it’s the do’s and do not’s we imposed on others in the name of righteousness that in a way we have to live by our own rules. Maybe if we could be kind to others, we could be kind to ourselves.

Over the years, I’ve came to realise that there is no right or wrong to any action, human generally term what is wrong when they are placed at a disadvantageous situation, but if the table were turn and they stand to gain from someone else’s losses, how do anyone justify that.

From experience, usually they don’t, they just keep quiet and get by.

We are all made different and being different we had different ideas to life, thus why impose on others to follow one’s idea just because one needs to justify one’s action?

Be kind to yourself and you will be kind to others, be kind to others and you will be kind to yourself.

You will see that your wish to be happy is shared by others as well, just that our idea of happiness is different.

Thus i will never restrict my own happiness and i will not restrict other’s as well.
In the end, let us ask ourselves this question, what’s so “right” when what's "right" doesn’t make oneself happy. So does that make being unhappy “right”?

Therefore even if i do not share someone’s view i will not stop them from doing what his or her heart desire, because i will not hold back on something just because someone doesn’t agree with me. We are all responsible for our own happiness.

No one can stop u from doing what that makes u happy, only u can.

Haha... Well, nothing significant, it’s just one of those self pondering day. Putting life into perspective once again.

Now in Joburg, 6 hours difference, day 2, and counting down. Hiak hiak...

2009-05-11T15:01:00.002+08:00

Emotion Reaction is Definitively Irrational.
how true.
To have emotion is only human, but to react to emotion will only serve to our demise.
Emotion does not adhere to logic and reasoning and thus actions arising from emotions does not conform rationality.

Acting irrationally will only cause whatever situation to degrade.

Knowing this, people will still act this way, because they want EMOTIONS TO RULE OVER THEM.

It's the achilles heel of our social behaviour.

Being less ruled by emotions makes one more rational.

At that every critical moment that will decide subsequent events, rationality is paramount.

We do not want to do something stupid. BUT Anger, hate, love, sadness, happiness, bitterness and all the other verbs that comes with the "capital E" makes us do stupid thing.

Capital "E", Emotions....

It's god's gift and curse to man. A powerful tool, but bestowed upon man, whom lacks the ability to wield it. It can serve to multiply effect, spur one on to perform beyond capability, but also the ability to bring about the destruction of oneself.

i do not fear it's power, i only fear it's consequence. I do use it, but wisely, in control, if anytime u let go of its rein and it will rear a fire breeding dragon, ready to consume EVERYTHINGGGGGGG~~...

Once lose there is no control, no stopping, till finally it consumes u.

IT'S FREAKING SCARY...

now, dun u just wanna return it back to god or to wherever it came from?

2009-05-06T17:17:00.005+08:00

Woooohooooo... Freedom!!
or at least for the time being. Exams are finally over.

Took the bus and train home coz the car is still at the workshop. haha...

Guess what?

The first thing i did when i came home was to reach for the remote and turn on the TV, my god, after weeks of TV deprivation, i could wait no longer. haha... No show on the TV? doesn't matter, i have dozens of shows i had recorded on my digital set top box during my month long exam revision.

Haha... and against the better advice of "Hiak Hiak" i was watching TV instead of going to sleep... hiak hiak hiak...

So it was the continuation of HOUSE season 5. Right now AXN is showing like episode 9, while i'm still stuck at episode 6. haha... Time for some catching up. I'm a sucker for medical drama.

But perhaps i like HOUSE best was because in some way i find that i can relate myself to the character, not that it's a good thing coz, ehhh... well u have to watch the serial to know. He's god damn irritating, blunt, tackless, but in some way he is lovable and always delivers the cold hard truth, addresses human idiocy which we so often cling to as life's true doctrine.

MY GOD... speaking of that, i can't agree with house more, WE ARE FREAKING IDIOTS.
It's not our mistakes that is wrong, mistake is a result of an action, it's the inability to change or not make change an action that is wrong. For particular, humanly justified action, we fail to act accordingly, even when such action is WRONG! WRONG as in what's right for ourselves.

YES, WE ARE ALL FREAKING IDIOT.

haha... In certain ways we are alike, blunt, tackless but make complete sense. haha..

People hate him, but respect him.

Anyway in life if we can cut out emotions, we can make the best decisions of all, emotions clouds all judgement, mars the truth, blended with make-believes and all u have is some warp sense of everhything else but the truth.

Finally a break after a hectic month. Life doesn't really return back to normal, perhaps being hactic is normal, we are merely ignoring the fact for a while, taking a break before we dive back into the foray.

2 and a half year more to go. Plenty more coming up and many more gauntlets to run. But i'll be ready. I hope.

Somehow, dispite all the hardship i kind of enjoy this feeling, i'm tired but satisfied, i came home today, sat down, and felt a sense of pride, it has been quite a while since i truely had this feeling.

One thing about me, i never feel pride doing meager and trivia stuff, i always believe i'm too capable, to feel happy over small success is like an insult to my abilities. It's like saying i am freaking clever i know how to solve 1+1. It's a freaking joke, but there are plenty of such people around.

But then again, haha.. Whatever that rocks your boat... whatever. haha...

Anyway i really must document this, i was so freaking impressed after i wrote it.

It was the last question of the marketing paper.

Question goes something like this, "commentaries describe countries properity to a PLC, how are u against or with this statement" or something like that.

My god... It's application of concept lor.

ANyway PLC is product life cycle, it states the growth and decline of a product, something like today something is the "thing" but only to be forgotten 10 years down the road.

Wah liao... i wrote nearly 2 whole pages on this lor, complete with the PLC diagram and explanation.

In short i say we start from scratch, follow the PLC curve, but we will never reach the decline state although certain things will become outdated but we will find some other avenue to seek revenue from. it's more like an overlapped PLC curve without the decline stage. Anyway the question is also 2 freaking pages long. hahaha...

U should actually see the paper, leave aside how correct i was, i am freaking impressed by my work lor. it's not the length which the answer was written, more like the application of concept into a different field.

This is the first time i encounter such questions lor.

I feel like damn Uni student lor... damn... whoever say anything negative about being a graduate i'm ganna fuck the person upside down.

haha... I wish the lecturer was looking for some 15 smartest student in the class to work as analyst or something man. hahaha... Not that i'm the 15 smartest, but i would sure like to work with them and work on something big.

Anyway, i'm glad i'd chosen this path. Nothing will change that, rough journey will shape a man, or at least beat him into one even if he doesn't like it. haha... but i sure as hell do...

"Wooohoooo... do u wanna live forever?"

2009-05-04T15:10:00.002+08:00

Time does not turn itself backwards.
yet human often goes against the natural order of things.

It's always too late once time has past and never too early to make a right decision. Or perhaps it might all be due to the lack of ability. Time spares no mercy so choose wisely.

Things set in motion can't be undone, we can change ourselves but there are constant variable that cannot be changed. Do not lit the fuse if u do not intend to race the countdown.

Things are just like studying for exams, u cannot make up for lost time, time is already lost. Exams will still come on that day, date and time. U can only study faster or skip some chapters, either way it will affect the quality of your work in the exams. It will never be the same.

But humans being humans...

Anyway exams in 2 days time. actually more like 1 1/2. This is the final paper. The Finale...

Keep it together man. That's all i can say.

2009-05-01T08:53:00.004+08:00

...
i found myself staring at the post board. I do not know what to write. Overwhelmed by too much issues, i do not know where to start.

Perhaps i should begin with crashing my car, Yes, 4 days back i crashed my car on the PIE, yeah... the "fighter pilot" has went down, finally, haha... a 3 car pile up. Damn long story, dun really wish to divulge into it. Good thing no one was hurt, anyway i wasn't angry or anything, Just that i'm amaze that such things actually can happen out of the blues. Or perhaps it was the 3rd lane. haha... next time just stick to the extreme right lane. Safest place to be. "fighter pilots" lane. haha...

I'm preparing for a whopper for the premium next year.

Oh what the heck... it's something all driver face. The road is a dangerous place to be.

Plus these few days i seemed to have the most hectic of flights, i dun know why but the load is always full. I wondered was it me or something. i need to go shower some "7 flower water" or something. haha... Plus i even earned myself a written complaint, against me, solely... HA! How amazing man. Something u cannot talk yourself out of in the eyes of the company. Oh... fuck it. It's all part of working life, if everyone was so successful in dealing with thing, no one would be where they are already and no employers could afford to hire anyone coz they are just damn good.

This just goes to show i seriously need to complete my degree. I dun exactly take shit sitting down.

But on a lighter note, i did have the most pleasent of all surprises. Haha... For a moment, all shit on earth cease to exist and i found myself on plains of rolling meadows and cool soothing breeze, life was peaceful once again. Haha... ok ok... i was exaggerating, but let's just say it was a pretty nice feeling. Hiak hiak... Hmmm... i wonder can i be greedy for more? hahaha... Well, count my blessings right? haha...

A thot crossed my mind this morning when i wake up. Do i always like to play rescue ranger? Have i taken up what i need not be concern over? End of the day, everyone is answerable to themselves and i will have to ask myself, "have i ever did anything right for myself."

No doubt u may have saved the world but have u saved yourself.

Heros comes with super power and i don't, maybe i should consider this fact.

"save the cheerleader, save the world..." Hiak... ok... i'm uttering nonsense now. haha... Please ignore the sentence. hahaha...

Anyway i dun think the world need saving, even if a meteor the size of singapore strikes earth and wipe out all living things on earth, we would still start from some sea dwelling creature and start evolution all over again. Oh hell... we may just become Xmen. haha... Which is like so much better.

Which brings me to another question in life, since life is so fragile, why do we still impose on ourselves to do things we don't really like. A meteor could just strike tomolo and most of us would be saying "oh shit... i should have..."

The common expression is always "NO CHOICE" eh... so? No choice or else what? We could hardly answer. But often upon impending disaster human will find their choice.

Oh dammit sometime i really do wish a meteor will strike earth and get human's nonsense over and done with. The last one hour of earth is when u will ever find the truth in humans. If the last hour and u still can't decide, then u have wasted your entire life.

Or a easier way, maybe i should go climb some mount everest and get caught in a white out or something, get freezed half frozen then maybe i will get my thoughts straight... haha... Quickest way to nirvana. Haha...

Or perhaps i already know what i what. Choices requires the heart of a lion to make, or the easier way would be to wait for a meteor to strike earth. haha... Which in return i would get to enjoy my choice for 1 hour. Not so much of a bad deal, at least it's better than never... hahaha....

2009-04-26T10:36:00.002+08:00

Greatly Unexpected...

When did this question arise?

09. 2008091411. 09. 130125. 08012205. 060112120514. 0914. 12152205. 23092008. 19151305151405.

hmmm... perhaps we dun go about life expecting things, things just falls upon us. Perhaps the thing about predestine may be true to a certain extend. There is always a greater plan installed for us but at the same time we have the ability to alter its course, but the destination still remains the same. It's something like flowing down a river, the final destination is already there, u could either fight the rapids, try paddling up stream, changing course, ultimately u will still have to follow the flow of the river to where it ends.

Why do we never learn to enjoy the ride? Why the disappointment at the end of the journey when it is us who alter our own course. Do we blame the river when it was us who is doing all the steering towards the wrong direction.

Good things ultimately befalls on us, but we are impatient, we want assurance. Such is the flaws of human. Or pahaps we fear we might not live that long to complete the journey.

Anyway accounting paper is over, one down and one more to go. Things went rather well for the paper. except for the budgeting question which i could only managed half. Hope all goes as planned.

6th May- Marketing.

If what ends up as the truth, then i'm happy...

2009-04-25T06:31:00.002+08:00

D Day... Accounting Paper.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it, i'm ready for the big one baby!
Or so i hoped. HIAK...

Well, whatever it is, it's too late for any regrets now, it doesn't change a thing, what should have been done SHOULD HAVE been done by now. There's nothing much anyone can do to what's not done. Or is there? Nah... i believe if there is still a possibility that something can be done then one has not tried hard enough. And u will come out with all sort of excuses later. Leave yourself with no excuse but a reason to believe.

Anyway my believe is always to do all that is possible, if things dun work out, then most probably either there is nothing i could do about it or my method is totally wrong. Either way... there is nothing much u could do, both are process which only results at the very end will tell u eventually.

Anyway, i believe it's right for me to study, no matter what, i'm staying all the way till i see myself at convocation. I will want to do well, i will want MY distinctions.

It's still a damn long journey... but hopefully enough time for me to fine tune my studying techniques, eh... actually that's like an understatement, i think i need to fine tune my LIFE. Everything is not on track, i'm like a train with half its rear carriages sliding off the track while going at full speed. Damn... i need a miracle.

This sememster is a serious flop man. Just hope all will turn out fine today and on the 6th.

No more all these nonsense next sem. Let's start off right and straight.

Let us all hope i'll make it that far first. Hiak... Damn...

There is still this familiar feeling of inadequacy amist all the hype and excitement. DAMN...

FUCK... IT... i'm going for exams and all will turn out well... Yeah... Period.

2009-04-20T18:59:00.003+08:00

OMG...
This is so overwhelming, my exams are nearing and i have barely completed my revision, to make matters worst, my 24th MLE flight has been taken off due to some recency problem. Anyway i dun see the god damn problem, my 744 recency is still a month away and they took me off a flight just for recency?

I really need that flight. I need it to study, Short flight, easy to do with plenty of time to study. They have given me a MEL instead. my god, from a 4 hours flight became a 7 hours flight! i could have returned home on the 24th, at 7am, ended up i would only be back at 10pm. They have pratically robbed me of the precious day before my exams.

Anyway it's a bloody long story, i called everyone that i could call and all they seemed to be doing is just pushing the job around.

Serious i hope they would rot in hell.

I would not blame u if u tried, u don't even fucking wanna try. It's always "oh... u should call this person instead..." then that person will reply, "oh... after so and so period... it's not our job... blah blah blah..."

Oh man... just go rot in hell lah...

Well... seriously life s just too difficult, but then again there is always a choice to just lay back so why don't i?

Why pursue an illusive dream?

Why reach for something better when u can pretend and make believe that u have the best? Like i can say right now i have the fucking best job in the world. U can make believe that u can make 5K a month by staying in your room eating instant noodles and offloaded food from the aircraft. Oh yes, we do make 5k, that is before LESS cost and expediture incurred while travelling.

U do not learn to manage your finance till u take up accounting and finance.

But then again, there are those that will never learn, they would never calculate their margin of safety, and end up incuring debts.

My god, people will never understand what is gross value and net value.

Anyway i'm getting so tired of all this shit. i wish my exams would be over soon, and i might somehow managed to complete all my revision in this unbelievably blood short time. I mean, this is seriously so unbelievable, i so much wanted to work hard and there is so many fucking things against me.

Best of all, i'm only doing 2 modules this sememster, i can't imagine 3 next sem.

This is one reason why i dun want to have kid, after going thru so much shit from day 1 i dun see why i should make someone go thru the same shit as me. i would rather they stay as sperms and lead the fast and furious life.

Seriously, dun even think of sharing my burden, it will crush u. Don't, it has been proven. My burden is mine alone to bare. Because if u think u have gone thru the same thing as me, u wouldn't want to share my burden, coz if it were me, i wouldn't.

U would know if u've been there.

I'm a motherfuckin veteran and i love to smell the air of impending doom in the morning. Just another Fucking Day...

~SONG~ where's my SONG?...~~

"Left toe, Right toe, keep up the tempo...
here we go again... same old shit again..."

2009-04-13T15:29:00.002+08:00

Have i not learnt to treasure?
There are many things that are hard to come by and thus should be treasured, but weighed on the scale of importance, then what's most treasured may not be what's most neccesary. In this world priority exist and its measure of importance is based on survival. What u need to survive takes precedence over all things else.

Therefore what that i may treasure the most may not save me. To save a sinking ship, all else must go overboard. When push comes to shove, ultimately, what's most important would have to go too, sooner or later. Right now, the world situation seems to be in transit to the "shoving" stage.

Time and time again, we will be force to make sacrifices, but make one that at least improve your chance of survival, and not sacrifices based on sentimental reasons. If everything is based on sentimental feelings, then there will be too many that we will not be able to give up.

Often than not, what would eventually be sacrificed would be what that may be the most important and neccessary. What is the most important is always the cold hard truth that doesn't give the warm and fuzzy feeling for people to remember, thus always tossed aside without a second thought.

It is only when those warm and fuzzy fail to save the sinking ship then do they think of what that was lost. But it's too late.

So out in the cold and stormy sea, on a sinking boat, which would u ditch? The heater or the oars?

So what is important? only u can answer to that question, we all lead different life, so what u need to survive may be different from me. I definately know what i need to survive, and thus it's not my test. But rather, whether am i brave enough to make those choices is another questions.

Often the more RIGHT the choice, the more difficult and arduous the choice it's to make.

Thus courage becomes measure of a man, a man's life is never easy.

And that is my true test.

Am i a man or a wimp.

2009-04-12T08:13:00.004+08:00

Misconstrued Sacrifices...
Why the misinterpretation to life's most honourable rites? Where forfeitures are made in hope of greater cause. But no, human will have to warp every meaning to whatever they wished to percieve it to be. Selective adaption is human, but very flawed.

One sacrifice one's life so others may not have to make the needless sacrifice, but thanks to "titanic theology" of things, the "u jump i jump" principle, we have once again butchered a righteous intent.

Anyway if memory serves me correctly, the "u jump i jump" principle was meant to coax a coward into saving her own life and not pertaining anything in relation to sacrifice. There u see, selective adaptaion again and it has screwed us up pretty badly. But anyway thanks to human stupidity and the self application of selective adaptation, i can sell things that they dun need to them. It's call marketing.

Why dun u see, sacrifices are not meant to prove anything at all, in fact it is more liken the fact of not having anyone else to prove anything at all. Sacrifices are made for a greater benefit. Sacifices are made so no one will have to make them at all.

And why LOVE is warped?
If Sacrifices equates Love, then a misconstred Sacrifice equates a misconstrued Love.

Sigh... humans...

Anyway i studied till 2am last night, past my targeted "cut off" time of midnight, well, for a greater good, sacrifices must be made. Haha... But it was only at my own expense nonetheless.
Hiak Hiak... see my maga mind map... Someone will say it's "ER Xin" again... Hiak hiak hiak...

Look at it in contrast to my Handphone and textbook! ahahaha...

And it can be folded down too, with each folded page containing a subtopic. Neat! haha... I'm a Genius!

2009-04-10T06:34:00.002+08:00

14 Days to D Day.
Woke up early to make up for lost time.
i'm still feeling sick, the flu and the bodyache is killing me.
hope standby would not be activated.
Yes i'm capable but please do not expend me.
Got to start studying now, i have calculated that it is possible to accomplish the task of revision, but barely. 14 days is alot but only if studying is your only occupation. I still have to take into account of work.

Anyway i woke up with this phrase in my mind, "every beginning allows new opportunities, but u must be a damn fool not to learn from experence." In short, life gives u many chance to hit the restart button (although many times it seems like it's the one and only chance. Hiak), but prudence calls for us to use judgement and past experences in our decisions and not throw caution to the wind just because common consensus or your feelings are telling u so. Both are human traits and they are flawed and fickled.

Perhaps the worst thing is to seek advice from people who are facing the same problems as u, if they are still facing the same problem, it is a problem that they still can't help themselves with. Seeking advice from one would only cause u more dismay or at the very least, not solve anything. Worse if they use feelings to make judgement call.

Like i said before, evolution has grant us intelligence so we can make better judgement base on logic and analysis to sought a better outcome. It doesn't mean a lost is bad and gaining everything is good, because u do not want to tip the scale, u want to keep things in balance and in harmony. Cause if the scale tipped and falls, u might end up losing everything.

There are time i endured alot of nonsense from alot of people, not because i have to and by the fact that i am right in certain things, i could have just fired back. But better judgement calls for me to stand down as i seek to gain nothing from such an episode. Perhaps the only thing i saved may be my pride but it has no economic benefits of whatsoever and thus of no value and doesn't matter if it's lost or not.

After all, it doesn't matter since it's their lost that they failed to realise the most appropriate course of action due to their pride and their make-believes. It will be their downfall and not yours, thus there is no need to get worked up over what that will not affect u.

But ofcoz u would be asking since i'm right, why not strike back? Oh yes, why not?

If u wanna do so make sure it counts, make sure it serve it's effect for your future plans not just the immediate. In warfare we'll lauch a preemptive strike on the enemy, strike deep, strike hard when they are the most vulnerable and least expected and make sure the enemy doesn't recover.

The Japanese did so on the american superpower during WWII in pearl harbour. They wounded the american pretty bad, but unfortunately they left out the backbone of the navy, the aircraft carriers which later came back to bite them back in the ass.

Make your strike counts, especially against a more powerful adversary, cripple them and make sure they can barely crawl. Because when the tide turns, u will be overwhelmed. In warfare there is no mercy, because we are human, hates begets hate, violence begets violence, an eye for an eye, there will always be reprisal. Doesn't all these sound so much like everyday life? It's only on a greater magnitude, therefore u can expect the same if u decide to strike back.

In short, DESTROY HIM, if winning is your objective, don't just win for nothing, win for something, something of value and will secure future benefits.

Seriously i think i wasn't really sleeping the night before. haha... seem like my mind is always in process of thoughts.

Ok... Back to studies...

2009-04-09T23:41:00.003+08:00

15 Days to Go.
The countdown has began, so far revision had not been productive, if this goes on i might flunk the paper, something must be done, i need to increase productivity, or rather the efficiency in revision. I'm afraid what i've studied might end up being forgotten, then all the slogging would all be for nothing. I must as well do some flight and earn some much needed buck.

Chapter 4, there is still 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 13 to go. Not to mention revising on the past chapter of 1 to 3. Damn it, i just seem like i've only merely just began.

I want to sleep, no, I HAVE TO SLEEP, my body is breaking down, i'm falling sick, working and studying has taken a toll on my body. Yet despite the suffering, i expect no sympathy and i recieved non. I dun expect people to understand but neither do i expect to be ridiculed. Company says that we should not be falling sick, and others think that how can one study so much it affects his life.

I'm speechless, no way can i defend myself, no way can i use study as an excuse to my struggles, i chose this path and i know what i'm in for.

This is the world we live in, whereby what's right or wrong is defined by a common but flawed opinion of what's normal. What's right is regarded as wrong so long as general consensus says it's wrong.

Therefore, what's good for u may not be good and vice versa. Perhaps answering to your own needs may be the most "Right", even though in general opinion may be the "most" wrong, after all, how wrong can u get if u are doing what's good for u?

Double standard? Hardly, just as long as the rules set doesn't applies to them. The mere purpose is one of self glorification than as a process to right things. Evolution has grant us intelligence but at the same time the human imperfection in us has abused our gift.

We are ruled not by logic but by self greed. Collective agreement is a mere manifestation of common desire, even when it is wrong.

We are humans, we are flawed, therefore even in common consensus, everyone may be wrong.

We live in an imperfect world, why try to make it a perfect one?

Oh man, i'm so tired... time to go to sleep.

2009-04-09T11:03:00.003+08:00

Why people turn "SIAO"?
emotions makes people do crazy things, wish we could do less of these. What's wrong with being sensible anyway? Why do we subject ourselves under the rule of something so fickle? One moment all seems so important but insignificant the next. So why drive yourself by being a slave to your emotion?

why can't we be happy? Oh then again happiness is an emotion. Then why cannot we be "not" happy? why can we not do things dependent on emotions? Wished i'd feel less, or pehaps i already have little feelings thus there are voids for filling, that can be filled with other people's feelings. Can i not be affected?

2009-04-07T15:39:00.002+08:00

While driving home...
after i've sent my sister for her driving lessons, something occured to me. I do not want to be driving a family car. No MPV for me. I want to drive my Souped up turbo charged 2 door coupe, blast my R&Bs music on my ICE system, and race the next GTR to the traffic light.

I dun wanna fix infant seats to my car, drive slow and stay on the center lane. In fact i've never stayed on the center lane, why restrict yourself to one lane when u got three to drive on. haha...

Yes, i wanna play and what's wrong with that. It's not at anyone expense. It will be when i have to fasten a infant seat. No more cutting fast corners on the road, reving engines and traffic light races, it might snap the baby's head right off. Now that is irresposible.

No more Turbo charger,
No more ECU tuning,
No more throttle control,
No more big throttle vulves,
No more 17" racing wheels,
No more bodykits,
No more floor bar and struts bar,
No more hard racing suspension,
No needs for coil overs,
No more HIDs,
No more big Intake manifolds,
No more expensive brake kit,
No more Twin exhaust mufflers,
No more GT wings

And a whole other list of "no mores". It's not that u can't add on these to your MPV, it's a damn waste to add it to a MPV. A MPV is a van that deguise itself as a very expensive stretch version of a car.

i could do alot with the same amount of money.

And worst of all, it doesn't comes with manual transmission, u can forget about beating red lights and overtaking people. U are now OWNED my friend. Hiak hiak...

Damn... I am too young for this kind of things.

This is why your parents ask u not to date at such a young age. They knew best, and they want u to enjoy the best. But we never listen and it's a cycle of things throughout the generations. We will never learn.

2009-04-07T09:55:00.002+08:00

I've come too far...
and have even further to go.
it's a never ending journey yet i must not give up. There have been much losses, but i stand to lose even more if i give up.

It's not so much as to what i've lost, since what's lost cannot be gain back, but rather how to minimise future loses with the most returns in life. My lecturer says, "treat business as your life and your life as your business". How so true is that. In certain way they are inter-related, behaviour and character are consistant, therefore, how u treat your personal life will be how u treat your business.

There is never a good business man with a messed up life, just that the society make it this way. But a messed up person will definate end up being a messed up business man. Tell me, what's wrong with cutting your losses, but in society if it involves u and me then it's wrong. Human relationship mess things up.

If a Friend is a bad debtor, will u do business with him/her? But the irony of thing is that because that person is a friend, against your better judgement u will do so! Coz if u dun, u might lose the friendship. But have it ever occur to u that if he defaults on payment, it might lead to the same outcome?

Thus i say, FUCK it, If u are my friend and u know u might default on payment, why do u still come and look for me? Coz u know i won't say no? Then how much do u call yourself a friend? If it were me i would find some other bastards to cheat. I get to make my quick buck, u dun lose anything, i dun lose anything and we get to keep our friendship.

People always say they are cheated by their friends and stuff, i say they deserve it, they knew better. If sympathy is what u are looking for, u can have it coz it's free but it won't do u any good, since what's free doesn't have value. U need something tangible, if not u wouldn't be crying father mother.

Hard love? nope it's just the fact of life, Seeing it allows u to survive, obscuring it would cause u to walk off a building. Anyway love is blind, that how much u can depend on it as a guide. No wonder so many people walked off cliffs and buildings.

Freaking hell, i think god has created a feeling that obscured everthing that would ultimately lead us to our downfall. hiak hiak... of perhaps this world is so full of shit that he has no choice but to do so. We can't make it anywhere without stepping on our own shit. Not knowing it makes things easier. So thank u god, i think i've made it to my destination although my shoes felt a little heavy and soggy. Oh wait what's that, looks like chocolate puddy on my shoes, and taste like... hiak hiak... Nevermind, still thank u anyway. HIAK.

Anyway to the god loving/fearing people, Hiak... dun take offence ya, it's all for fun loving laughters, peace and joy. After all we are just only human. hiak. and he is afterall god, who is so magnanimous. haha...

Oh man... think my cousin is gonna kill me..., haha... dun kill me yah... haha... i can't resist a good joke.

Success is the measure of a man, how he balance his work and life, to do or sacrifice what is appropriate in his personal life to increase productivity in his work and gain maximum returns from his work back to benefit his personal life...

An example, Johnnie decides to give up his life of clubbing and gals and decide to put in extra long working hours, in return he gets a bigger pile of cash, a BMW 5 series, a big house and maybe a Yacht. U do not say i want my life of so and so and yet i want so and so too. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

Oh man, and we guys will say Johnnie is so damn successful, i just wanna be just like him. And girls will say he doesn't have a life, no family, no wife, no whatever... well... We guys will say, Johnnie can buy himself a vietamese gal. haha... who will happily bore him a soccer team.

Anyway, Norman Hiah is now doing some attachment in Vietnam and he said vietmanese gals are hot! haha... Yah... i concur after doing my Saigon turn and see all these ang moh ~~GI's~~ (sorry i'm still stuck with my vietnam war era), with a vietnamese chick wrapped around their arm. haha... Oh yeah... and they come with english language selection too. haha...

Haha... ok ok... That is damn bad of me, but my point is that there is always alternative and it's not really worst u know.

TO sacrifice everything for nothing is a bloody fool.
TO sacrifice nothing for something is a damn F***ing lie.
TO sacrifice minimum for maximum return is freaking brilliant but unrealistic.
Something must give, weigh its important vs its benefit in returns,
understand that fact then do u sacrifice more for more.
There will be a time where u will have to sacrifice much, but in return, TAKE EVERYTHING. "Leave no stones unturn."

Back then there was a time i always liked to say, "We give them NOTHING... But take from them EVERYTHING~~~~~~~." haha... but back then was during the army days which i was actually refering to stealing peoples girlfriends. hahaha... U see, unconventional warfare is sort of our forte. hahaha... Commandos.

"Day and Night while u're sleeping airborne rangers coming creeping all around..." haha...

2009-04-06T11:33:00.006+08:00

Am i bitting off more than i can chew?
I'm beginning to choke, i'm feeling asphyxiated.

i want it all, i want everything. is that too much to ask? If so, why refuse my rights to desire? is it because it is humanly impossible to desire to the heart content or do we limit ourselves to what we can have?

perhaps u do not really learn to swim till u realise u can't breathe underwater and fight to stay afloat. Likewise u dun call yourself a man till u go thru some tough struggle and choices in life. There is no discount in life, to earn yourself a name, u must survive on its proving ground.

I realised things might not be as bright and rosy as i thought. It appears i have it all, but in fact i'm struggling to keep it all together. My end statement would always be "with a little luck, i might pull thru". Luck has always been a major contributing factor. Someday wished my ability would be the dominating factor.

i dunnoe why i'm writing all these for, maybe it's stress and i just want to rant. i feel so tired, i wished i could paste a DND sticker on me for a while.

I SO WANT TO LIE ON MY BED AND SLEEP.

Hiak Hiak... i took this while rushing to the airport for my MEL flight. It's so damn early in the morning lor. The sun had barely risen lor.

Hey... it's crown guys, where the aussie poker tournaments are held. Chin Chun! i was there! haha...

Hey all my best friends, time to meet back at hall 7 for our poker tournament! Let me show u my trash talking skills once more. haha...

Oh and this is so damn cool, i came back in the morning and found 5 lancers parked side by side. Including mine! haha...

It's like Ubi car mart at my carpark with all the STi's, EVOs, Civics, EX's and turbo charged ZENGed cars.

2009-04-01T08:23:00.003+08:00

Why is it always the guy's fault.
Do we not try to please? Have we not done our part? Will enough never be enough? When will requests ever end? Do we have to give our lives inorder to convince enough that we had done all we could?

Yes i do feel for u, i know u are hurting but has anyone ever feel for me? How about listening to what i want too? it's not about me wanting to do my own things, but rather what that is required for me to do.

Why does everyone have to make me feel so guilty about what i have and need to do? Does relationship trumps all else in life? It's all talks, talks about taking time from here and there, i should do this and that. It's so easy for u to say coz u are not me. Like i say it all talks. Free and Unrestrained, without a thought of consideration.

How many of u have to go thru each day thinking about the household bills to pay, the loans to pay, the next semester's school fees, the unfinished group project due in 2 days time, the exams, approval of leaves for exams, whether i have enough leaves to meet next semester of studies, and i haven't even come to the part about what u have been concerning yourself over.

SO CUT ME SOME GOD DAMN SLACK CAN?

Nobody can do everything, but there are somethings that requires doing more than others. Can no one understand that fact. If u think it's possible, then SHOW ME. Then there will comes the talk of "it's difficult but possible" from somewhere, oh my god... this will never stop.

Yes it's possible, but do u expect so much from me to see me crawl and bleed? people only see what u can give, but no one ever consider the facts of what that has been given, what is there left to give, why it can or cannot be given. Nobody gives a damn...

I dunnoe, maybe everyone is right, i should be more committed to my relationship, since everyone is so keen on giving their advice now and then so often, i say u all should also be there when i fail my exams, u all will fly over to Mel and tell the program director that i should be given my degree because relationship is the most important aspect in singapore, without it, we are nobody.

Or perhaps someone will pay my bills and my loan, tell me "no worries man, it's all on me", or at the very least, will ask me, "u need any help? let me help."

Yes, i know all things can be acomplished, i can sleep less, trade offdays and stuff, yes it can be done, i have went on missions 3 days straight without sleep, with little water and food, pushing all human endurance to the limit, i didn't break, but it did turned me, my body took over, logic made no sense, i had strength that i never possess but it came with bloodlust and violence. It drives me to complete my mission. The perfect killing, fighting soldier. Humans are capable of adapting even when stretched to the extreme, but there is a cost. Something will have to give. Can u afford what u have to give?

This world is hypocritical. Perhaps people are always pointing out other people's faults and mistake in hope it will overshadow their own faults and mistakes.

SO to those outside people's lives please dun say what u would not do if given the same situation. Trust me, u will not want to be in my shoes. I will never demand anyone to do more than what they can do, so why demand so much as me? More importantly, is what u are offering meant to be constructive? If not, it's destrucive or at the very least doesn't change a thing and adds another problem to my whole other lists of problem to think about.

Be kind please if u care enough for me.

Why is the request of a relationship so hard to meet, the trials so insurmountable. I'm now seriously confused. This world is warped and twisted.

Anyway about the bloodlust part, i somehow enjoyed the violence back then, the limitless strength, the ablity to do the near impossible and the feeling of indestructability. I can fall off cliff and not break a single bone, people can get hit by all sort of things and continue missions without pain even with broken bones, no sweat, and the most ultimate of all, i hear a signaler and his group got struck by lighting and not die. They just dust themselves off, pick themselves up and continue on.

People see us as stuff of legends, Sigh... and here i'm, bogged down by matters of the heart. I'm such a disgrace to my outfit man.

Saw my batchmates while reporting for my PVG flight. been such a long time since i last saw them, too bad we are all reporting for different flights though...

Yiling, my exteamie and batchgal, Azim my SNY buddy and batchboy.

2009-03-31T13:51:00.003+08:00

I don't know what i want anymore.
i'm confused, i can no longer explain myself.

Account Test Result is out, 17/20 %, the taste of sucess taste so sweet. I just can't have enough of it. I can hardly remember when was the last time i felt this sensation. It lit my long lost drive again, it's addictive, i want more.

I'm sick of fighting for trivia things, this is something i can be proud of and nobody can contest that.
It makes me miss those days.

Back at SIM again today for the marketing assignment. Guess who i saw? Hiak... Those days came back to visit again. Missed those canoeing guys.

Sometimes i do not know why i behave in a certain way.

I do not know why i view the things i do more important than anything else.

I do not know why i find the act of sacrifice repulsive.

I do not know why i find myself lacking the capacity to love or feel love.

Perhaps i've changed...

Sometimes I no longer know who i'm, i act in manners that surprises me.

Perhaps adapting to this world has changed me.

There is no explanation, i tried and i found non.

Perhaps the very thought of success may be cruel in nature.

By wanting success, u may have just opened Pandora's box.

WTF... I'm seriously emo today.

2009-03-26T13:33:00.003+08:00

Rush Rush...
Oh my god, project still not completed, Accounting paper coming up on 25 Apr and i've yet to study. My COF from 28 Mar to 06 Apr has not been approved yet and i've yet to move my leave for my exam. Damn.

I shall not take anymore standby. Dammit... Damn Shag.

I lost to a Civic last night. i just do not have the pick up response. I need to ZENG my car.

Haha... But at least i managed to get the last carpark lot at my block basement carpark... I just hate to walk over to next block's multistory carpark. U have to take lifts up and down before u could reach your car. One lift down to the first floor, then walk over to next block and take the lift up to which ever level. Sian...

This is the first time i parked the parallel parking lots anyway, haha... Seems like quite a tight fit though. i hardly moved an inch before the reverse sensor started beeping.

2009-03-25T12:52:00.004+08:00

How to manage it all...
Accountancy Exam date is out, now i just need the date for the Marketing Exam. damn... can't they be more efficient. I need the dates! Deadline for the application of unpaid leave is on the last day of this month. 6 more days to go. Can u believe this rubbish, it's so hard to seek approval even when it's at my own expense and they have everything to gain. Oh well... till the day u sit right at the top, u are just everyone else's bitches...

Bending over and sore asses is a way of life, well at least for now.

Dammit... how am i ever gonna fit all of it together. To study, ace it and earn money all at the same time? If i could ever accomplish such a feat u would be impressed. I would fuck anyone who think otherwise. Hiak hiak...

Fucking shit, i got called up for SGN turn, can u believe this? oh my god... It's only a half day standby and i would be having my AALV tomolo and they still called me up, those buggers better return me my offdays. Twice i've been called up for flight before my Annual Leave and they have yet to return me the offdays. I'm not cheap nor free ok? I work my ass off everyday, have some god damn respect ya.

Anyway a few days back i changed for a MNL that turned out to be so damn full. FULL as in u know those weekends at shopping center car park with it signs outside saying "CARPARK FULL" and there are still cars circling inside and car queuing outside? Yah... It's that FULL alright.

haha... look at the long queue, we just about almost board with the pax lor.

Seriously lah... How much profit would be considered enough... If meeting a projected profit target is possible, would u say good and well done? or would u consider the fact that it's possible to generate more since a difficult feat could be accomplished, perhaps u could ask for a little more? Would u acknowledge someone's effort is ever enough or tell them they could have done more? Then when is "more" ever enough? human desires are limitless... Therefore i should say no amount of "a little more effort" is ever enough, there will always be more. Enough is finite, u can't use something finite to fill infinite, it will never happen.

People will always say they are not making money.

Perhaps i should say money has an infinite measurement, the term "more" or "less" is not applicable since no limit ever exist as a constant for measurement, therefore when u have money, there can never be enough.

But then again, is it wrong to ask for more? It's only human.

Therefore everyone has the right to ask, u, me and everyone else, then why tell me what i cannot have since u can have it?

Perhaps one reason is that the pie is only so big. A finite supply to meet the infinite demands, someone must have the smaller piece of pie and everyone is say "it's definately not me", and the one that has the power has the speaking rights.

"tou-ché"

Na bei... last sunday i parked my car at civic square carpark and when i came back after meeting for project discussion i found this freaking lorry parked so close to my car lor. Basket! na bei... give some space lah!

2009-03-20T15:15:00.004+08:00

Overwhelmed...
oh my god, i've been overwhelmed by my own life. Seriously, i feel lost. I'm burnt, i'm tired, my dwindling spirit needs rejuvenation.

I thot it would never be so difficult.
I believe everything is humanly possible,
but i realised it's only possible when u are in control.
SO far nothing seems to be in control.
Perhap there are things i have control over,
but hardly enough to make a difference.
Exams dates are not out yet,
closing date of leaves is fast approaching.
Group Assignment is barely done.
i've yet to study for my exams.
Fucking roster has so many Standby's that no one wants.
Changing of flights seems nearly impossible as people haggle over offdays, money and flights...
Everybody seems to want it all, all the flights, without all the work and with all the money. In every way they contradict themselves.
Sleeping 4 - 5 hours a night on stretch has taken it's toll on my body,
i'm falling sick, i can't concentrate, i can no longer focus my thoughts.
Work is repeatative, i'm mearly going thru the motion.
Study is near impossible as i try to catch my drifting mind, trying to hold it in place at least till break time.
I sometimes find myself spaced out while driving. I ran a red light once because of that. I was lucky there was no traffic.
I can only hope for the best.
It will be a miricle for me to clear my degree.
To wish for a distinction is nearly impossible...
Yet, dispite all these odds, i do not know why i still struggle on,
holding onto these fragile hope and dreams.
Perhaps it's not these hopes and dreams that is keeping me alive
but rather me keeping my hopes and dreams alive.

I just hope everything would just fall into place.
I'm tired.

2009-03-16T12:19:00.006+08:00

I need to change my life...
i'm getting fat, something i thot would never happened. School work are getting backlogged and i'm feeling so drained despite not doing anything at all.

I need better appropriation of time.

Things need changing.

Time for me to go for regular runs. Reservist is just round the corner, and fat fucks are not welcome in camp.

i should start studying for exams regularly. No point just trying to scrape thru, it's a waste of precious time for minimum gain.

I should have a proper sleeping pattern.

My piano is still sitting there, in desperate need of tuning.

I should watch TV less, it's taking up precious time. An hour of visual entertainment for an hour of work, it's too much of a waste. Somehow my eyes are just glued to that googlebox.

Sacrifices have to be made, u just can't have everything.

HIAK HIAK...
Drove back home from the airport last night with the least amount of fuel. Seem like u could actually stretch it a little further. Hiak i always wanted to do that. It's like WWII navy pilots trying to fly back to the carrier on "a wing and a prayer" haha...

Haha... i took this picture as i was driving out of Airport carpark 3A.

And someone in a Honda Stream tried to race me home. Hahaha... OH well... No blinking warning lights yet, what the heck, GAME ON..., well a 2l vs a 1.6l isn't exactly a fair flight, but over-reving engines to beat a smaller capacity one doesn't exactly reflects very well on the capacity of your car especially when u have all these showy stickers... Lane 1 looks on in astonishment... What the hell... Vroooooommm... HIAK.

Hmmm... can i just strike TOTO or 4D, my car needs tuning.

OH... and i've discovered something!
If u report sick for a flight before RX99, it will not disrupt the RX99.
HAHA...

See the MCFP on the 13th? hiak... 14th's RX99 still maintains. No standbys! haha... YEAH...

2009-03-15T12:09:00.007+08:00

25 Random things PLUS PLUS...
although i've mentioned this in my facebook notes, there is never enough "25 random things" to fill up my other random things. Therefore here is the continuation. Oh hell, i just need to express myself once more.

26) i wished i had more money.
Yes i do have enough to fulfil my immediate needs such as repayments of loans, school fees and such, but i wished i had some to spare to splurge on indulgence such as zeng my ride, set up my dream wireless network in my house, get my dream set of dive gears and own a PS3 or an XBOX 360. Can u believe it? i still dun own a console.

27) i actually like working my ass off.
Rather than choose not to have work, i kind of like working, the more and harder the work, the more it defines a person, stress doesn't really kill u anyway, it bends u, stretch u to new heights, break limits and setting new ones. At most, worse come to worst, u'll just break. U won't even know what hit u. Painless. hiak hiak... Twisted...

28) Wished for at least once in my life, i could graduate with distinction. My god, the elusive dream that has escape my grasp for ages. DAMMIT. This time round, u are mine baby. Yeahhhhh...

29) Sigh... wished i could just treat my other half better, but unfortunately what i could give is only so much. I guess all my ex-gf could agree with that, hiak hiak..., i want so much out of life that i may have took whatever i could have given them for myself. Perhaps i'm being selfish, but time could only spare u so much, u stole time from your sleep, from your family and friends, ultimately it's never enough...

It's a difficult choice, your personal development or the development of relationship.
Which would u choose?

Perhaps things might be different in the future. Somewhere along the line, things change, certain things will slow down and give way to others. Perhaps time is all about timing after all. There will be a right time for everything. Waiting the the difficult part.

Maybe i need a rest, i've been dragging myself thru life everyday, perhaps i could just stop and smell the flowers and feel the breeze. Nothiness might be good for me. That is if u could just blind me from the competitive world first. HIAK.

30) I guess it's hard for people to understand me as i myself dun understand myself sometimes. Guess we all do that, u can't predict anything as dynamic as the brain and anything that has one, it does not has fixed algorithms and even it does have, there would been too many to comrehend.

Perhaps its complexity is in relation to life's numerous everchanging variables.
There are no fix set of rules for something as inconsistant as life. Welcome to the rollercoaster. YEAH.

31) I am NOT trying to show off my ability to write, if u ever considered what i wrote on my blog as showing off. it's just my flow of thoughts. I prefer writing to stimulate thinking over account reporting. Well, i do talk about the past, but the future is not fixed and thus there's more to write about.

Besides there are too many grammatical and spelling error. haha... LOL.

Ok, if u like account reporting, here's some for u.

Yesterday i went to IT show 2009 at suntec and it's freaking packed! just take a bloody good look at this.

And my dear gal bought a notebook that was super value for money considering the specs was more than reasonable for the price. I even have my doubts, it was too good to be true, but it was true afterall. I went back and went thru all the system hardware, and i'm impressed! It was really a bargain, i mean it was not the drop dead top of the range type but it wasn't bad, infact it was good! Well... that will sure dig into their profit.

Only way they would ever profit is to sell in bulk and i mean ALOTTTTT... something like 10 set for each promoter each day. Small profit margin with large volume. Hiak Hiak... Sale orientated. SELL OR DIE, DUN ASK WHY... COMMANDO! hiak hiak...

Quick Quick... someone guess the price.

Ok... time to go prepare for my SGN, hope it's really light today. Dun really feel like "defining" myself today. haha... It's not laziness, just that the thought of occupying myself with some other thing more productive such as studying for the EXAMS, kept disrupting my zeal to slog the day in the field... Hiak... anyway each day we do the same old all shit, the same shit, just different day only. HIAK HIAK...

oh and 32) I miss breathing in nitrogen. DAMMIT... itching for some diving already...

2009-03-09T14:43:00.004+08:00

Of Jammed Style and Rashnessness
Serously, there are times i made the rashest of decision ending up "jamming my own style", as my cousin calls it and now i'm stuck in this draggy state of delusion. Some people can derive pleasure thru conning themselves. I know i can't, it's just not my style.

Well, clock doesn't run backwards, perhaps only option would be to "hang in there", tagging along with time, hoping for an eventual turn of events and that all would be in my favour.

Some decisions just can't be made, even if the outcome doesn't kill u, your conscious will.

Anyway back home from frankfurt, my first europe flight for the year. heee... Pontang one marketing class to make this trip. haha... Man i'm still so tired. Bogged down by project and tests that are draining me dry.

Anyhow i was glad i made this Frankfurt. Got to catch up with my cousin who was rostered this flight with me, stocked up on my chocolates and sausages and earn some well needed dough.

Oh as well as a revisit to the pasta joint. Missed those spinach.

Damn i'm so dead beat, burnt out and jetlagged...

I want to sleep. I want to watch my TV.

Damn...

2009-03-02T16:41:00.005+08:00

The School Nationals
While watching TV, Chanel 5 aired it's trailer for it's new program. Starting 4 Mar, Channel 5 will be featuring National School Sports Championship. How i wished i was young again. Those were the days of glory, medal winning and trash talks.

Missed those days of losers crying, as if the world has died, dumbass breaking their equipment in angrish defeats, (haha... my personal favourite) and the funny things people tried to do to win. haha... I remembered i saw a particular JC sat in a row meditating. oh ho ho ho ho... My god, comic relief for pre-race stress for the rest of the competitors. Hmmm... i wonder those jokers still does that or not. haha...

Well, if u are good u are good, u don't have to try too hard to win. I have never came back without a medal in any race. hmmmm... speaking of which i wonder can i sell my national medals for any cash. hahaha... Too many with too little place to keep.

Personally i prefer medals coz they save more space, i bloody hate throphy lor, take up so much space. Particularly with people like me who win 4 or 5 per year u will run out of space very soon. hahahaha...

I love trash talks. haha...

But those were the days and it's time to move on. But once in a while it doesn't hurt to bask in past glories. Let it soak in for a moment or so and then we'll move on again. Smiling at those times u trash talked your opponents, look of their lost hope and desperation when they lost to u, haha... Priceless...

Victory still taste so sweet after so long... MmmmmMMMmmmMMmmmm....

2009-02-28T16:24:00.003+08:00

Dilemmas
There are time where i should stand up and "be the man" yet i ended up hesitant. As much as "balls" do carry weights, unfortunately i realised that slamming your hard and heavy balls down on something meant a complete irreversible act of destruction. There can be no turning back once acted upon and there will be always be collateral.

Perhaps life actually offered us an easy choice, just that we fear making choices that u will regret later. But yet when current situation poses much threat and distress so why do we still hesitate to act? There is already nothing to lose, u have lost enough already.

Or is there?

There was this phase from where i came from, "courage is the strength to stand up when everyone else is sitting down." Perhaps we lack courage which explans why we are confined to our seat in this horror rollercoaster ride of our lives. Perhaps heroic actions and bravery can be found in our daily lives by the daily decision we have to make.

hmmmmm... perhaps all these rattling is just plain nonsense.

I'm just feeling emo today, needed an outlet.

Standby still not called up yet. Bloody 2 days of standby. Freaking shit, let us just keep it that way. I DO NOT WANT TO BE CALLED UP and i wanna go for Accounting class on Monday. It's a better use of my time.

2009-02-27T11:28:00.003+08:00

What do we truely want?
i thought i had the answer, but yet why am i still feeling so lost? Or does objective changes in relevence to time, what may be important today may not be as important tomorrow?

These days, i crave success more than anything else, but there was also a time where love took precedence over all things. So what had changed? Pehaps a change in situation cause a change in goals.

i've gain an understanding that we are all slaves to time, changes in situations derives from the changes in times therefore certain time allows freedom in pursuits of whatever your heart desires, while certain don't. We don't get to choose, we only get to react to what that is thrown at us.

Or perhaps there is a choice, just that the repurcussion of the alternate choice may be less promising.

I do wished to have everything, but everybody knows that is not possible.

I'll do whatever it takes to substain my pursuit of goals and there may come a time where i will have to give up some so that other more important goals may be met, it's not complete abandonment, but rather a detour.

Sigh... must i always explain myself, why can't my actions be justified by current situations?

Personally i feel very tired being human, we seek assurance from each other, at work, at home, with friends and close ones. Why do we need to hold fast to our promises even when we know it's to our disadvantage and why must we be compelled to make promises? Can we move on with life without making promises, can relationships, by relationship i meant affliations, substain without having to provide assurance all the time?

In my life, i have never ask for promises, especially from friends, i do not want my friends to feel obliged to do something they do not want to. U can be sure they would do it if it's within their ability to do so as u would have done it yourself.

Perhaps it's for self assurance that we seek promises, thus we ended up imposing on others to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. -to assure ourselves.

Something for all of us to ponder over, in relation to what i mentioned, should we blame someone for something we ourselves are incapable of solving?

I'm not implying anything, perhaps we should seek new understanding to life.

Anyway American Idol is airing on Channel 5 tonight. haha... It's the Group 2 Semi, Yes TJWwwwwwWWWWWWWwwww... i watch American Idol too! haha... I already watch it on STAR TV already. heee... The perks of SCV. Didn't watch it live though, but recorded it on my Set Top box. Heee... yah, i got the recordable digital set top box. Haha... Freaking hilarious, u guys should watch.

Can we all just chill, life is already complex enough.

2009-02-25T08:41:00.004+08:00

Argh...
DAC's tonight, the last i remembered, hell has moved to the skies. Dammit... come to think of it, it was only 2 weeks ago. I can't believe i actually change for a DAC. Oh well, needed the offdays for classes, though not much of a choice, u dun get the best of both worlds.

Life sucks, but that's the way it is. Anyway whoever says that we shouldn't complain should try doing these flights for a month, it will sure change their mind set. These people are like trying to say i-can-blow-u-till-u-come-while holding-my-breath-underwater to their bosses. My My... i'm amazed, i would sure like to see that happen! hahaha... Dun drown ya! haha... Pray your bosses come soon.

Oh well, as soon as i cleared my degree i'm out of here.

Why somethings can be a real pain? haha... like all things, u must experence it to know.

What u know u won't envy.

Personally i would prefer admiration rather than envy, envy is of jealousy, that u are undeserving, but admiration is of approval, of high regard.

Do u envy an olympic medalist or show admiration? I would expect no one would say envy unless he could do better. So do u wanna be envied or admired?

Anyway an update on my Accounting test. OMG... it's a freaking killer. 4 out of 5 questions were theory and they carried a heavy weightage on the test. U could see the distressed on everyone's face. We are all not used to being tested so much on Concepts and theory.

I can only imagine how the Marketing test in the coming weeks would be.

Heee... a picture of my Lecture Group. I was freaking bored after the test so took a snap of the Lecture.

Heee... sorry i'm lazy to rotate. That's me trying to copy notes. damn burnt already.

And here's a picture of a completely unrelated event. haha... I finally managed to get a parking lot at T3 that is nearest to the lobby! haha... The most sought after lots!

Haha... Hope later in the evening i'll get back the same lot.

2009-02-23T16:37:00.004+08:00

D Day.
Do u think i'm ready? i think i'm.

There is a feeling of calm, is there something wrong? I had this feeling before, is it a feeling of resignation? Resign to my fate of whatever to come? Or perhaps this time i'm really ready.

Pray is the latter.

Anyway during revision, i deliberately skipped some topics, i actually told myself this will not appear. It's too complex for a 1hour paper. Perhaps i'm now more proficient in learning, Understand the dynamics of test questions setting, or maybe i've completely lost my mind. haha... Anyway i have a good feeling about this and hope it serves me right.

Seems like all is prepared... Now i only need a calculator... hahahaha... Dammit...s... Hope back in SIM they still sell one. haha... or else i'm screwed... haha... Seemingly the most important tool and yet i always forget.

Ok got to go... Test starts in 2 hours time.

2009-02-22T19:38:00.003+08:00

Bring it on BABY...
oh my god, account test coming up in 22 hours time and i'm still on Chapter 1, or sort of... more like chapter 1/2. haha... The lecturer was right, U got to be god damn crazy to read the textbook, in his words, "U WILL DIE AHHHHHHHHH..." Pray that no theory appear on tomolo's paper. If not, WE"RE ALL SCREWED.

Heee... Turned on the TV and saw Eunice Olsen. Heee... i can never get enough of her, oh my god i can't peel my eyes off the TV. How should i put this, she is not exactly drop dead gorgeous but sooooooo... womanly and that goes a long way. Perhaps this is why girls are so puzzled with our choice of girls. haha...

Anyway i have started running over again and certain things still peeve me. Can someone explain to me why do people like to walk abreast on the pavement. Freaking taking up the entire walkway. How do u get it across to them that they dun own the walkway? Why must i have to end up on the grass patch to pass them? What the hell... Best of all, when u passed them they act like, "what's the hurry?"

MY GOD... U fucking take up the entire pavement! U are a god damn obstacle course. There are people trying to run u know. Hello?

i shall run again tonight...

i missed those day back at changi beach, we own the enitre stretch from our camp to the beaches. People are so intimidated that they just stand clear of us. haha... Oh well, sensible people would not wanna get run over anyway. haha... 9 mins for 2.4k, ouch... it will sure hurt. haha...

Anyway i will be doing Frankfrut next week with my cousin! haha... YEAH... been 2 yrs since we last did the MLE flight. haha... Can't wait couz. EH... u better dun go change flight ah, i skip class for this flight leh. haha...

Ok lah, wish me luck lah, i need as much as i can get.

2009-02-14T14:07:00.003+08:00

I'm GOD DAMN Tired.
i am so mentally worn out.
Roster's not out, exams coming, i can't match my classes to my roster with so many standbys. i am coming to think if i have made a serious mistake by taking up part time classes. It's wearing me out.

Or perhaps that's precisely what the company wants. Oh yes... there's plenty of time for u, but they never mention about the amount of usable time.

Nothings get done. i'm beat i'm burnt and no one cares.

Sydney's tonight and i will be back for class on monday.
Class is 7pm, i'm back 5:40pm.
It's gonna be close.

Life sucks...

2009-02-11T14:36:00.003+08:00

Oh damn it...
i was supposed to be sleeping for my evening flight but unfortunately i listed down the things i've to accomplished by today set me back many hours eating into my sleeping time. Sleep needed for my Freaking DAC turn.

Well, since now there is not much time to have a proper sleep, i shall just go without sleep, and after owing everyone months of blog entries, i shall spare 10mins to write this post before i go shower and prepare for flight. Beside's blogging was one of the things i wanted to do on my list for today. i'm so DAMN TIRED... arghhhhh...

Oh... what the heck, it was supposed to be my offday today if not for the fact i've got class on thurs and thus decided to take a DAC turn today so i can be back for classes.

Damn... All the things u do to get a degree. Life really sucks. But that's the way it is, perhaps i would get used to it, perhaps even like it, like the bitterness of Coffee... A Fucking way to develop an acquired taste for life's shit.

Anyway, homework's done, or rather for my part of the group project, the rest of the group have not email me back their portion of their work. Heee... i'm rather proud that i've managed to find time to do my homework.

Went back to STC yesterday for some Wine to Vine Course, which i dun really find interested, perhaps we have learnt that before and the company just ask us back to fill something in our roster.

Anyhow, it's a good opportunity for me to go back to STC to do some paperwork, i've to submit my SAF100 to planning dept for my reservist somewhere in the middle of the year. The Guys are all back from abroad, haha... which means we will be having a wild time this year. Something to look forward to.

I needed a new CEAC card as well... FUCKING THING COST ME $20 TO GET A NEW ONE. THOSE BASTARDS...

Drove down to NTU after my Course to meet chin chun and Gab at their Hall. But not before TaPaoed our favourite Chicken Chop noodles and Red Tea Jelly from Changi Village. Bring back memories from those days back in camp.

Heee... Someone suggested we play some poker game that i do not know how to play, ended up i won some pile of money. haha... Hey... wanted to treat chin chun and Gab Tidbits and drinks from the SUN store with the winning but Chin Chun don't want lor. haha... ok lah, give u all a chance to win the money back next time.

Damn... should have just study hard and we could have been hallmates. haha... Eh... Chin Chun, Give me the picture we took in your room leh... still in your camera.

Anyway my dear gal gave me an advance Vday present. haha... i Haven't bought anything yet. haha...

Her's...

Mine...

Our's...

Couple Watches...

Thanks Dear.

2008-12-21T11:42:00.004+08:00

I just love to scold #$%@ !
and what can u do about it. haha... I was cursing and swearing this morning when my dog shat on the floor, it suddenly reminded me of my NRT LAX trip when someone ticked me off for using explicit language. Frankly, haha... Like i care. Personally i dun use it on a person but on the situation itself.

But humans as being a pretentious race, we love to appear cultured, classy and whatever... (i can't be bothered to think what we are not.) Coming out of the stone ages just meant being more technologically advance than before but either than that nothing much have changed since we first came into existance. We still have the deep rooted animal instincts shared by all species on this planet- to rule and to conquer. Having higher intelligence just makes us more scheming. BASTARDS...

Therefore everyone just wanna prove they top their pride (as in LION's Pride) by belittling another, since now slaying each other is not an option in our so-called advance society and hence the showmanship of class and complex human cultures and the replusive rejection of all things that crude to show a differentiating line.

Is it wrong even if it cause no harm? But it draws a clear distinct line between crude and civillized. The easiest way to differentiate yourself from the rest and appear top. To say u are far better than the rest despite u are no better or far worse.

TO these people, i say F*** U and Get a LIFE.

I still love being who i'm.

Anyway Jan 8 the semester starts. OMG, it has one less module than the other semester and it's already so packed! I wonder how will i ever cope with the rest of my degree. NA BEI... See u guys back in school and my car is Chio once more! MUAHAHAHAHAA...

Ok got to go wash my car.

And PA-CHOOTSSS... have just been called up to do my HKG turn with me tomolo. haha...

2008-12-16T14:04:00.002+08:00

I really dun know what to say...
a good friend will come in handy at this time. Need to let everything out but no one to tell.

Sigh... Wished life were much simpler. Human emotions make things complex. Perhap if we have no feeling life would run smoother.

There is always a choice, i could walk away but why do i choose not to?

2008-12-09T23:57:00.004+08:00

Back from NRT LAX.
OMG i'm exhausted...

Seriously no one knows how tough a flight can be till he immerse himself in the shit. No two shit are alike thus no one will know how bad it stinks till the shit hits the fence. My god, this shit does stink! STINKS ALOT.

Anyway i've gain a new perspective to my current life at the moment and i've concluded that getting stuck in this shit is no joke. Reaffirming my believe that life must constantly move on, being stuck in warm shit is no doubt a comfort in this cold world but, Shit is still Shit. Only thru constant false self assurance do u tell yourself that this might be some life saving shit. So much so u believe in this shit.

Like i said, shit is still shit.

Why do anyone rather struggle through chest deep shit than come out of it and slug it out in the real world? After all either way is a struggle, must as well struggle with some dignity and pride.

Anyway why settle for less because others say so?

What others could not achieve doesn't mean it cannot be done, it's just waiting to be done. If u wanna be different, u've got to stand up first.

The acceptance letter for my Marketing Course has arrived in my mailbox. Time for a new direction in life. Present myself with options. Seek a better life, Live Proud once more, Dun make believe, LIVE IT!

2008-11-25T17:49:00.005+08:00

Back to Blogging once more...
hee... seems like i've been missing for the longest time, sorry guys. Too much things to do with just too little time. Anyhow, i'm back.

Damn, just went to visit a few workshop to get a quotation to get my baby fixed. The dent on the rear door and fender really stuck out like a sore thumb. Getting it fix would set me back a steep $600++ . Wondering if i should get it fix or not or just wait till... i dunnoe. When i get another new baby?

seems like the original plans for mods would have to shelved...

Anyway it's AALV once more, my last set of AALV for this year. Sometimes being on leave can be such a bore, almost counter productive, too long not to do anything and too short to do anything. Oh hell, what a spectacular waste of time.

Well, perhaps not really a waste of time since i get to spend it with someone, but then again, i could plan my offdays to do that. Being on leave is much like pulling out the stops on all things u wanna do, No reservations, whatsoever, not having to worry about work the next day.

Sigh... still thinking of the bloody dented door and fender. Basket, $600++, To spend or not to spend, that is the freaking question. Or perhaps i should pull out all other investment and throw it all in, to attain that ultimate singular pride in my life. The fulfilment of every hotblooded male's dream.

Anyone know where i can get it cheaper?

2008-11-02T23:56:00.001+08:00

Weekenders...

Weekends feels so good... Finally a chance to enjoy what normal people take for granted.
Weekends...

2008-10-21T11:06:00.003+08:00

i think i need a vacation.
hello people, i'm back, been a hectic month for me, so many changes to my life, so many things happening all at the same time that i almost couldn't cope. i think i seriously need a break.

A vacation would sounds nice.

My new toy has a dent. DAMN....

Love is such a complex issue. Basically u can't live without it, yet u couldn't live with it as well. It gives u strength yet burns u out at the same time. It's like a drug, it gives u a rush, a sense of euphoria, gives u almost limitless amount of energy. U demand more, to give u the same rush, u dun know what's happening to u till u hit a wall where it takes it all back from u and drains u completely.

Perhaps love is not about proving yourself to the other person, doing everything in the world to make the other person happy. instead it's about enjoying each other's company, enjoy what they can bring into the relationship including their shortcomings. If i still have so much to prove, perhaps i'm not the one.

Sigh... The truth sucks, yet, it present the facts in it's most simplest form. Perhaps that's why we hate the truth coz it present us with the clearest picture to make a decision, and sometimes, some decisions are not what we want to make, we rather be be shrouded from the fact than make certain decisions.

sorry i'm an emo bitch right now, i need to rant. Damn, i'm worst than a girl. Perhaps the things that make man a MAN is that they do not let thoughts stir in their mind. It clouds judgement and hampers decision making.

Emotion comes as an end state of an event, yet it also plays a part in the next, it's a double-edged sword. Wield it well and it will aid u, wield it poorly it will cut u. U are the master of your own emotions. What's bestowed upon u is for u to use and not for u to destroy yourself.

Damn... i still have so much to do... what have i been doing for the past few days? Damn...

I have my room to pack and clean, my new toy needs a wash and... COUNTLESS... can i leave all as it is? Anyway does it matter? Does anyone thinks that it matters? So why do i have to be particular about certain things?

Anyway happy birthday Karen and Pat too... Dun say i only wish happy Birthday to some people only. haha...

2008-09-22T13:18:00.004+08:00

New Toy Coming in Soon
heee... Foo ji Kun, Fong Yuen Yuen, TJW, Damien, Kurt... come ICT we shall see a convoy. hahaha... Hey, still got who ah? Join the club!

Oh... we can now go supper liao!

Jikun, we going to be schoolmates soon ah... hahaha... and to all my future school mates. haha... Prepare for supper. haha...

2008-09-22T10:19:00.004+08:00

"Song... Where's my Song!"

"I'm a long long way from home,
and i miss my love so,
early in the morning run...
When the cold wind blows.

When the cold wind blows...
When the cold wind blows...
When the cold wind blows...
and i miss my lover so...

I know i know...
U have to go...
So hurry back home...
Coz i miss my lover so..."

How Nostalgic, brought back memories of those days back in army, where we left home for training overseas.

As one song goes... "Far far away in the south china sea ya, i left, a gal, with tears in her eyes..." hur hur... well, in truth, it didn't really happened that way, more like the opposite, haha... coz the moment we boarded the aircraft they were making their way to DBL O and Zouk to celebrate their new found freedom. haha...

So much for the "tears in their eyes" part, it's more like "with tears in our eyes..." haha... come to think of it, army boys are seriously a bunch of losers... The fact is that we were some supreme war fighting machine yet when it comes to gals we are so weak and helpless. Ahahaha... But that was back then lah. But it's part of growing up as a singaporean guy i guess, looking back at all the joy, sadness, angrish and all those emotions of those times, i say we can all have a good laugh about it now and glad we've all moved on to bigger and more important things.

Some things are trivial, but then again, back then trivial things are perhaps all we had. haha... I'm so glad i've grown out of it.

Anyway the lyrics of the army song above goes out to those who are missing someone somewhere far far away... heee... well, this is to someone...

"So hurry back home,
Coz i miss u so..."

Haha... Chin chun this goes out to u too lah, hope your someone sings it to u! haha... U can sing me, "Ah JOn is my Best Friend..." haha...

Anyway here are some overdue pics.
This is a pic of me coming home from Amritsar, the station doesn't have aerobridge so we sort of walk towards the aircraft since it's park quite near to the airport building. haha... Some big parking lot man!

Oh... and that's the new uniform. haha... Dun really have much pic of me in the new uniform. Hmmm... The singapore flag, Nostalgic isn't it. Anyway if u realised on the right side the flag is facing the opposite direction. U all know why? Arghhh... i think i better say, if not alot of people will always print the flag on the wrong side, the wrong way. I just saw this idiot 3 SIR guy have his unit T shirt printed with singapore flag on it sleeves- the wrong direction.

Put it simply, the left side is always the true face, while the right side is reversed, so that the moon and the stars are always infront no matter which side u are looking from. imagine flying a flag, the flag if u look from both side is always one direction only. It's never flying at 2 different direction on each side. To do that is like trying to charge into battle backwards. Remember if u fly a flag, the moon and the stars will fly first, one direction only.

Please don't fly the flag the other way when u go to war. hahaha... when the moon and stars are backward it means retreating. Anyway now we know who will do that lah. haha...

2008-09-21T13:28:00.005+08:00

To someone...
Life is a journey, Let's enjoy it.

Imagine a bus ride, perhaps we might have taken a bad ride in life that makes us afraid of making that journey down the same path again. But dun because of that, fail to see the beautiful scenery outside. Sometimes the rumble and tumble is so bad we cannot see out of that metal tin can we are in, but doesn't mean that something nice doesn't exist outside. Hee... anyway when u go home, how often do u always get back the same bus driver? if not must be damn lucky or damn suay. haha... There will always be those days that u do look out of the window and smile to yourself right?

The world passes u by without knowing, coz u're enjoying the moment so much. Thus, worry less when u decide to board the bus, look out the window and enjoy yourself.

and the thing about "being obliged"..., it has never cross my mind really.

I will hold this bus for as long as i can for u to get on. Pretend to hog the enterance to slow boarding if i've to and let the bus uncle scold, just so someone may get on. haha... but the fact is, it doesn't really matter that i get the seat beside u or 3 row down, the fact is seeing u smile as u look out the window and watch the world pass us by may the most beautiful thing this journey brings.

Perhaps u are right that we all do look for something in return, but the concept of a sufficient return varies. Some may only require as little as a smile. :)

Anyway, To be able to smile at nothingness maybe be true happiness, for u do not need anything else to make u happy. U are happy already.

Oh... and my roster still sucks! haha... And the countdown now stands at 12. Tentative. haha... I still got standbys... Someone enjoy her DXB IST ah... Do take good good care ya!

Haha... Sorry for the bad writing, my brain is only half awake. haha... 5am has set a new record on our chat log! haha...

2008-09-19T23:47:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired...
Getting tired of everything. Wished instead i could be more motivated.

I mean, do anyone still remember the days back in army, the feeling where the word 'worse' knows no end, it clings on u, dragging, the road ahead seems never ending? U do not scream, because that is the last breath of air in your lungs. U are out of breath, out of air, suffocating. As the saying goes, " the only easy day was yesterday..."

How true.

Tired is the word, perhaps i need a vacation, ALONE. Spend time with myself, appreciate the hardwork that i've put in for everything i've done. Do something for myself for once. Learn to be happy that i still have ME, that i've not lost myself, lose myself to all the senseless pursuits that seems to yield no results.

Sigh... Mentally i feel so drained.

Do i really sounds so "all-about-myself"? That seems like my problem is the biggest? Everybody has their own fair share of problem yet what give me the right to complain right? But yet why when some people rant so much people are so willing to offer to listen. A flood of listeners and a tidal wave of consolation and care. In short, everyone has problem but not everyone has the right to rant. This is life, it's never meant to be fair.

Perhaps i should start redefining the word happiness.

Perhaps happiness is to expect non and if kindness decides to give u back a little in return, it would seems like heaven. That's pathetic, but very human.

Maybe i should go Tibet or something, rethink my life all over again. Spend like "7 ~~Years~~ Days in Tibet". hahaha...

Anyway i just got back from Delhi, no one wanna go out with me so i went downtown, Connuaght place all by myself. It was a good choice, i spend less than SGD60 there including transport, meals and shopping as compare to staying in the hotel ordering room service which would have cost me SGD50 already.

But the hotel is super nice though... just super EXPENSIVE.

The Maurya New Delhi. I just love the lobby Ceiling...

Connuaght Place sound so "colonialist" right? haha... but that's what i love about India, Ok, let's not mention certain things, but india does retains some of it's colonial day charm, the old world charm. It's like a walk back in time. Almost romantic... ALMOST... haha...

To be frank i was rather reluctant to go out, there was no company and i'm freaking tired, maybe i should just stay indoors. But come to think of it, i would be study next year and i would have less time or rather no time for sightseeing, i must well make the best out of every trip i have left. Soon it would be just staying in the room mugging for exams.

I changed, stepped out of the hotel and took a cab. Haha... on the way there the cab driver told me that in the past month, 3 bombs rocked that area. haha... WAH... THANKS LOR... But then again, i'm a commando, nothing faze me.

The gals were also not interested in going out, coz they felt with the bomb blast and everything was damn dangerous. Well, when u have a boyfriend to live for your life suddenly become more valuable, u suddenly see your life ahead of u. haha... LOL... Anyway i realised some of the senior crew did went out eventually, just that no one told anyone coz they all have their own plans and objective to accomplish, besides, they all knew they will get back the same response i got.

Finally here, the sky above india.

Connaught Place.

The open air market. Bargain hard and get the most out of this place. If not they will eat u up. haha...

Road side store. anyway one hungry? haha... but smells good though...

And i love the smell of this, roasted sweet potatoes... They roast it in a flower pot. haha... So funny! haha... But seriously smell damn good!

Oh... that time in PVG i was telling Chin Chun i feel like Jason Bourne, haha... like i'm everywhere in the world, act like u know where u are going but actually u dun really know where the fuck u're going to. haha... Just pretend and run all over the place.

The underground Bazaar.

THe Cheapest books in the world can be found here. The same book for 1/3 of the price anywhere. 200 Rupees after discount? noooo... go for 100! Must bargain! Or u will end up like the people below. haha...

Heee... Kanna Conned again, FOREVER! EVERYWHERE! haha...

OMG... can u believe this! haha... MACDONALDS... haha... My dinner packed, to enjoy back in the hotel room.

My choice of books.... haha... They say we are all defined by what we read.

Oh... Someone's book is there! haha... i'll pass u soon lah, when u have time.

2008-09-17T12:06:00.003+08:00

Life Expectancy...
How much to ask from life that is not too much, is there really no limit to what we can ask for from life?

They always say, "The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment." Therefore should we expect less to minimise expectation and in some way find satisfaction in all these... Sigh... My mom says i'm hard to sastisfy, i'm perhaps too ambitious for my own good.

So how much can i ask before it's too much? My mom says it's according to your ability, so then again how do i know how far i can stretch before i reach my full potential if i dun push myself beyond my own boundaries?

There are many instances in life that i went far beyond what i thot i was capable of. I learn that there is no limit to what we can do, only that our believes limits us. But like all things, there is a cost... to me, perhaps my drive made me a more unhappier man. maybe it's due to the stresses of living up to your own expectations, knowing that what can be accomplished but yet why u are still trying so hard.

I dunnoe but is wanting all too much? if so how much do i deserve without shortchanging myself? is it too much to ask? What's the cost of wanting so much? What do i have to give up?

I've been giving things alot of thots lately. perhaps everything is just a matter of luck. It's already yours in the first place, it's just a matter of giving it a try that's all...

hmmmm... NAH... i dun believe in fate, i believe we do have control over our lives...

Anyway someone's coming home soon, have a safe and good flight back, Hahaha... i think i lost count of the numbers of days liao. hahaa... Come home soon and have a good rest lah... Take good care, hope your cough recovered already. Rest well and take good care ya!

2008-09-16T23:57:00.003+08:00

Waiting.
How to let someone knowing she's being missed without saying it? haha.. Eh... i dunnoe. haha... But i think someone will know lah. Heee... and still counting down.

The cat is out of the bag! haha... YA YA... can display the pic liao coz someone know i can solve it liao. haha...

Oh... i got a new toy on the way! stay tuned!

2008-09-16T13:02:00.011+08:00

Back from PVG!
Oh YES... Finally a well deserved break. The Standby Call Up has activated my 4 days of standby's giving me an offday and one unreflected offday as well. Finally caught up with rest. Never slept so much last night as compared to the past 3 days. Seriously i don't feel tired, or perhaps i do feel it just that it doesn't register in my brain anymore. haha... Maybe zombies are human beings after all. *LOL*

Anyway finally got to fly over to Shanghai to meet up with Chin Chun who will be stuck there for the next 5 months. heee... poor thing, dun come back and talk funny ah! haha... Watch too much of the Russell Peters jokes already. haha...

It's food galore day in Shanghai. Back to those army days RnR in Taiwan once again. Made an all-in-one makan stop at "Finger Food Alley", hahaha... pratically directly translated, i'm so lazy to change to chinese font. Did some catching up as well, haha... almost seems like another ordinary day at orchard. Just that we are now in Shanghai.

Chin Chun, u better say this... AH JON is my BEST FRIEND... haha...

Start of the Day, Touchdown + 4 hours. Slept for only an hour and Chin Chun came knocking. haha... Well, so much for "crew rest" haha... time to go.

Haha... Looks damn gay but we are not, Gay is SK, i meant S GAY... haha... Oei... basket what u tell your GF ah? How come she go tell chin chun, "jonathan? that ser peh peh one ah!" WAHHHH... make use of my name right SK! haha... Next In Camp Training u shall die. haha... Nevermind Chin Chun shall go tell her u are gay... *LOL* Eh... NUS quite far from NTU leh... hahaha... Oh... i forgot, arn't they in Shanghai now... MUAHAHAHAHAHA...

And Chin Chun comment the hotel TV got so many channels. haha... Sick of watching CCTV liao. hahaha...

Heee... i forgot what this was for already, but i think got something to do with foo ji kun and ICT. hahaha... Ah Fooo... we all miss u! HAHA... missed kao pei-ing u! haha...

The Train Stop closest to the hotel.

Our Destination, 4 stops away, Nanjing Road, West.

We arrived into the makan street. Surprisingly it's rather crowded despite the rain coz there isn't really anywhere u can sit down and eat and most are like for Ta Pao, to eat on the go. But Chin Chun said that on a normal day it's super crowded.

Oh and u all should try this, It's called Shanghai Fried Xiao Long Pao. Super Nice. like a crispy version of xiao long pao. Crispy on the outside but wet and soupy on the inside. Ai yah... i dunnoe how to describe lah... But it's nice. U must know how to eat xiao long pao first to understand.

Now onto the next queue for BBQ octopus! The Queue is like 15 mins lor! i can have a meal while waiting. Anyway that's what everyone does, u buy something and eat on the next queue. U eat while u queue.

Look at the queue man!

Finally Gotten our food!

This is like damn unhealthy... but who cares, as if like i'm gonna live that long! haha...

Finally sat in a shop to have a proper meal! this is nice, Kong Pao Ji.

This one super nice, it's BBQ duck gizzard. I didn't know u can cook duck gizzard in this way. Next time our BBQ got new food ideas already. haha...

Now to turn a dry dish into a soup dish. WAH... Basket it's damn spicy man! Chilli HOT!

Chin Chun cannot take it man! Removed all the chilli. Or tried to lah... Still doesn't help! haha...

Finally Ice Cream at Cold Stone. The song they sang was damn irritating lor. haha... They will sing u a song when u enter the shop. haha... Something like a door chime like that. haha...

On our way to People Square we passed by the Shanghai Art Museum. Damn, just so happened my camera ran out of batt and we have to resort to camera phones.

People Square. Haha... They also have Hershey here! haha...

Looked almost like the one in NYC.

Buying a ticket and taking the train back.

Haha... I always wanted one of these glasses. haha...

Chin Chun writing a special Msg to his "someone" haha... How sweet, while i shall act as courier... WAHHHH... Nayang Heights ah... Soooo far ah... that will cost u more! hahaha... U lucky i going SIM on my Touchdown day, on the way lor! haha...

Quick... u better sing that song again... AH JON is My... haha...

Anyway in the end we skipped massage due to the lack of time, if not i really no need to sleep liao, came back and ordered room service. Lazy to find place to eat also lah, haha... at least back in the room can makan at our own comfort.

Alright Chin Chun, till my Next PVG flight... haha...

Oh... People i've finally registered for RMIT marketing program. 3 yrs lah, no discount coz i was in engineering, not a related course. Let's all hope my application get thru. haha... Coz i want desperately someone to go my Convo... hahahahahaha... Ai yah... but seriously, i really want to make it this time, for the longest time i've always never make it in studies, just this once i hope things will turn out differently and prove myself that i can do about anything as long as i put my heart to it.

Nothing is impossible.

Eh... sorry for all the spelling and grammatical errors, i'm rushing thru this post! haha...

2008-09-13T13:51:00.003+08:00

Wahhhh... So long ah? Heee...
21 day before an opening in our rosters again... hahaa... That's like 3 weeks! OMG... haha... So long man!

Take good care of yourself ya! Check your mailbox too. :) Happy food will be delivered and smiles guaranteed! haha...

Hmmm... must remember to go register for my course when i get back. damn it, i missed the course seminar today. This is what i hate about this job, i seemed to have so much time but i can't do anything with it. Because although time seems alot, people often do not take into consideration the time needed to prepare for our next flight. We waste time sleeping in the day because of time zone difference and overnight flights.

Just like every job, work eats into our personal time. Office workers bring work home, while we have to do our homeworks before flight plus the various preparation and waste bloody time sleeping so u do not go to work half dead.

Oh shit and i forgot to ballot for leave also, must thank someone for reminding... haha... LOL. Got to remember to ballot some for exams as well.

Remember this, there is no such thing as a good job, only one that is worth doing. All job requires sacrifice, find one that pays u the most for your sacrifices.

Heee... Song dedication time! heee... Enjoy!

2008-09-13T10:37:00.004+08:00

PVG called up.
Woah... Best call up ever, i love shanghai, can stock up on my DVDs again. But then again why is there always a catch. I hate 772 Aircraft. Damn, why do they still fly this stupid aircraft, in the first place i wonder who designed this configuaration? It's plan dumb. Is there anyone on earth that's that dumb? It's very work-unfriendly.

Well at least get to go meet chin chun in PVG. There's so many of u guys on overseas attachment. Dun worry i shall visit u all in time to come.

Someone's falling ill already, get well soon ya. Wished i had one more offday to accompany u.

Heee... someone lack of sleep and sick still looks better than me. haha...

hmmmmm... i dunnoe what to say that will offer comfort. I hope me and my company will help. Tide u thru this tough period and bring back smiles. Maybe it's not very sufficient, but i hope in some way it might help. :)

Cheer up ya, time pass very soon ya.

Oh guys, heee... I think i'll be registering for marketing instead of mass comm... just went to check again yesterday, i just missed mass comm's registration date. haha... *LOL* But then again the part time marketing program is the same one as the full time which i wanted to do back then. This is the first intake for this program and i realised it's cheaper too. haha... Contact hours are more flexible too. Seems like can just fit around my work. Wah... Seriously a bargain.

Seriously i can't wait to get back to school. I just about had enough of people telling me what to do even when it's so stupid and wrong. I shall rise above all and set every damn thing straight.

Heee... Guys we shall take a Detachment 1 Combined Convo Pic. haha... Hey... some of u all doing 4 yrs peogram right? We shall wait for all to clear. We had our Army ORD photo, now is another phase of life. We shall engage a professional photog to take for whole of Detachment 1. haha...

Actually someone made me very happy yesterday. She said if i cleared she will go for my Convo. WAH... Thanks leh. Haha.. I'm easily satisfied. Heee... and someone showed me she actually did made plans to go diving with me. haha... Got black and white somemore. haha... Thanks once again, u made me a happy TTLS. :)

Heee...

Time will pass fast ya, 3 yrs for me to clear, 2 yrs for sworn to be back. It will be soon! :) Cheer up ya dear girl! I shall accompany u.

Oh... and my new toy! Time to go diving.

Someone please take good care of yourself in Abu Dhabi ah. :)

2008-09-10T11:47:00.002+08:00

Fatigue is a Friend. An Irritating one...
OMG, i'm so tired, woke up at 0530 this morning, couldn't sleep, yet feeling drained and tired. Damn, woke up to say hello to fatigue. Perhaps my mind was telling me there's plenty to be done today. No doubt, my schedule is pack from morning till night. Plenty to accomplish today. Perhaps this job doesn't really suits me since what i need to do must be done in Singapore.

People never notice that we actually plan work around our lives, which is why people choose work with good offdays, perks and stuff, so while work takes up most of our time, we still get to do the things we like... Only exception is my job, people plan their life around the job, the job is center of all things. Are they very proud of it? No i dun think so, human will always look for a reason to justify their sacrifice.

For people still looking for job, perhaps u would like to make this your life statement, "we should be the reason why there is work, and not work is the reason why we exist." We are hired to do a job becoz of our expertise and not because a job need filling. Make yourself indispensable, value your exsitant.

Anyway what we do in life defines who we are, no one is define by work, if so, the robots in the factory would have more characters already.

Anyway Rescue Course is a go! Class and Pool session today, if i dun do it now, i dun know when exactly am i free to do it already. But first thing, got to go pick up my underwater camera casing!

2008-09-09T15:07:00.009+08:00

The Madness, The Serenity...
Two different world all in one day.

Some crazy ass idiot decided to activate my standby for a MEL. Thanks alot, an Aussie flight after 3 SBCU for 3 Indian flights. No doubt there is money to be made, but at least u could return the Perth that u've dispruted right? U could have given me an easier flight right? It's still an Aussie flight right?

No complain doesn't mean i'm not human.

But i did get a consolation though... Jayme the sightsee / photography kakii was on my flight. hahaha... i didn't know till i was at the briefing room. Reason being i can't be bothered to check who are the crew on flight nowaday.

Anyway the trip up wasn't much of a problem, full load but nothing that i cannot handle on the ER, been on EY since the first day this Aircraft came into service.

But the trip back was... OMG... Let's just say we shall not mix with LOW EQ people. I can't wait to get a degree and get out of this place. Pity the crew that has to weather the storm for the 2 sectors. Lucky i only have to endure one sector and it's on the way home, leave all these rubbish behind in Changi Airport and Go home.

MSN me to know the full story. haha...

Thankfully Melbourne wasn't as bad a station to nightstop in. Serenity is the word. Remedy to the 7 hour battle from singapore to melbourne. Work is not easy as many think. Sitting down watching movie is easy, let's not discredit people's hard work shall we?

A photography field day.

Crown Promenade Hotel Lobby.

The Morning Sun. A walk in the park.

The placid river.

This is so serene. Really help to calm the soul.

The photographer's photography. Jayme's capturing a shot of me capturing her.

The doggie art work.

Bluest Sky. In the playground.

Swanaton St, heading for lunch at Mekong. The Crew Joint.

Horse Carriage? where did this came from.

The hotel pool, too bad i overslept, didn't go for my swim.

Look what that followed me to Melbourne... haha... Happy food from someone. haha... Eh... not exactly lah, what was left as safe guard, ended up being eaten all by myself. haha...

One...

Two... Three... Four...

I love the microwavable Campbell soup! A must buy before going back. The Natio shaving foam, i've searching for the longest time! the smoothest shave ever!

The night sky.

Human are seriously so messed up, we mess up the simpliest thing. The strangest fact is we rather not change a thing, leaving everything as messed up as it is, despite knowing a solution. Perhaps it's fear, fear of repeated disappointment. Nothing in life is guaranteed. I fear disappointment too, but i fear living in the shadow of the unknown more. I rather know i failed then not knowing if i could have suceeded.

Life.

Sometimes i wished i could just fast forward into the future and see how things have turned out. Whether have i slogged in vain. Perhaps not knowing is better, an unknown future means there is hope. Anything is still possible, the future is not written. It's your's to write.

I've been contemplating between mass comm and marketing. Now the choice seems clear.

2008-09-07T00:58:00.001+08:00

Dedication...
Something that made me smiled, hope it does the same for someone too. :) Goodnite.

2008-09-06T21:26:00.004+08:00

Oh my god... Expect no mercy...
Oh shit, look at this, i kanna called up again! Mel tomolo morning, 0755 reporting... God dammit... These bastards... Really in their most true form already. ha ha...

The shocking truth appeared when i logged onto Aircrew. My god, look at the number of standbys i got activated. One really questions the extend of punishment one can endure, before one cracks and starts stabbing people. haha... *LOL*

The printed copy to prove my point to everyone else.

I'm seriously so tired. Got to go to sleep real soon.

Why time never seems enough when u needed it most. A minute can seem like eternity, yet it can also seem like less than a fraction of second. Wished i had more. If stealing time allow me to lengthen each meeting and delay the parting, then let me be called a thief, and steal what's much needed.

To someone, wished i hadn't been called up. Wished i could go hunt for your Lomo fisheye with u.

Oh... anyway i checked, it's in 35mm also, the same standard film we used to develop. haha... So shouldn't be much of a hassle developing. Hope the store sells. Oh shit... i forgot to collect my underwater camera housing again. let's hope they keep it till i get back.

Heee... A testshot of my new IXUS camera at home.

Hey... they always name photo one right? haha... I shall name this Chinese mooncake box haha....

Someone enjoy the AALV ya, most prob u would be on your way to Syd when i get back. So here's to wish u a good and safe flight there and back. See u soon!

2008-09-04T23:52:00.009+08:00

The ATQ post, FINALLY...
Yah yah, people, i'm back from Amritsar, hee... sorry i took so long to post this post, heee... getting lazy already i guess. Anyway if u all were to visit my facebook u would have noticed the pictures were up already.

Eh... Seriously can i just blog in point form? hahaa...

Anyway despite the 2 clear days there i didn't do much sightseeing. First day was wasted on some talks of buying car, IFS wanted to downgrade his car, haha... But even after all the lengthy discussion, the matter still remains inconclusive, even till we set foot on singapore soil. ha... can a man be anymore indecisive?

And did i not hear wrongly? Speaks of downgrade caming from a person who earned the most among us. haha... seems like this isn't a good job anymore, times have progressed but the money hasn't. Only the ignorant fails to see.

A comment was made while i was disembarking the plane, "what's the use of being a graduate if non of u can speak proper english?" Which i replied, "it's only a choice whether to or not, armed with the skill doesn't mean u have to use it, not using it doesn't mean u don't know how to use it."

Besides, being better quilified than u allows me more choices than having to decive myself to be contended with the meager choices i have.

Men are the same, who doesn't crave success, respect and power.

Anyway i was trained as an engineer, not a linguist.

Back to the Amritsar trip.
The journey began at 4:30pm towards the wahga border. The border that seperates Pakistan and India. Look at the chaotic traffic.

Horse drawn cart shares the road.

The clutter of road side stores.

Paddy fields along the side of the road.

As we approched the border, cargo lorry piles the side of the road.

The Pakistan Boader on the other side.

Wah... the India side of the boader looks like national day man!

While the Pakistan side looks empty. haha...

The start of the ceremony

This is damn funny, see how they "Ser-di-ya" haha...

The gates opened!

Taunting the pakistan border.

The flag lowering ceremony.

Carrying the flag back.

Why they always do that? The mob. haha...

The Indian Guard. it's a freaking hot day, look at my sweat.

As we walk back our side of our border.

The night drive to the golden temple. The night market beside the road.

Passing thru the Gandhi Gate.

This Picture looks so "national geographic". haha... I always wanted to be a nat geo photographer.

We arrive at the Golden temple.

The mass production of temple food.

Recieving our plates for meals.

Having our meals on the floor, mass communal dinner.

The dinner, a mix of sweeten porriage, charpathi and... i dunnoe what is that green stuff. hahaa...

That's about it for this post. heee... glad someone's feeling better already. But still, better take good care ah, see u real soon again. :p

2008-09-03T18:43:00.005+08:00

I'm Damn Pissed.
please remind me not to talk about grown up things to young gals, or for my case, dun even reply them, i dun wanna vomit blood and die. It's a trick, it's a trap, they wanna corner u and tell u they know more than u despite their age. Seriously.

My god, and please dun talk about love to me, i've known cupid long enough to know he is a freaking idiot and damn poor shot. How in hell u shoot with your eyes blindfolded. Yah... looks damn zai, love is blind, but sorry, i'm a marksman, i get $200 every year in army for shooting almost perfect score. I SHOOT WITH BOTH MY EYES ON THE FREAKING TARGET. If i have to shoot, i shoot to kill god dammit, put him out of action, out of misery, out of suffering, not shoot and maim that poor bastard and laugh at his misfortune. That's freaking wicked.

Yah... That's your cupid all right...

I now belong to a different age group, people my age are now married, have kids, own house and car, so how is it possible to make comparison between our views in life. Thus i say, "u will understand when u are my age." But some people still dun get the point. They still keep insisting love is all powerful and all conquering even when u tried to stop talking to them.

Anyway if u are wondering if i do own anything at all to speak with such swagger, i have a house to my name, and ofcoz attached is also a damn housing loan... haha...

The meaning of LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, ACCOMODATING... all this changes with age. As u grow older u add in more variables. Let's take understanding for example, back in school, stresses only comes from school work and perhaps other petty quarrel, so understanding someone at this level is a no brainer. Then u start working perhaps it's about new job stress and the demanding boss which is when u need more listening and understanding. Then when u grow older, get higher post, earn more money, it's about the car, the house, the money, the new contract, the loan, the... and so on..., this is where understanding is a whole new playing field, it's level 20 "go-fight-the-boss" stage. Either u win or u lose and start from stage 1 again.

SO how can u possible compare. U dun think so because u dun have such problem to think about.

i hate being single not becoz i'm single, but becoz everybody keep asking why i'm not attached, keep saying it's not difficult to find a gf and stuff. Oh... and i love this part, they will carry on and say, "Anyway your criteria not bad what?" So? Got to be a problem with me lah?

Yah u prove your point, u are happily in "love" coz u are much better off than me, more lucky in every sense. Yah, Enjoy your happiness ya... coz u still have many more years to my age and many more challenges ahead.

I chose to remain single coz i do not just wanna choose anyone, it's not fair to anyone, i wanna choose someone that dispite all other choice i chose her. I do not need a reason to love her, but her as my reason to love.

And that is a sniper, shoot only with intent, not like that dumbass cupid anyhow shoot. My god, u have shot a god damn cow... For heaven sake, cupid please shoot yourself. SHOOT YOURSELF DEAD.

Anyway i will be flying back tonight. Can i post my Amritsar post when i get back tomolo morning? haha...

hee... and this is to someone flying off to CGK tonight. Please take good care of yourself ya. Remember to take your Meds. :)

2008-09-02T18:16:00.003+08:00

YaY... Sightsee is a GO!
managed to get the LS and the CSS on my flight to go with me. haha... Yah, i know, some of u will question my choice of companionship, haha... but seriously, even if no one goes i will still go alone, therefore, who's gong is of no important, most important i my complete my sightseeing by today. Who know when this damn station is going to close down. haha... One less india flight to do, but no love lost though... haha... I believe everyone can agree on that.

Anyway it's hard to get stewardess to go on sightseeing nowadays, unless u are talking about romantic europe, boyfriends' phone calls trumps all. ha...

But frankly india isn't too bad a place for sightseeing, it's exotic, great for photography. I'll post my pictures when i get back!

To someone, enjoy the offday ya. :)

Think everyone must be wondering what's with all these "someones", haha... No lah, it's just SOMEONE. haha...

And should is still a choice. haha... enjoy the offday lah.

2008-09-02T04:10:00.004+08:00

Welcome to ATQ once again...
It's day 2 actually, the internet is damn bloody unstable. wait, unstable is an understatement, it's freaking down, even when i'm using a LAN line. For those who dunnoe, ATQ is Amritsar, India. This is my second time here already.

This is so SIAN, i can't even post my post. Well, surprisingly the one in the business center is still working. Making that the only freaking computer in the hotel with internet access. i went there to connect so i could open this page and hopefully post my post tomolo. The technician better come in by morning.

Haha... Anyway wanted to tell someone something funny, haha... but too bad NO ONE can log onto msn here, ran the troubleshooter but everything turns out fine, so must be the IP problem. Na Bei... Waste my time. Since no msn, i shall post it here instead.

Hee... My team LSS spotted me in control and called out my name while i was at the check-in terminal. haha... Commented that i'm all grown up now, looked so handsome now! haha... WAH... Thanks leh. haha... Only she will think so. haha... Or maybe coz last time i used to comment she got a perky butt that can balance a pencil without it rolling off, so now she returned the compliment. haha... THANKS LEH... Then she added loudly, "SOMEONE ALSO SENIOR ALREADY HOR..." haha... *LOL*

But it's true lah, i looked like shit in the past with my goofy hairstyle and my super blur junior face. haha...

Then turned out my Team IFS was around too! haha... Thot i heard his voice somewhere in the control center. Haha... Surprisingly he still remembers me coz i only did 4 flights with him the rest of his team flight he COF away. haha... He said, "ya... i remember u lah... u were the 1 month and 5 days flying boy. it's now like what? 2 Years?" haha... Yup, my first team flight i introed myself in the briefing room that i'm 1 month and 5 days flying. They all laughed that i even count the days.

Anyway i told them that one of the teamgals had quitted due to a slipped disc and underwent operation. Which my IFS replied loudly "all thanks to carrying heavy baggage for passengers." haha... So true.

Seriously those days were fun, my first team flight i got zapped by 2 super senior Guest Stars, haha... but my teamgals protected me lah, or sort of... haha... They were complaining that your teamboy this and that... which my teamgals replied, "SO?" haha... Ignored them completely. haha... Bitching is fun, but if only u can find someone to bitch with. haha...

That's why i still do meet up with my teamgals for coffee or meals in singapore.

Oh... anyway after that my teamgals came down to bitch about the Guest Stars to me instead. hahaha... That's what i've learnt about Guest Staring on other team's flights, know who are the team members. NEVER bitch about their own team members. It's like bitching to someone about their family member. haha... U are asking to be murdered man. haha... Well unless they bitch about that person then do u join in. But still outsider must tread lightly, watch where u step coz u will not know who's tail u will be stepping on.

Anyway i got spotted by my LSS coz I was making alot of noise in the control center while checking in before the flight coz my freaking load was full, noticed i use the word "MY" yah... coz i know i won't be working anywhere but in EY, while JCL is a place call heaven on this flight. haha... U dun wanna know how light. haha...

Besides all these, some people claim we are not making money. If u were to ask me, i say we are maintaining a presence. In order to do business u have maintain connections. not all is about physical profit, there are things that are intanglable as well. Remember what's INTANGLABLE ASSETS? Breaking even is sufficient, profits do come from elsewhere if u know how to do business. Some people should just go back to school. haha...

WAH... yesterday was really a wasted day, spent on talking to the crew about car. Didn't really gain any useful insights from that conversation. But perhaps all is not lost from this trip. Gave me plenty of time to catch up on my rest, do somethings which i have put aside for months.

Hee... all prepared to maximise this trip. Below are the no go items. haha... Not to mention the gym gear. heee... we were talking about sports and they say the amount i run in a day is how much they run in a month. haha... *LOL* Seriously... If i were ever to be like that i would be damn fat.

Hee... saw the Reef Fishes Corals and Invertebrates book? haha... Yay... I'm going diving soon! haha... I saw a weekend off gap in my new roster. Need to breathe some nitrogen already. hahaha... Anyway, tentative date will be 26 - 28 Sep. Invites open to all. Wanna go please confirm hor. haha...

hmmm... i really should go sightseeing today, with or without the rest of the crew.

2008-08-31T00:04:00.010+08:00

OMG... Standby call up for ATQ!
can u all seriously believe this, wah... my friend better be grateful i gave away my Frankfurt / New york for offday on the 5th and kanna this Standby. haha... U BETTER OK! Gave away good flights to attend your wedding. haha...

Anyway went to Comex yesterday and bought myself a new camera and a new photo printer. hahaha... Canon IXUS 860 IS, and a Selphy ES29 photo printer. Eh... yah and this is like my 3rd camera and 3rd photo printer already within the last 2 years... *LOL* haha... But what can i say, i'm a sucker for all things photographic. haha... No one loves me more that Canon! haha... Coz i throw cash at them.

Oh... And before i can start spending money i must first throw money at the ERP. It's bloody $3 into town lor... seems like the signboard actually flickers, so when i snapped this pic so happened that part of the sign disappeared. haha...

Hee... A morning Special Delivery to someone... hope someone is smiling.

Anyway i saw something that made me really happy this morning. The sight of the sun rising. I really missed that sight, the smell of early morning dew, and the warm rays on your skin. i'm a morning person but more often than not, nowadays i wake up to the sun already at it's peak. Well... not really always lah, i still wake up earlier than most crew does.

The point is most living creatures wakes up at the break of dawn only cabin crew doesn't, haha... Welcome to the nocturnal life. Waking up early does have it's advantages, the world starts at the break of dawn, tune yourself to the time and pace that the world moves and u will gain more of what this world have for u. Sleep till midday and u might get left out.

I only believe in sleeping enough, Enough to function. Fatigue is a constant irritating companion, it nags at u all the time, but u can choose to listen to it or ignore it. Ignore it and gain more out of your day, listens to it and u get to enjoy a good rest.

Strike a balance, what can u do with a good rest when u have nothing more u can gain from that day coz most of the day have passed as u have slept it away.

I hate forcing myself to sleep when i'm not tired, what for burn a perfectly fine day by sleeping? Becoz of a night flight? Heck... i now hardly sleep for night flight. Know the value of a day and u will realised that somethings lost in a single day is a lifetime's worth.

Time is by far the most precious commodity. We use it to trade for many things in life, we spend hours working in return for money, spend hours practising to perfect a skill, hours trading everything thing u have for moments with someone. To give up time for something is to give up everything else for that thing.

For all the money in the world, u cannot buy back time. Time to do what u should have done.

Oh... and to someone... "SHOULD" is a choice lah. haha...

2008-08-29T12:39:00.003+08:00

Self reflections, resolute.
Maybe i'm never good enough,
never good enough for myself,
never good enough for the world.
But perhaps by not being good enough i see to better myself,
but better will never be the best,
and hence, life remains a continuous struggle.

So let me grit my teeth,
and soldier on, for i am a soldier,
the days of war may long be gone, yet the spirit still remains.
i will not waver,
my resolve shall not be broken,
i shall seek to fight till the day i expire,
For the goal is not to be the best,
For the best does not exist,
but only better do.

I shall seek to better myself till my very last day...

I was and still am a commando, i do not lead ordinary life, thus, i do not expect the simplicity of life.

Dammit... got a damn Saigon turn to do today.

2008-08-28T22:58:00.009+08:00

Perhaps all is not a distant dream.
maybe perhaps, "for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch..." (R&J I,v)
Or maybe a dream is nothing but a dream.

Is it wishful thinking i do think of such thots, or perhaps life has grant me another chance at happiness. I do wish it's so. But yet it may be nothing at all.

If only courage have the strength to ask.

Why do courage fall short when it's much needed,
words do exist but yet they could not convey,
they hang by my lips, unwilling to leap forth,
brave as they may seem yet behaving so cowardly,
Perhaps fear of losing it all makes a brave man a coward,
Yet to make no move is to ask for non in return.
Such is my Dilemma.

A little Bravery is much needed,
or perhaps Bravery needed to be prodded,
A gentle encouragement or a jestering jeer,
To bring courage to it's feet once again.

This is so perplexing...

Anyway today was a rather boring day, i was my sister's personnal chauffer, drove her to town and back. But we did went for lunch and caught a movie togehter at plaza Singapura since we both were already in town. It has been a while since we last went out, the addition of a car did bring much convienence.

Well it did brought about much swearing as well with the numerous ERP gentry and the horrendous traffic. Not to mention the young greenhorns driving their daddies' big car hogging the traffic just brought my blood to it's boiling point...

A word of advice, please buy a smaller car, dun leave a 1 meter plus gap behind the next car, when u caused the car behind u to be stucked in the cross junction. Dun change to a faster lane when u are not even intending on travelling alittle faster. Your girlfriend will not be impressed.

2008-08-24T17:34:00.005+08:00

Proving oneself.
Why always the need to prove oneself? Why we cannot just be accepted based on face value? Why to believe is so difficult? Or is it just me?

I've been proving my worth since the day i could walk and talk. I never had it easy. But come to think of it, why should i? Yes, IT'S GOD DAMN TIRING, plus no one really know all the crap i've to go thru, but i believe everyone else have to go thru the same shit.

Proving your worth is actually more critical to u, than it is to whom u are trying to prove. It shows u your true self, whether u measure up or found wanting. Goal may still be achieve with alittle help but in your heart u truely know if u really deserve it.

It feels good to be blessed with an easy life, but what's the point of it when u have to worry about someday being presented with a real challenge, whether u measure up or not. I rest easier at night if i'm constantly thrown into the forray, no doubt briused and battered, but alive and with lessons learnt, i'm better prepared to deal with the next battle.

Ultimately we are our greatest critic. We see our weakness which others may not and which is where lies the greatest danger, it may either help us, improve us, or destroy us, casting self doubts on whatever we plan do.

The start of failure is to fail to believe.

I never want to be pitied. I want to be respected, not envied. Envy comes from man's Jealousy. Respect comes from... eh... i dun really know where. haha... But repect is given only when u have done something exceeding the capability of others. They cannot replicate, they can only look on in awe and hope to follow in your footsteps hoping to lead them to where u are.

Many things in life need to be proven, perhap the cruelest thing life could ever do to u is not giving u a chance to do so.

hmmmmm... Think someone smiled today! haha... enjoy breakfast ya. :)

The army guys met up once again. This time was for Kurt's Baby's 1st month. Haha... Last year we were like attending his wedding and now another addition has came. Congrats ya Kurt.

Some pics for the evening. haha... Tonight was not a photo night. haha...

Left: TJW and JiaEn, Right: Silvia and Jason Ong.

Oh... and finally, Happy BELATED birthday JiaYing. Haha... At least i remembered. haha... it was Wii night till 2am (24th Aug) at the Gan Sisters house, too bad "BROTHER" Jack not around...

Oei... Brother, come back soon from the States lei... We challenge Wii. haha...

The order of my post a bit wrong today hor. haha... it's in reverse. haha...

2008-08-23T09:53:00.007+08:00

I wish for a 30 hours day.
Time never seems to be enough. Why do i have so much to achieve yet so little time? Or perhaps it's youthful ambition where it will wear off as years goes by. Dreams die as u age, with ambitions following closely behind. U have nothing to look forward to, no goals to reach for and nothing to work hard for anymore. That is when time become in excess, with so much to wallow in self pity, thinking of all your failures in life, your "should-haves" and "have-nots".

But perhaps it is this lack of time that brings out the very best or the very worst in us. There is always too much to do with too little time. SO CHOOSE. Choose which is more important. By our choice, we define who we are.

To choose to pursue your interest or to pursue the tangibles. To choose perfection in a single field or just the basics in multiple fields. To choose devotion in work and money or to find better meaning in life other than work. To choose to spend time with someone to make someone happy or to use that time to gain something else in return. These are choices we made and this puts value in our choices, sacrifices are made and this makes each choice worth something.

By your choice it speaks alot about your character.

It is true we always hunger for more, but to give up more for something seemingly less makes that "Less" worth more than anything else u can trade for. Well it's commonly know as sacrifice, but everybody's value sacifices differently.

To understand the value of sacrifice, we must understand the value of time, and each values his or her time differently. Scarcity of time dictates the value of time thus dictactes the value of sacrifice.

But understanding comes with maturity, u can't possibly tell a child that your sacrifice of time is a display of love more worthy than that toy he has been begging u to buy. Perhaps a simple monetary explanation would help, let say his toy cost $30, and i earn $5.50 an hour, translate that to half a day of 6 hours, that would be $33. It would have cost more than the toy. But is it ever that simple?

The answer is no, it's about sacrificing all your other wants, worth more that that "$33" all for something as intangible as spending time. I come to appreciate "spending time" as i grow up, because i now understand the value of time.

Oh... by the way i dun earn $5.50 an hour, that's when i was working part time during my student days. haha...

Anyway Happy birthday Dewei! See we spend time to celebrate your birthday! haha... At this point i know alot of people will be saying, "But u damn free mah!" haha... No, i'm not ok! haha... But i treasure friendship more than time and money.

Drinks, Finger foods, Cake and a birthday celebration at Red Dot, Dempsey.

After birthday celebration was Joyride session with My Sister and her boyfriend. 2 Cars, one rental, one ZENGed and one very long Road. Changi Coastal Road. 10KM. 140KMH.

A Plane coming into landing at T3. "Cabin Crew to your landing stations..."

So much for an evening out... a moment of excitment, brief and shortlived. My heart desires else...

"O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?" (R&J II,ii)

2008-08-20T14:42:00.008+08:00

Greased Lightning...
well, not exactly. hahaha... Rented a car yesterday and have just returned it, all no thanks to being called up for flight. If not i could have taken this baby for another joy ride. Took mom for Joy ride this morning to all the ulu parts of punggol, after which i drove down to Hougang to settle some housing loan issues before returning the car.

Damn got to go sleep already, flight's later.

I shall leave u here with some pics, haha... ignore that person with the car. haha... Yah Yah Yah.... i know i looked as if i've bought a new car, but this is the first car that i've ever rented in singapore. Heee... and yah yah... sounds very loserish i know, call it cheap thrill but it's still THRILL. haha... *LOL*

Oh and i sent someone home last night! hahaa... first time, and i know everyone must be laughing, NO I DIDN'T GET LOST. haha...

Alright, i'll update more story when i get back... Most probably about this flight today, i got called up to act up. Most senior non ranking crew, can u believe that? haha... Someone please remind me to be zappy, haha... i always forget to act senior one. hahaa...

2008-08-19T13:09:00.004+08:00

Music Soothes the Savage Beast...
Perhaps i should go back to playing the piano. Though i still remember the drag of sitting infront of the piano spending endless hours practising, staring at the scores, with fingers running up and down the keys, trying to press the right keys at the right time, but instead often ending up pressing the next key beside. So much for short and stubby fingers. The mind furiously trying to decipher the notes, always playing "catch-up" to the fingers. Yah... It should be the other way, i know. There are times i see the notes all merge into a white blank page while the fingers are standing there lost. haha...

Haha... But despite all these, i love the sound of the hammers striking on the strings. A simple tune played is never a simple tune, it's a dance across the keys, a tango, a different dance step on each hand, different yet complimenting, in unison, they dance to form music. Exciting to see yet, soothing to listen to. It never fail to dazzles me.

Thanks goodness my mom bought a really good piano for me and sister back then which acoustics still rocks till now, well not exactly rocks lah, but it still does produce great sound. Crystal clarity, firm, clean and solid.

Anyone buying a Piano? Choose Yamaha, can never go wrong. 22 year already and still sounding great and the keys have not turn yellowish yet, well except for the bottom part but nevertheless it has out survived alot of my friends' pianos. Heck... i think it will even live longer than me! hahaha...

There was this joke in the past i always used to say, i wished i've learnt the guitar instead, with increased mobility i can serenade to a gal anywhere anytime, with the piano i would have to bluff the gal to my house which might end up me getting slapped and called a pervert before i could even finish my sentence. haha...

Being a pianist is either u get to dazzle or u don't and most of the time u don't. It's not like the guitar that u get to bring everywhere for personal pleasure or as a girls magnet that draws them like bees to honey. I've heard of people bringing guitar on flight, playing music in the crew lounge, ofcoz i was impressed when i came to know of such things, until one day i had a chance to hear it for myself in New's York, in the hotel crew lounge. I was like, is that all? haha... My poly friends play better for kicks.

Heck i can do better with the piano lor. I can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in C and will still look and sound more impressive. hahaha...

The truth of the matter is that the Piano is a personal affair coz most of the time u only play for yourself, the sound will reverberates throughout, muffled yet distinct, but no one knows exactly who's playing or where it's coming from. But yet, the pianist never seek other's attention for he or she finds more joy lost in his own music. Pianists play to their own liking, nonchalant to the world around.

But despite all these, to a listening, it's breathtaking.

Piano. It's all or nothing at all.

Oh yah... anyway my sister Bf came over last night and was in the room when he came out and ask if i was the one playing the piano just now... haha... yah... i serenaded to a guy. haha... But that crisp clear ping is unmistakable. It will be a natural draw.

2008-08-18T01:50:00.009+08:00

Back home again.
Back last night actually, first order of the Day, or rather what's left of the day of precious 6 hours was to rush down to Jo's Birthday but not before hunting for her present first. I had 13 hours onboard to think of what to get for her.

Anyway while onboard i asked the other FSSes a very funny question which made everyone burst out laughing... "Hey is there anything i can buy from the Krisshop cart for birthday?"

Haha... They said, "Dun want lah, where got people buy presents from Krisshop cart one?"

Heee... True True, so Jo, U must thank them for the present. Well... sort of lah, coz in the end they didn't offer any useful advice and i still spend 13 hours thinking of what to get for u, but at least it's not from the krisshop cart. muahahahhaha...

A quick run to the nearest SK at the Airport, rushed home, a 5mins shower, a 5min birthday card, haha... the fastest birthday card i ever made! then i sped down to vivo in my uncle's car with my uncle in tow, hee... since he needed to go home i might as well make use of his car to get me somewhere quick. haha... Which actually wasn't exactly too smart a choice coz i've never driven to vivo from my new place before. haha... Driving at 100, looking for street signs... I think i can be a fighter pilot already!

Finally made it there a little past 8. Yay! Hope u like the present Jo! Happy Birthday Joanna.

Fun Places and Happy Food.

Joanna and her sworn sister, thanks Jo's sworn for the following great pics!

Such was a great night and a happy occassion.

Anyway Paris was great, countless time there already, but this should be the best so far. Never a time i had so many crew going sightseeing together, plus it's the longest stay there ever, 2 CLEAR DAY LEH. Plus we even managed to come in early and secured an extra dinner allowance! Woohoo...

I should say this trip i did the most sightseeing in Paris ever, usually i would just go one place of interest per trip, this trip i did 2! We went Reims to visit all the champagne production houses and Versalles to visit the royal residance of Louis XIV.

Day One Trip was to Reims, Champagne. Anyway the Champagne Region is where champagne is produced, hence bearing its name. All the Champagne production house are located there.

The Start of the Trip.

The Journey to Reims' Cathedral to find the tourist information center and pose for some quick shots. Day's running short thus we all looked like some mad bunnies hopping around taking pictures.

The Champagne house of Tattinger.

Follow by visit to the Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin Champagne House.

Finally Dinner at Reims. Mussels again! haha...

The Trip back by the TGV train.

Oh man... so tired...

Paris Trip Day 2, Visit to Versalles.

Hee... See Jo, told u i went sightseeing in Paris with Fanni. haha... Oh yah... The "Friendster connection" was damn funny. haha...

I'm missing from all the pics all the time coz u always need a photographer, and i'm always your's truely. haha...

I realised the most amazing part about all my paris trips was that i know how to get around paris Metros and trains better than in my own country's MRT. haha... Karen will know, haha... Asked me to stop at Yio Chu Kang i ended up at Katib.

Oh... and i did a very cock thing today, tried to drop a big package in someone's mailbox but ended up it won't fit thru the mailbox slit. haha... Waited for her to touchdown to hand it to her. haha... In return i got FREE TRANSPORT and company for dinner! haha...

Haha... And someone left her Artwork on my organiser. haha... Thanks ah, now must keep my organiser properly already, drawn and signed by Jo, it will be worth a fortune in the future. haha... But it's a nice addition before someone says my organiser is GAY.

2008-08-13T13:25:00.003+08:00

Paris!
touch down in paris. Damn, i can feel the fatigue. Almost forgot how a 13 hours plus flight feels like. Heee... Anyway i've got a new toy with me on this trip! It's called the Lensbabies. An amusing contraption that take pretty pictures. haha.. it's actually a DSLR lens with a 2.0 aperture that takes fun shot. It's a damn manual contraption, which requires alot of dexterity to use, but allows all sort of focus and effect up to your limitless imagination.

Some shots i took the day before this trip. Was too eager to try it out once i got my hands on it.

2008-08-10T09:37:00.007+08:00

Happy Belated Birthday Singapore
heee... actually was supposed to post this post yesterday but was too freaking tired after my BLR turnarond. Just managed to get back home to catch national day parade on TV. Imagine going to bed after midnight and waking up at 3am to prepare for flight, only to come home at 6pm. DAMN!

Anyway watching NDP did brought back some fond memories.

NDP2005, Commando, Best Combat Unit, Army Guards of Honour...

Dun u just miss those days, where it feel so good to be looked up to. It's not envy, it's respect.

But what's past is past, those days are gone, 3 NDPs have passed, and now i'm just a shadow of my former self. Time to move on, time to reassess and prioritise my life.

1) STUDY! It's back to school again. Time for me to get qualified for a real job. I hate being associated with easy job easy money, time for me to earn some respect. It's true that what's life when u have to suffer and slog each day to earn your keeps, but what's life without respect as well. Nothing is for free, u have to earn it.

2) STOP signing my credit card. Save money so i can pay for my STUDIES coming up.

3) Start taking up competitive sports once again. Life is getting boring without competition. I'm getting fat, plus it brings back the long forgotten testosterone driven male macho-ness, plus respect, plus the attention, plus the chicks, plus... haha... ok forget the chicks, the rest would be good enough.

For your infomation, testosterone does have a chemical formula, C₁₉H₂₈O₂, it's not just a crazed sex homone, it's the basic building block of MEN. It's a crystalline STEROID, steroid enhances performance, hence guys are capable of self enhancement, enhanced for pure performance. Not to perform is not being a man.

Heee... but i do like the part about the crazed male sex homone. haha... but that's another story.

4) Don't even start thinking about dating, i have no fast car; not even a decent one, no respectable job, no piles of cash, and not even korean stars good looks and chiselled body. Let's face it, it's called reality. Virtue no longer holds its weight against the glitz and glamour of this world. This is the sad fact of reality. No point feeling sore about it, rather use it to your advantage.

why should i wait to be chosen all the time, i would like to choose as well.

2008-08-04T13:18:00.006+08:00

Home and very bored.
Giving me too much time to think about too much things. The brain is a supercomputer that performs billions of processes at once, whether u want it to or not. Well of coz there are times it completely shuts down even if u don't want it to. haha... Not a very reliable piece of hardware nevertheless u still need it.

By the way, the song that is playing now is a very nice song, it called 转机 by 潘玮柏. Those tech crew boys will love this songs. haha... why? go watch the MTV and i promise u all u will flip laughing.

Tell me something? where in the world will a FO will wear diamond ear stud to work, act so "SUD", my god, if this were a pilot's image there would no longer be any other jobs in the world. Everone would wanna be a pilot and get laid. Or Perhaps he is a senior FO so it's different! haha... LOL.

Anyhow it's still a nice song worth listening to. Just dun watch the MTV coz u will fall off your seat laughing.

hmmm... there were plans for me to get a car this month just that i couldn't decide between the Super fuel economy Honda Jazz or the Super Zai Lancer EX. But one thing is for sure, there nothing quite like the freedom of driving your own car.

Close your eyes and picture this.

Running your fingers along the cold metal body,
u couldn't help but marvel at beauty's true form,
Yet beneath that beauty lies a raging beast,
It sleeps, deteched from this world.

As u slide into the driver seat, u close the door, the world fell silent.
The world passes u by, while time stand still within the bossom of the beast,
U turn the ignition and awake hell's fury,
it roars, the beast now awakes.

In your hand u now hold the reins,
the rein to the beast,
At the stirrups u command a torrent of pure raging power,
yet all with a gentle nudge of the foot,
So much strength so much power.

Such raw freedom of power,
so threatening yet tamed to the one that wills it.
it makes man feel bigger than himself.

A car is never a car,
it's always something more.

Now open your eyes... DO u wanna get a car? haha...
Think i hear a resounding yes.

Oh... i've just changed my bedsheets and mao mi immediately attacked the new sheets, proclaming her rights on the sheets. She loves fresh linens...

And if anyone's going Zurich, buy this "toothpaste-like" tuna spread! Damn nice man, they have other types of spread as well!

2008-08-03T10:55:00.007+08:00

Perhaps...
i'm not good enough,
perhaps there is still much to learn, unlearn or relearn...
Perhaps thru learning i will find better meaning to life.

i wonder will we ever be good enough? In the eyes of others and in our own eyes. I always find myself wanting. Perhaps much expectation often befalls upon me and have much to live up to.

Yet somehow despite all the suffering, i never once thought of giving up, i will not waver, the goal is perfection. Perfection leads to no easy life. An easy life without respect is no life at all, respect comes at a hefty price. It demands your soul, your time and everything of u. But ultimately respect has always been a primal desire, the rest is merely superficial. Thus in a perversion of logic and senses, i seek such suffering.

Oh anyway some overdued photos.
Me and Damien at the Gym.

Yah i know we look damn gay with our SC marathon Finisher T. but i assure u we are not. haha...

Hmmm... maybe i should run this year's marathon, it's all in the mind once again, but wonder who's gonna be my admin party. Any volunteers? No? Dammit... haha...

Alright time to check out of the hotel, time to go home, haha... but not before meeting the "gossip girls" outside the corridor who's plan was for all to check out together at the same time. haha... A very much entertaining bunch. I shall prepare for a hilarious trip back. haha... Oh Dammit... I will be working B2. i need much rescuing from one constant source of irritation. 72A aircraft, need i say more? haha...

2008-08-02T23:18:00.009+08:00

My Nanking Trip Sucks!
i seriously can't believe this, we touched down into a tropical storm. Torrential rain for the freaking past 5 days. We didn't know that till the handing over set told us about it. Well, so much for not checking the weather before the trip. OMG... Sightseeing plans shelved, DSLR goes back into the camera bag once again. Dunnoe when shall my next Nanking be rostered. What a wasted trip.

Just my luck, actually this freaky weather was a result of the monsoon in the tropics. In hindsight, i've forgotten August was monsoon season, should have remembered something was still looming around in the region. Anyhow, weather cleared in the late morning today, but the sky was still gloomy, not exactly fabulous for photo taking.

Well, looks like fortune has smiled upon the next incoming set, clear skies were predicted for their stay. But even so, the sun dun seem to be able to shine through the thick loom of haze. Nevertheless, still lucky them. At least they dun have to walk the streets in water logged shoes and soggy feets. haha...

Anyway not all's lost, i still get to do my 2 days of continuous massage. At RMB99 for 2 hours it's a steal. DVD hunting wise wasn't very fruitful though, the coming beijing 2008 olympics has the chinese authourity enforcing their otherwise lax ban on pirated DVDs, forcing operation underground. They no longer sell them in shops brazenly but rather in plastic cart boxes in dark alleys.

Haha... We actually walk a 3 block radus around the hotel looking of DVDs and found non, only till nightfall did they come out. Shocking isn't it, no DVDs in DVD land. Often u dun have to walk far.

Anyway flight's back tomolo morning, seriously i can't wait. Looking forward to something better back home.

Some pictures from the streets of Nanking, didn't travel out much though...

Funny Tree with advertisment stamp on it.

Dedicated Bicycle Lane.

Bicycles waiting at the traffic light.

LV in the middle of all things depreciated.

In the middle of town.

2008-07-31T19:25:00.002+08:00

Gone are the days...
where learned man were valued, where the pursuit of knowledge worth the same weight in gold, where such qualities were consider attractive. Respected and revered. Gone were those days.

The blind pursuit of material gain now drives this world, the quest for knowledge has lost it meaning, merely as a display of false brilliance and presumed abilities through paper qualifications. Whatever u have or have not make no difference, what's learnt will be quickly unlearnt, for knowledge no longer holds importance.

The worldly assets is now one's king, where one slave day and night to satify it's insaturable appetite, the brain was left degrading, degenerating till the point where nonsense sprout from one's mouth yet one no longer know the differences between pure idiocy and intelligence.

I've seen too much...

Nothing attracts people like all things shinny, the rest are trivial.

2008-07-23T20:30:00.002+08:00

Back from ZRH...
seriously burnt out, don't exactly know what's wrong, but i've never been so tired for so long, i slept the whole day after touched down from Zurich yesterday. Best part, i even overslept during crew rest on the flight back.

i'm drained, yet no break seems long enough. Perhaps i need to be renergised. Perhaps i need to look elsewhere.

i'm unhappy, i'm growing fat, i'm no longer who i used to be neither can i go back to being what i was. Only alternative is to find a new me before i destroy myself inside out. Somethings are beyond my control, as much i wanna tell myself i should be happy, it's only a lie.

U can lie to yourself and deprive yourself of true happiness or u can go out to hunt for it.

There will always be people who would tell u are blessed and u shouldn't ask for more. Why is that so? How they know what's enough. Then why other can have more than me and that's reasonable and why i can't? Since others can have it why can't i?

It's always the case, people will always tell u it's impossible for everything they can't achieve. It's the only way to justify their failure.

Anyway this Zurich flight brought about a chain of "suay-ness".

After landing in ZRH, i was the only one seperated from the rest of the crew coz the airport trains that shutter between terminal close on me before i could enter and when i reach the belt i found my Cargo bag missing a wheel. Wah liao...

Next day i went sightseeing only to have the can of potato chip open up in my bag spilling all the chips in my bag.

Finally not to mention waking up late during crew rest.

DAMN...

And i'm still fat. DAMN...

2008-07-18T13:45:00.006+08:00

Zurich tonight...
5 days have past since i out-pro for my 2nd year ICT. Surprisingly feeling damn tired, wondering whether was it due to the fact i have to face work or i've simply shag myself out during ICT. Anyway i'm out of cash and need to go back to work.

Bonus is in, somehow a big figure doesn't seem like a big figure anymore, not really fantastic, or i just simply hunger for more now.

Anyway some pictures to keep everyone occupied.

Our self-declared unofficial BBQ night in camp. haha...

Cheers... for CSM foo ji kun... Next year i shall bring masking tape and stick over your name. haha...

Above: Haha... we even drew stores for BBQ. haha...

Above: Foo and the improvised BBQ pit.

Below: My Special- Samba BBQ stingray.

Seriously this K800i is a damn zai phone. haha... Look at the pictures.

Then there was the incident of Mak Zhen Heng Kanna turned out. haha... Coz someone forgot to return M203 dummy round. haha... Wah kao... Reservist already still kanna turned out, haha... i can hear the siren.

Haha... somethings just dun change after so long.

Then there are days of outfield, me and zarir at an apex. OMG, can't believe it man, petrol base, can't remember when was the freaking last time we need to harbour. Dun we just insert, fight and Fuck off? haha... Time have changed... Now we play baby sitter. haha...

Me and the Ya KunZZZz Kaya Toast...

The much awaited shower.

The washing machine that washes the entire company's clothes. haha... chui...

The setting sun. Time for night's off.

Recently i've been thinking about taking up studies again, went to all the different schools to check out their BSc Programs only to realised that i've to quit my current job and take a ground job with fixed timings inorder to take those course. OMG... it's so tiring.

Part time is not as easy as everyone thinks.

But then again, in life u have to make sacrifices for a bigger gain. To give up a comfortable job to secure a better future.

2008-06-29T11:59:00.006+08:00

IPPT...
haha... yesterday was IPPT day, although there was no Gold but i will settle for silver. haha... since given the fact that i've not been very "commando" for the past year, with almost no training at all, a silver is by far not bad. haha... it's like getting a 2nd Upper honours without studying. hahaha... U get the picture.

Anyway my silver isn't too shabby at all, a Gold is 25/25 points, i score a 24/25 points. Almost a gold. haha... Oh and there is money to take, SGD200 for Silver.

The other day i was watching Nat Geo on TV and they were showing fight masters- Special forces special. They were saying that special forces were a combination of Tough training, superior genentics and ... eh, can't remember the rest.

Haha... Yup, superior genetics i agree. Ahahahahahahahahahaha...

This fight club pits all the alpha males in one ring.

My Brand New 2 month old Asus Laptop is back from repair, haha... it's as good as going for a complete overhaul. The motherboard has to be changed so does the hard disk drive. Dun ask me what the hell happened. haha... It was faulty from the start. Anyway i overheard someone say my laptop very chio.

hahaha... Couldn't agree more coz it's so very me. haha... Well except the part that the motherboard and Hard disk drive have to be changed. hahaha...

Oh anyway the original RAM of 1.5Gb is damn chui lor... i've upgaded it to 2.5Gb. Max out already. This baby still packs quite a punch.

2008-06-27T23:43:00.012+08:00

Back from Being a Soldier once again...
As i was coming home from camp in the evening, i saw one of the most beautiful sunsets ever since moving to Punggol.

Well it doesn't look like much from here but what i saw was a huge orange sun just above the horizon and the sky was all red orangy in colour. Eh... dun think u get what i meant right? hahaha... Too bad i didn't have my DSLR with me.

Oh, anyway i just discovered that once the sun is at that position over the horizon, it took less than 3 min for it to disappear. That is your last light of the day. haha... Time for the creatures of the night to come out to roam.

"Day and Night while u're sleeping airborne rangers coming creeping all around..." hahaa... U all know what i mean.

OK, let me just update everyone on all the events for the past 1 week. It has been a busy week. Since last tuesday i was back in camp for reservist, regrettable it wasn't back at Hendon anymore.

First of all congratulation to Fong who got married last sunday. Your last minute sudden wedding invitation was a surprise, especially when i recieved your call just before the call time in Manchester. haha... But like what we said back in those days, whoever's wedding we die die will sure make it, especially "S.H.E's" weddings and that includes taking MC. hahaha... Once again wishing u and shi shi many blessed years together ahead.

And that Ah Neo forever wanna disturb people and make people drunk, can't blame people wanna attack and distroy u. hahaha...

Ah Neo being presented with a chicken head to ask him watch out. hahaa... Your warning has been served.

Anyway last Wednesday me and the guys went mambo to celebrate Neo's birthday, needless to say, Neo was destroyed beyond all recognition by our endless streams of drinks we made him guzzled down. haha... before that in the afternoon chin chun already sent an sms to everyone to destroy Ah neo.

haha... We went in at 10:30pm and by 12 midnight he could hardly stand. We ordered so much drinks that the waiter dun even have space to put the drinks on the table.

The most ZAI thing was that Mambo ends at 4am, Me and XiaHua reached back camp at 5am and we woke up for PT at 7am. Really damn commando man. Oh yes... i'm freaking hydrated, with 7 litres of ALCOHOL. hahaha...

Wanna hear more about that night, go check out TJW's Blog for the full story coverage on that night. haha...

Anyway nothing much to update back in camp. Advance party was a bore. Just lessons and briefings, haha... i slept thru most of the time. Cookhouse food suck so does the canteen. This new camp is like a freaking ghost town. So big with so little to fill. Oh... we gave the cookhouse survey a "LOUSY". hahaha... The cookhouse auntie and uncle will be pissed. haha...

Oh oh oh... and i nearly forgot i went movie with my LONG TIME BROTHER Jack last Saturday. It has been a long time since we last caught up with each other.

Then the very next morning 6:30am i was supposed to report for Taipei SQ876, i've been posting the COF for a week becoz of Fong's wedding, but everyone has been replying me with all sort of junk.

I stated that i needed the WHOLE Sunday off and willing to take any turnaround flights on monday that goes and return on the same day. They reply me with flights like " bro i've Colombo turn that leaves sunday night, come back early morning next day." Wah lan... which part of WHOLE u dun understand man. Anyway even if i wanna change i'm not so hard up as to trade a TPE nightstop for a CMB turnaround. U think i crazy ah? But seriously people nowadays have problems understanding simple english.

Eventually someone did reply me but that anal FS backed out last min so ended up i've to go take MC- but that's like 10pm after watching movie with Jack. Haha... But seriously it's damn anal. How the hell u tell someone u so wanna change flight but end up just simply say u change your mind at the last moment. Anyway that guy is also giving some cock flight for my TPE.

Sometimes i wonder if this job really cultivate laziness, after all we already earn enough to live like some damn rich kid, therefore there's seriously no need to work so hard to give away a low allowance but easy flight for a higher allowance but difficult flight. Afterall we still hit 4k with shitty flights.

i seriously dun believe there is no one with Penang or KL turn on Sunday or Monday lor. But like i said, no one will wanna work so hard for more money. Or maybe this job is freaking shag and they really need the offdays, whatever they can get. But then again why are there still people making such comment such as "this is a good job that pays u so much money yet give u so many offdays, where else in the world u will find this type of job"

So why act as if it's like so shag since u claimed it's so damn good?

Seriously humans are fucking contradicting or maybe they just wanna bitch and moan for the sake of just bitching and moaning, or simply, just plan fucking lazy. Let me get my degree and i'm out of here to find some serious job that really makes a difference, that people hire me for my expertise and not to make up the numbers.

Anyway i've gotten that MC if u all wanted to know. haha... 2 days- for Sunday and Monday. But that was because it turned out that i was really sick which was why the doctor gave a 2 days MC. I'm motor driven, i could actually work nonstop till i completely splutter and breakdown. But that's only if i want to, whereby the return is greater than the cost. haha...

So far it's NOT. I'm more productive than u think.

2008-06-21T13:32:00.011+08:00

Why the Need to Love, Be Loved and Fall in Love.

Why can't we just stay single? Why nonsense such as "my heart doesn't belong to me it belongs to u"? what is this nonsense. Why so eager to fall in love. I believe we all have such desire but why give in? I see someone kept falling in and out of love for the past year and yet she still can come out with the phase on her MSN "my heart doesn't belong to me it belongs to u". OMG seriously... i'm speachless.

Seriously i giving everything a rest lah, think i'm gonna take up studies again. Buy a "horse" and upgrade my room to most "Zai" status. hahaha... anyway for those haven't see my room yet here's a peek.

My Room Toilet

Oh... the towels are those i bought from Primark. Not bad one, cheap and good, 5 pounds for the body towel. IKEA is selling theirs at SGD19, pound is now selling at 2.7 so it's much cheaper than IKEA lor.

My display case

All my little things i bought from overseas. Note the new addition, the Man U pig. hahaha... Yes damien... hahaha... did i say something wrong? hahaha...

My iPod is hook up to my Entertainment system thru the now docking station. "Zai" right... hahaha...

Then the new addition to the room entertainment- new acer computer, hook up to my LCD tv.

TV mode... hahaha... discovery channel. Yes, i have SCV in my room too. Nothing new. Thinking of getting the new set top box with the recording features.

Tadaaa... and compete with wireless keyboad and mouse to complete my surfing experence from the bed. hahaha...

My Cosy bed.

The view from my room at night.

Haha... Nice? my next addition will either be a Wii or an Xbox360. which should i get? ahahaha...

2008-06-13T18:58:00.002+08:00

Heading off to Manchester tonight...
and i shall pee at old trafford to make damien mad. hahaha...

Anyway, i've been giving dating some thought and found that i'm seriously not ready for dating. Not just on the emotional part but also on the expectations of gals. I mean which gal would like to take a bus to a date now? Unless u are still in school, i doubt that would likely happen.

i've conducted my own little experiment and found that 80% of the gals would rather stay home if u ask them out at night. But if u have a car u increased your chances and decreased the odd to just 20%, reason being either they are genuinely tired or they really have more important things to do. The rest of the time are just excuses waiting for the knight in their shinny horses to come along. Hee... it's no longer Knight in shinny armor, your armor can be a piece of crap but just bring along the horse and u will get the gal.

Yah... my dream horse is called EVO X. With that i still have enough room to pick up 3 more gal excluding the one in the front seat. haha... It's time for me to move on, i'm no longer in school, gone are the days of taking bus and walking the gal home now. It's more like dropping the gal at her door step with the car stereo blasting Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music", announcing to all her friends that she has arrived in style. Oh, dun u just love that. We are all materialistic, cause it's human.

The simple fact is all gals love to be picked up and driven off. Which is why guys are suckers. Guys slaughter and cut down each other to be alpha males yet alpha males still fall pray to the female species in the end.

If not for gals, 3/4 of driving time was mainly for the purpose of transfer from home to work and the occasional run to the grocery store for beers and chips to feed our other "love" coz the other destination where love will be, will be home with the SCV set top box tuned to the Soccer channel or the PS3. hahaha...

Oh and i just love the new starhub advertisment... the "My sexy box... my sexy box..." advertisment. haha... oh yeah baby... hahaha...

Female ultimately topped the food chain. Haha... Dun expect mercy.

2008-06-11T23:24:00.003+08:00

"Happiest Day of My Life..."
Dun bluff lah, seriously how can someone be SOOOO... happy with a person she / he just met like for 3 months. Seriously sometime i think cabin crew are so pathetic. We have plenty of free time but yet hardly enough to maintain a proper relationship. Why? Unlike most people who have a fix routine, our's is dynamic, ever so changing, last week is never like this week, in fact it's so freaking dynamic for our own good.

When people are at their busiest we are so damn free, but then again, when people are free, we are not. There is not a fix set of pattern which one can follow, routines have to be disrupted just to meet up. These little things wear u down...

Therefore the disillusion, whatever came close u accept, coz u want that person and u know u can hardly find another replica. So u come up with the assumption that u are happy and he's the one.

Seriously... OMG...

Think i need a drink in this screw up world.

2008-06-10T21:08:00.002+08:00

On leave and SICK...
Guess my body finally had enough after enduring all those punishing late nights and topsy turvy sleeping patterns. Accomplishing something at the expense of health is bad, accomplishing nothing is worse. I better set my life back in order.

2 years back, i was so focus on what i want in life; a degree, an envious career, but all these seem no where near, in fact, i seem to have lost my drive and my direction.

i seemed to have grown lazy, finding comfort in familarity and the fear of the unknown. Somehow i feel i may be stuck in cabin crew longer than expected. Direction in life seem to be changing. Perhaps it's the false sense of success money brings. Money doesn't equates success. If it doesn't grow it's useless.

Hmmm... recently i've been comtemplating on getting a car. Yes, it's a luxury and a liability, sometimes u need high spending to spun u on to earn more. Rich people dun become rich by saving money. And they sure dun drive around in a bang up old Honda.

The rule is simple, always get what u can afford, do not save on what u can spend. Grow money not save money. Invest, use money to trade back things that will enhance your life and standard of living or that pile u earned will not be worth anything.

I'm so tired, hee... and i seem to be missing someone.

Does happy ending really exist?

2008-06-09T11:06:00.006+08:00

So Much To Do, So Little Time.
I'm on leave once again, yet 3 days had already passed in the blink of an eye.

I was actually intending on starting my travel scrape book but with 2 days left from my leave i might have to shelf the plan. Anyway before the leave i just came back from a 4 days Narita. The long stay allowed me to travel out of Narita to visit Hakone. The picture are out on my facebook so go have a look. Well below are some photo for u guys to preview.

Anyway it has been such a long time since i last posted any picture right? hahaha... just damn freaking lazy to wait for the pictures to load. Visit my facebook pics ya. :)

Oh... and i went clubbing last saturday night once again. Hee... Perhaps the start of something new.

Sweet! :p

2008-06-01T12:47:00.003+08:00

Why the one u want most never belongs to u.
Simply put it this way, life is a cruel game fate plays.

Why do we always look on in envy when we see others basking in their happiness? If u noticed, i mentioned "THEIR" happiness, not the happiness of one person.

There are somethings we search in life but will always elude us. Perhaps it's not love we are after, perhaps it's the pursuit of happiness, afterall, there are times when love is always there yet there is always still something missing.

Why is it that even when we gained everything we are still not happy? Contented? Yes maybe, but perhap contentment is a subsitute for happiness. Contentment is when u are not happy and try to seek solace in what u have.

Perhaps life's diabolical plan was not for us not to find love but just merely to deprive us of happiness. Afterall love can be all around and yet we may never be happy.

Be contented? Never.

Why shortchange yourself and be satisfied with what u cannot have?

Give yourself what u deserve, no one owes u that, u owe that to yourself.

Anyway this month me and wendy did 2 more flights together, Capetown and Narita/LAX. Photos are out in facebook so go check them out.

2008-05-28T19:00:00.003+08:00

True love...
is there such a thing or do we just settle for the next best thing and claim that it's true love. Do we just somehow know that there is someone else out there for us just that we won't get to see it this life or maybe out of obligations we ended up with someone else. Such is the shitty facts of life. I can only pray that i do not add up the the statistics of sad cases.

As hopeless and unmacho as it may sound, i do hope to fall in love and someone to fall in love with me. That i can tell her "i love u" without me doubting myself. How i wish love was the sweet innocence of long ago, just like the days back in school.

Nowadays sex is no longer an association with love, it just pure human desire. It's no longer taking a step further but rather to feed a desire. It's no longer a sexist issue, the female population is as guilty as the male.

Now i feel love is no longer a blessing but more of a curse. U cast self doubts, bring pain to yourself and others. How do u tell someone u dun love the person when the person is madly in love with u? How do u tell the person it's not fair and that u suffer just as much as he or she, that u feel just as robbed of love. Life in fact is a reciprocal of feelings and not one way.

Seriously alot of things in the world is just wrong trying to seem right. Only thing we can do is to ride out the storm and hopefully reach our graves in one piece.

Life seriously sucks dun u think.

Anyway i'm in Dubai now, just to let everybody know the internet is damn cheap for us crew. Well free is better but not many places offer free and even if they do the connection sucks. Just like where i was last week in Capetown.

Going back tonight, hopefully everything turns out wll by the time i arrive back in singapore.

2008-05-10T10:47:00.003+08:00

To be a bastard or not to be...
this is a question i have been asking and an answer that has always been elusive.

Life is never fair, so why should i be? Becoz it's the right thing to do? So what if i did the right thing and could never be happy? So is it my fault that i've chosen this path? If so, what if i choose the path to my happiness but ultimately make me a bastard. So is it right?

Frankly, everybody loves to make righteous comments coz it's not them living out the situation. They will never understand and they will never want to. People loves to be on the people's side, and therefore on the side of general consensus, even if it's unrealistic.

Give u an example, is selling your kids wrong? U may say it is. But let's see it from another perspective, what if u are so poor that u and your kids have been starving for the past 3 weeks? U may say no, but let me ask u, have u been in such a situation? Then how do u know if u will or wil- not?

I've seen so call righteous man steal a drink to quench his thirst, even when he knew the man next to him needed it as much as him... Human instinct takes over. I remembered i need it too, just that i saw my friend instead of my thirst. But that is becoz i have a higher self control so i can see beyond my thirst. If ever circumstances present itself that we might have to kill each other to survive, we will never know. i will tell u if it's right or wrong when i been there.

i've been to the extreme that most singaporeans never see in their life time, so dun tell me about righteousness coz u have never been to such extreme circumstances. Coz if u have been u would have kept your mouth shut coz u will know it was not easy. U will not want to be there and proclaim what is the right thing to do. Unless u been there if not u have no rights to proclaim.

Is it wrong to kill? is it wrong to rob? Yes?

Therefore is it wrong to defend? what if u need to kill inorder to defend? Is it wrong to plunder from your enemy when u have nothing to survive on? Is it wrong to kill a child, but what if this child is pointing a weapon at your own child, will u let that child kill your's inorder to maintain your sense of righteousness?

U may say these are extreme circumstances, under ordinary circumstances will never happen. So then what is ordinary circumstances? Can i say that i can run 10km without stopping and without water u should be able to too? coz to me that is ordinary, i'm trained to do that. Yes i know that isn't a fair comparison, but life never is fair so is it fair for me to put u thru the same thing that i do for kicks and say that u should be able to do the same?

No right?

Then i suggest not imposing standard on others, and worse, if u have not even proven u are capable of that.

2008-03-18T21:34:00.002+08:00

J5, just for one day...
haha... Yes, yesterday i was a stewardess for a day. Standby got activated.

Truely i was amazed that i actually blurted out "J5" when the IFS asked which position i wanna work. haha... The rest of the stewardess looked at me in amazement. haha... But anyway i have not much of a choice left since all three 2's position has been taken by the other 3 FS. haha... No more J2, no more B2, no more C2, either way i still have to work as a stewardess, so i might as well pick business class since i've not work Business Class as a stewardess before. haha...

Partly think i'm not in the right frame of mind yesterday... haha... must be the nauseating bus ride to the airport. The bloody bus was like a freaking sauna thanks to the broken airconditioning. The long and winding journey made it worst.

Anyway J5 was fun lah, all thanks to my J3 and J4 who guided me on how to be a stewardess. haha...

hmmm... just a random thought, will i ever find satisfaction in someone...

2008-03-16T08:17:00.006+08:00

Waiting by the phone- No More...
I now no longer guard the moble phone day and night- not wanting to miss an important call. No sir, in fact, i now seldom bring my moble out with me, i just leave it in the hotel room when i'm outstation. I will only reply when i have the time and energy to spare and because i have better things to do.

Yes sir, I dun believe in my old crappy thoughts anymore- that the phone is the "closest distance between 2 person".

It's just another technogical tool for application which u can choose to ultilise or not and not a necessity. I will call only when i feel like it, when i'm bored and have nothing better else to do.

Seriously being single may be the best thing that happen to me. Despite all the heartache, it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Firstly, I need not worry about someone else's problem whom they themselves are not really intersted in avoiding. Secondly, i get to invest all my time, attention and money on myself. Thirdly, i dun have to make a mad rash from places to places just to meet someone who dun really see and appreciate the effort.

In fact now i take buses instead of taking cabs, taking my time looking at the world pass me by, enjoying the view, not rushing for once. What the heck, i take buses for turnaround as well, to and from work, saving me quite alot of money. Anyway, given the fact that this company isn't paying enough by market standard, i would rather take buses and put my money elsewhere. Forget about glam, only fools would be disillusioned.

Lessons in life are pricey, but to learn from it reaps u greater rewards in return. People always love to say, "learn form other's mistake." But if we can learn by seeing then we are fucking geniuses already. There is no need to try already isn't it, u would do it right the first time.

Anyway last friday i went ice skating, it has been a long time since i touched the ice. haha... And finally with a gal who can skate.

Heee...

Anyway no more sad songs from now on. haha... Sad songs are only for losers! Think of it this way, if u are always winning, do u have to find comfort in those sad songs? haha... Fight fair to live like a gentleman, Snatch, steal, slaughter and plunder to survive- Your choice! haha... Ultimately, if u are the only one left standing. u can say whatever u want. Dead man dun talk! haha...

2008-03-09T18:06:00.004+08:00

March, Saying goodbye to winter.
Gone are those cold lonely nights. Maybe it's the season, the passing of winter, or maybe being left out in the cold for too long i've learnt to warm myself, that even when it's so darn cold i do not feel it.

Either way i did feel slightly invigorated this month, my heart felt warm, but it's not the warmth from love, nevertheless it's still warmth and i kind of like this feeling. Let's see where this feeling will lead me this year.

It may be yet another cold, unkind, unloving year, but i will survive, like always...

Some update for everyone, i've now shifted to Punggol East, although sounds kind of "ULU", i somehow like the peace and calm being so far away from the city offer. Go to my facebook and take a look at the pictures.

I've also gotten my advance diver certification so i can now offically dive deeper without getting "kao pei" by people.

Anyway since now my internet is back online, i'm back to blogging again. Stay tuned everyone.

Something for everyone to ponder over,
~"Will u give up loyalty, honour and every principle u ever believe in for love?"

coz i'm contemplating if the 2 phases below should be applied...

~"DAY & NIGHT WHILE U'RE SLEEPING AIRBORNE RANGERS COMING CREEPING ALL AROUND..."

~"WE GIVE THEM NOTHING... BUT TAKE FROM THEM EVERYTHING..."

heee... yah one from the commando song, the other quoted from Leonidas, king of sparta... haha... Just a little thought. It's a cruel world out there.

These are dark times my friend, at some point in time, everyone will Slaughter, Steal and Plunder for their own survival. haha...

2008-01-26T01:29:00.000+08:00

2007 and many lessons learnt...
Most important lesson- There is no honour in this world.

2nd lesson- Money brings power and power is everything.

3rd lesson- The one u love most might not be the one u be with.

4th lesson- There is no such thing as love, it's just your imagination.

5th lesson- Hatred brings more DRIVE in a man than love.

6th lesson- Think with your mind not with your heart.

7th lesson- If u have a heart, never ever give it away, guard it with your life, it holds your spirit. Without your spirit u are a broken man.

8th lesson- Never stop being perfect, the only reason why she likes u is because she is impressed by all your abilites. Not love. The moment u stop impressing, she stop "loving".

9th lesson- Never find strength in a relationship, never turn to relationship for comfort, the guy is the only pillar of support for the relationship. It will cave in under all the weight.

10th lesson- Life sucks, face it, live with it and use it to your advatage if u can.

There are plenty more, but these are the life altering lessons i've learnt, i'm now a different man!

2008-01-20T15:22:00.001+08:00

Blogging from Lahore.
Armed with my iphone i attempt to blog in my hotel room. Ran into some difficulties though...

First of all, the iphone doesn't let u blog from the convenience of the Compose page, instead u have to write all your blog entries in HTML. Lucky i'm not just trained to be a cabin crew, i have engineering background as well.

Anyway what's with the radio promoting engineering courses? We dun get such publicity in the past. Hee... finally we have too many bankers doctors and lawyers. haa haaa... Now u know the importance of an engineer.

But unfortunately the money is elsewhere, so i would forgo my engineering background and embark on a different path and it won't be cabin crew.

Yes i know, a comfortable lifestyle is hard to give up. But to trade my self esteem for money i just couldn't bring myself to do that. I'm a commando after all, and our's is a hard but glorious life. If there is no challenge, then there is no point in existing.

Challenge your limits, not limit your challenges.

I have crew telling me that they were this and that in the past and that nothing beat this job, the outside world is hard. Then i look at them and think, why do u wanna lead a leisure lifestyle with nothing to accomplish when u have the potential to do so much more?

Well... whatever... I know being human, enough is never enough, u will always want something more, how long can u convince yourself before u realised it's not enough? That u are hungry for more? Do u want to wait till u lose the ability to do something about it then u make your choice? By then is too late.

U lose your freedom of choice, u lose yourself. u get drag around by the company, like a dog on a leash. U dare not bark, because u fear losing your meal. U cannot hunt because u forgotten how to already. I rather be the wild pack, an alpha male. Proud and dignified. I hunt hard for my daily meal, yet i do not have to worry about not getting fed tomolo. If i'm good enough, i will survive. The true test of one's abilities.

No point claiming your skills when u are hand fed everyday.

Even if i failed in the end, at least i know i have tried my best and there is no other way and if i want to hang myself for failing i can jolly well go ahead, there is no regrets. At least it beats wondering whether i should hang myself or not for not trying and not knowing whether i would fail or not.

Life sucks but that's the way it is, it's the mother of all bitches, that will mock at your failures and make u miserable. To not try is to succumb to life and become life's pet bitch. I'm an rebel- what life throws at me i will go against it. I will never succumb to what people's so-called "life-installed".

I exist to fulfil my potential.

Recently i visited Lynn that was recouperating at home after an op. She told me her brother told her that he has a friend that knows me, they used to call me LEGEND. Haha... I've not heard this word for a long time since my glorious canoeing days. It reminded me that there are always people looking up to me, looking up to me for inspiration. To not perform is to fail them.

I will not fail those who have faith in me and look to me for inspiration.

Because I AM LEGEND...

I AM JONATHAN.

2008-01-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

Tidal Waves of Emotions & Memories...
Moving house really soon, the flat at Punggol is almost ready. The lights are up, while the furnitures and fixtures are either done or on their way already. Most probably by the time i get home from my Karachi-Lahore trip everything would have already been finished.

Well it's time to pack my room to move over. Plenty of things to pack, some to keep while others to throw. Saw my old photoes and reminded me of all the best times in my life. I came to wonder what ever made me degrade to such a pitiful state now. Where was that ever-proud jonathan?

Somethings in my life i must discard as well, i shall not carry such excess baggage anymore.

Found Pics and Keepsakes from my previous relationships. My heart suddenly soften and those sweet memories came flooding back, it felt really good to be in love, but love brings pain as well. A question came to my mind, is it worth it? If given a choice to go back in time would i still want the same? Would changing certain past make any difference to the future?

I found a note she wrote to me and till now it still moves my heart. Given all these hurt and pain, i would gladly be with her if she ever write this note to me again.

But i know nothing will ever change and i should move on.

Love has lost it's meaning and honour has lost it's value. Such is the nature of this cruel human world. From now on, nothing matters more than material gain.

From now on i shall work hard, set my goals- unrealistic they may be, but i will reach there.

People always like to tell u what's possible and what's impossible, from now on i shall show what's possible and pave the way for others to follow.

The loser always say, "it's possible but difficult", but the winner will always say, "it's difficult but possible". The losers will see all the difficulties in view of the possibilities while the winner see only possiblities despite the difficulites...

I say, "it is difficult because i'm human, but it's possible because i'm a commando..."

2008-01-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

A Promise...
that i will stay out of your life, to return back to you everything that was before the heartbreaks, before all the lovey dovey, before all the hugs and kisses and before we ever started.

Yes, i'm missing u, i wonder how are u now? i wonder if u are having fun on your trip and if that someone really accompany u all the way. I feel so tempted to call u but i know what your reaction would be. A Promise IS Still A Promise and so be it. Let all the hurt and pain i'm feeling be exchanged for your freedom and happiness. At least, instead of 2 miserable person, there would only be one.

But at least one thing good did arised from this sad episode and i should count my blessing.

That is my friends are still around for me, sheltered me when the storm get too rough to handle, provided warmth when the night gets too cold and soothe a hurting heart when the sorrow is too much to bear. Even my new found friends graciously chipped in on the much needed care and concern. Truely i'm blessed.

I may have lost my heart, but i've found true friendship.

A million Thanks to all who stood by me.

2008-01-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

I'm home once more...
i dun really know what i'm feeling anymore, should i be feeling sad? lost? dispair?

In fact i'm feeling non of those, just numbness. Yet when i thot i could move on, the stabbing feeling of pain still came back to wreck havoc on my heart. The heart is what that made us human, but to have one we have to bear it's ultimate burden- the feeling of love and love lost.

Such is the overwhelming burden that i wish i do not have one, i rather it be carved out of me.

I'm tired of all these... Wish i could sleep forever.

Anyway i'm back from Dubai / Istanbul. Continue my story tomolo if i have time. i really need to go sleep for now.

2008-01-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

I will not...
i will not love anymore becoz i am no longer capable of loving,
i will not hate anymore becoz i do not love,
without love, there can be no hate.

i will not be broken hearted again, becoz there is no longer a heart to break,
i will not bother to listen to my heart becoz it can no longer be trusted,

From now on, the old jonathan doesn't exist anymore...
He's too weak to exist, he cares for others more than himself causing his own destruction.
From the depths of hurt and anger, someone new will arise.

He will not be hurt,
He will not be angry,
He will not be concerned,
He will not be broken'ed,
He will not LOVE again...

He will not overwhelm anyone with his love anymore, there is no longer an ounce left in him.
.
.
.
風箏有風　海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白　所以離開
所以不再為愛而愛
自己存在在你之外
.
.
.
Back from Brisbane and Dubai / Istanbul tonight.
Wanted to change flight but decided against it because a promise is a promise.

Got knocked by a car on the night before Brisbane, well... it didn't kill me which i'm not really surprised cause i'm still indestructable. I may be empty inside already but i'm not an eggshell. i've been knock down by bus before and i'm still fine. U need to run me over with a train before u can cause some damage. Dun worry i won't jump off the MRT platform, i'm afraid i may damage the MRT and the SMRT people will ask me to pay for the damages to their trains cause i'm not dead yet. hahaha...

Anyway the night before Brisbane i went to catch AVP2 with myself. Ha... Doesn't matter no one wanna watch with me cause i've done that before and i'm sure i can do it again. I dun have to reserve that movie for any particular someone and be disappointed after that coz i end up missing the show completely due to all sorts of reason.

Getting knocked down after the movie doesn't deter me either.

Life is so freaking exciting, just the first week of 2008 only and so much things has happened, just can't wait to see what's installed for me for the rest of the year.

SO BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKER!!

Anyway some pictures from my Milan / Barcelona trip to keep u guys occupied.
Click on the links below.
-Venice Pics
-Duomo Pics

2007-12-26T17:22:00.000+08:00

Why the need to love and be loved...
Why as hard as i tried, this need still returns to haunt, why can't i be as cold as ice, with a heart of stone. Why and how did it ever get warmed and soften even when i thought i've put up walls, frozed my heart and yet somehow that feeling still managed to crept in?

Do i really need to be loved that badly? Am i that weak? Can i not look after myself?

I thought i was stronger after rachel, after army and after so much crap load of bullshit but so wrong was i.

Anyway Merry Christmas to all, well not exactly christmas, it's boxing day i think. Flying has made me lose track of time. In a way it's good coz i hate annual special thingis like Christmas eve, Christmas day, New year eve, New year day, Valentine day and all those sickening days that u must spend it with someone "special"...

What the fuck...

I almost forgotten i told Kenn Chng and the rest of my army buddies that i wanna stay single, get married only when i'm filthy rich that i could use money to throw at people and that brothers matters most.

How disappointed am i with myself...

Maybe staying in here made me weak. The comfort of life as a simple minded cabin crew has made me forgot about my aim, lose track in life and bring my life to a standstill, stuck in this muddled pit of indecisiveness...

First of all, where the fuck is my IPPT 914 Commando Gold? I almost forgot about the what i told RSM before i ORDed, that i'm still a commando after ORD and i could take on any of the junior guys anyday, anytime.

Can u believe it? i now can actually settled for silver? My 2.4k Run was a miserable 11 mins, back in those days i could actually just walk to the finish line in 11mins.

What about my Triathelon?

Then there is the thing about getting my degree.

I really lost my way this time man. I need to get back on track... From now on, things must change, fuck cabin crew lifestyle, if anyone again say that where on earth u can find such good pay and easy job, i will tell them they can have it. I want to do something with my life.

What's the point of having all the money in the world but in return become an empty shell. I want to accomplish something that in the end that when i look back i have no regrets. Coz i tried my best and i didn't waste my life away.

In the end, I may lose everything in this world, but least, i will not lose myself, this shall be my promise.

I shall be back from my Milan / Barcelona Trip on 1 Jan, It shall be a new beginning...