beneath-e-pale-moonlight: March 2007

Friday, March 30, 2007

Frustrations, Fatigue and Mentally all F*ed up.
Anyway i realised there are more negative words that start with "F" than positive words.

Fatigue is the weariness from bodily and mental exhaustion. Exhaustion from carrying an invisible load that burn every mental and spiritual muscles in me. I'm tired, yet i cannot drop this load. The world forced me to put this load back on myself.

I'm worrying about too much things, worrying about responsibilties, worrying about seemingly non existant problems. Yet i can't stop worrying for i know the wrath this world will bear down on me upon an unfortuante event.

People have plenty to say when it's not their problem. They do not have to worry about the repercussion of their words and actions for it does not affect them.

Please do not be quick to judge. Please do not ask of me for what u will not do yourself. For we are all humans. Search your heart. We each have a choice, do not predetermine a choice for me for u don't walk down the same path with me.

I really pray all this would be over soon.

3/30/2007 06:25:00 AM | Permalink |

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm Back!
Sorry for MIAing for so long. Been really occupied lately.

So was my mind. Just that i couldn't find the chance to blog it down.

Just came back from Auckland, haha... have u heard of 5 day Auckland? haha... no right? all thanks to the planning department mistake giving me and the set of crew an extra day! muahahaha... one more day of holiday. But then again we did a day flight there and back. haha... 10 hours of hard work.

But it was a good trade off, we get to go on adventure that u won't get from doing the normal Auckland pattern. haha... What adventure ah? hee... secret. But think the entire set had a hell of an enjoyable time.

Anyway recently i really enjoy working. Not that i really enjoy working my butts off, but by being at work, i'm also out of Singapore and hence, away from my troubling thoughts. I've been really troubled lately. OH... WTF... i've been troubled ever since the start of the year and giving myself more problem ever since.

By being busy, my mind will not drift to my troubled thoughts, and being somewhere else, i'm deteched from my problems in Singapore.

Seems like whichever parth i take so far have gotten me loads of problems. The further i walked the heavier the burden.

Is there ever a way that my actions will not cause a ripple effect that will not reflects back to me inevitably?

It takes 2 hands to clap, yet it will always be my fault when something goes wrong. If i have the ability to cause something, i should have to the ability to stop or end something. Yet people fail to realise, that life is like a chemical reaction, nothing will happen if u are an element on your own. A chemical reaction will happen when another element is introduced. Worst still if there is a catalyst.

Why are people so hard on others when they make mistake? Is it to push the person down lower that where he is now or to take advantage of the situation and glorify one's righteousness? I really dunnoe.

But it's human nature to be wicked anyway. Animal kill for survival but even so it's a quick and merciful death. Human would not kill, but instead leave another in a state worst than death. Torture is invented by humans anyway. ha...

I'm really troubled. Between people's opinion and my own personal happiness, which should i choose? To sway to the views of others, or to live my own life, the way i want it. To make decisions that would make me happy and live life to the fullest even if it would make me a bastard.

Ultimately, it's me living this life of mine. People can say what they want, but it doesn't affect the outcome of their lives. But by swaying to their views, it would affect the outcome of mine instead.

Either, i cannot live with others, or i cannot live with myself. So which is worst...?

Frankly there is no true right or wrong, right or wrong is only dictated by what society choose to view as right or wrong.

Sigh... I just realised living each day is getting more and more complex. I really wish i could go on a vacation from life itself, detach myself from this world. Think i really need a break.

While at Auckland, i suddenly have this thought of leaving the country and furthering my studies. I shall not return for 2 or 3 year till i finish my degree. To let time erase all my troubles. To have a chance to start everthing afresh after that.

3/28/2007 04:08:00 PM | Permalink |

AboUt Me

.. .: :: [MoI] :: :. ..
♠
I aM JonAthAn,
bORned iNto tHiS wOrLd oN
SuNdaE, 01 Feb 1981

.: [Current Status] :.
♠
~ ORD Personnel
since 280306 ~
~ Singaporean ~
~found Job~~less~~ ~
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&
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~~and~~ Gave up Counting ~

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